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Last year I met a girl, a muslim girl raised in Islam since birth. She is by all means a good woman. She would make a great wife. However when I met her she had many male friends in her life...and The problem is that when I ask her about her past her character changes from open and loving and caring to closed and withholding. It's very sudden and very worrisome to me. She was raised in Islam, but I was raised in a sheltered home, where my family believed in God, but also believed that Christianity/Jewish faiths were false ones. So i am quite new to all of this and there are some things I'm still learning about this religion. This girl is not a virgin, she admitted to me very early on in the relationship. She has been with more than one man and not as married. That doesn't bother me. I don't mind that she has a past, even if I disapprove of such things, I see now she is a changed woman and wants a serious relationship that leads to marriage and living our lives following Islam. However the way I was raised was to look for the bad in people before the good, because many people will show you a face...but not everyone shows you whats beneath it. I do this to protect myself from people who knowingly or unknowingly would hurt me. I ask her questions about her past, where she lived, who were the people there, how she felt in that time. She tells me many things...but also says there are somethings I can not ask about it. It's worrying me heavily because I feel that the things she doesn't want me to talk about are things that are bad. Things I don't know about her. I want to know my wife. I will accept her in spite of anything, I am a good man. I was raised to work hard and remain pious. I am not asking her to show her soul and all it's entirety. But I can't feel safe not knowing certain things about her. The men she dated, she says they hurt her, That they betrayed her trust and lied to her keeping things from her so she wouldn't find out and ultimately after learning the men she was with were no good, She left. Where I come from, when it concerns marriage and long lasting commitment, the very least any person would want to do is show them show their flaws and their greatness. Because it's forever..until death do you part. I don't believe in divorce. I feel that if we're going to be life long partners...then why shouldn't I know things that concern you, they concern me too since I'm walking into a future with you. I do not believe she is required to tell me anything about her life and her past. But her past will always be a part of her...I don't want to lose her, but she is saying that if I insist on asking or thinking about it she will leave me..but I can't walk forward believing theres something beneath the surface. What should I do?

asked 1011 Someguy's gravatar image

Leave it. She has her reasons for not telling you and her past is past. She may be very embarrassed. She may be trying to come to terms with her own past. You have to leave it alone and she will come to you if and when she is ready to confide in you. She does not have to tell you.

With his chain to Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) saying:

“All of my ummah (nation of followers) will be excused, except for the mujaahireen (those who make their sins known). And verