Assalaaa Mu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaaatahuuuuu. Brothers and Sisters

THIS WILL BE A LONG STORY . its about my life and any advice will be appreciated.

I lived in UK. I was taken abroad when I was 15. I was told it was going to be a holiday but when I got there I was told I have to get married in order to go back UK. So at the age of 15 my mind was in all directions. i was told if i got married i will be going back with my mum and siblings. i agreed to get married. then i was told i wont be going back with my family back to UK and i will have to live with my husband for the rest of my life. for the first few months it was hell i cried every night .my husband was okay he didn't treat me bad or horrible. i then gave up and thought i'm destined to live like this. i wasn't allowed to go out or go to study. a few months went by and i couldn't take it anymore i wanted to go back. my father said if i want to go back i will have to get pregnant. and so i did but i wasn't allowed to go back just yet. i stayed abroad till i was 7 months pregnant and my mum payed for my ticket back to UK. my dad made life hell i wasn't allowed to watch TV or go out or make friends. i would spend hours and hours in my room doing nothing. if i wanted to eat something i would have to pay for everything i touch. so life was just like that i got the hang of it and never used to complain. i gave birth a day before eid in November 2009. life just got worse. if my baby cried he would curse me all night. if my mum wanted to help me he wouldn't speak to her and he would say he will divorce her if she helped me. my father kicked me out with my three month old baby because he wanted all the benefits i got for me and my daughter to be in his hand. because i refused he didn't want me in the house. i stayed with my aunt for a few days and i applied for homeless and i was offered a flat really far from where i live. my mum called me and begged me to refuse the offer and come back home. so for my mums sake i went back to live in hell. my father somehow changed my husband. my husband would demand money from me and if i don't send him he would verbally abuse me. if i had my phone on silent and i missed a call from him he would call me a slag and what not. i kept everything in my heart and didn't complain to anyone. in 2010 my inlaws wanted to see their granddaughter so i saved up every penny i can and went abroad because they refused to pay for our tickets. life was even tougher now that i had a baby they did nit support me even with nappies or milk. if i asked them i need milk or i need something for the baby they would say speak to your mum and let her send you money. i stayed there for 3 months thinking they would change but it was too much i didn't want to put my baby through all that. i came back to uk and same as usual nothing new problems where same with my father. i somehow managed to keep it all in my heart. in 2011 things where okay with my husband he did still verbally abused me but i thought he is my husband i cant disobey him and his word is what goes. i used to send him money all the time because he always said he wants to start a business so i always helped him but he never seemed to work. so around September time in 2011 i packed my suitcase and saved money for the tickets to go back abroad so they can see their granddaughter. my husband called me and told me he needs money and i didn't have any to spare as i was getting ready to go and see them . when i told him i don't have any he said fine i don't want u don't come abroad. and that was the last straw for me. i unpacked my suitcase and spoke to my mum about getting a divorce. i spoke to the whole family about a divorce and my husbands family said give us our money back and give us our granddaughter. i saved and i borrowed money and spoke again and told them i have the money but then they said speak to your father even though he already new but he had previously told them that he wont help me with the divorce and he will shut me up. i kept bringing up the subject about my divorce but each time i spoke they will shut me up and say wait . its been about a year or so and i'm still waiting. i spoke to my father about 2 weeks ago and i told him if he doesn't help me i will have to do it my self at a Islamic center and he started threatening me with black magic and he will pay men to rape me and he would kill me and all sorts of threats. i forgot to mention my husband also used to threaten me with black magic and since his daughter was born he has not supported me or her with a penny. also i didn't not get mahr or dowry or any money whatsoever . i was given a necklace and 3 bangles but my father took the bangles and sold them and took the money for himself.

i was told i could go to an Islamic center and get a divorce letter .

asked 815 ummaysa's gravatar image
edited Jan 31 '13 at 12:12 Ubi ♦ 1.2k517 Ubi's gravatar image

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Walaikum Assalam sister, My heartily sympathies are always with you. I seriously have lost words but all i can say is tht May Allah guard you and your respect forever.

Sister, first of all, such type of marriage is condemned by almost all religions. Islam orders men to fear Allah in regard of treating women/their wives. I dont understand why your father did this to you. But hats off to you tht even after suffering, you didnt disobey ur husband.

Try to connect yourself with Islam deeply. Indulge yourself in understanding Quran and offering Namaz, believe me it affects a lot because by practising such things, a person gets closer to Allah and when a bond is created between Allah and His creation, then nothing can disappoint him. Sister try to forget abt the past. Everyone who reads this has his sympathies for you. May Allah Bless you and you continue to prosper and your daughter also flourishes under your motherhood. Ameen

answered 1033 azeem's gravatar image

Salam,I really dont know what to say. You are passing the worst phase of your life.I can not give you a islamic answer but from the humanity point of view all i can say that horrible injustice been done against you. I would suggest you to go to a islamic centre or mosque to talk to some mentor in PERSON so that you can get the islamic way to improve your situation.May ALLAH bless you.

answered 203 tyh's gravatar image

@tyh jazakAllah khair. thank you for replying . i have spoken to a person at a masjid . i am just waiting for them to get back to me on this Insha'Allah khair. May Allah bless you to.

answered 815 ummaysa's gravatar image

@azeem jazakuallah khair. Im trying my best to pray all my salat and have Dhikr on my tongue as much as i can. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or take pity. All that has happened to me i became a stronger person. thank you for replying and may Allah bless you to and accept all your du'as insha'Allah

answered 815 ummaysa's gravatar image

Stay Blessed Sister:-)

(Feb 05 '13 at 09:37) Ubi ♦ Ubi's gravatar image

you may think you are passing through the most difficult time,but there are others who are far worse than you.only allah knows whats good for you.inshaa allah everything will be well with you.i cant advise you on islamic grounds,but i can only tell you this:BE PATIENTE,ALLAH KNOWS EVERYTHING.

answered 11919 khadijah's gravatar image

yeah i know some people have been through more diffciult times than what i went through. may Allah ease what they are going through. and im being patient and trying to stay to my deen thank you for your comment sister

(Feb 05 '13 at 06:53) ummaysa ummaysa's gravatar image

asssalumulakum dear siister I can never imagine something like this would ever happen, My heart sank with tears. Be wise and tough because allah swt loves those that are patient and allah swt test those that he loves and no matter what, keepp tighly ahold of your iman because that will be the only thing to keep u moveing. My heart goes out for u and ur daughter and i ask allah swt from my dear heart to help u and ur beautiful daughter throught the difficult time. Just remeber sister when u fell al alone in this world and theres nobody to count your tears allah knows. Every tear drop that in yur precious heart allah knows so be mindful of allah and allah will be mindful of you be grateful to allah. Your a strong person; read quran because the quran is a guide, the quran is ur companin through the hardships. It will smooth ur heart in so many ways u cannot imagine. WALLAKUMASSALUM

answered 45210 miliser%20saloo's gravatar image

thank you so much. may Allah accept your dua . the subhanallah the quran eases any type of hardship. im trying my best to stay strong in my iman and read quran as much as i can. thank you so much for your advice

(Feb 05 '13 at 06:55) ummaysa ummaysa's gravatar image

Wa Alaikum Assalaaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakaaatahuuuuu..its quite paining after Reading the story..oh..Hats off..No Words..sister.. Sister,i suggest u to do Istikhaara..and In Sha Allah,Allah {S.w.t} will Surely help you.

answered 1.2k517 Ubi's gravatar image

Salaam Sister... I just would like to give a message to all women that they shouldnt go through all this torture... If ur husband started abusing you then leave him... Dont make Islam become difficult! Islam doesnt say ur husband is everything and what ever he does to you its fine... Why do women even have this thinking? Sister what you went thru was alot and hats off to ur strength! May Allah help you and guide you... Dont be afraid of ur husband... In the UK theres so much help given! So much support offered! Make use of it...Live your life your only 20! Give you daughter ur full attention and give her a life worth living! If you need any supprt then u can contact me... Tc

answered 655 Bubbles123's gravatar image

wa salam. i dont know why women think like that. its probably what they get put into their heads by some people. thank you so much for your reply and advice . may Allah accept your dua.im doing everything to keep my daughter happy and give her what i never had. jazakullah khair sister .

(Feb 05 '13 at 06:57) ummaysa ummaysa's gravatar image

Sister, I do not have any answers for you but turn to Allah (swt) and pray for him to give you the strength and guidance to get through this time, they say Allah tests those that are strong enough to overcome such obstacles. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you,no husband or father should treat anyone in such a way.

Woman was made from the rib of a man, she was not created from his head to top him, Nor from his feet to be stepped upon, She was made from his side, to be close to him, From beneath his arm, to be protected by him, Near his heart to be loved by him.

"When she is a DAUGHTER, she opens the door at Jannah for her father. When she is a WIFE she completes half the deen of her husband. When she is a MOTHER, jannah lies under her feet. If everyone knew the true status of a Muslim woman, even the men would want to be woman. " Sayatha Afram Nadawi

Sister, I am keeping you in my prayers and hope that you find peace and happiness in life, and that you are treated the way you should be treated.

answered 13118 Kdjesham's gravatar image

Assalamalaykum, I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that God will bless you. I am not an authority figure by any means, but everyone knows that these threats/death threats made by your father and husband are completely unIslamic, immoral, unacceptable and potentially dangerous. Please slip out as soon as possible and find a way to get yourself to a safe place and/or quietly call police to get help on leaving this situation in a safe way. I am not in the UK, but usually there are places of refuge for women and children in your situation. You might look online or so. For example, I found the link below. Perhaps it might help? http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/emergency_accommodation_if_homeless/womens_refuges You are going to be ok, but you need to leave asap to insure your safety. You and your child deserve all the best and you need to help make that happen.
Take care. I am sending my best wishes.

answered 1011 butterfly's gravatar image
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Asked: Jan 22 '13 at 08:16

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Last updated: Apr 12 at 11:10

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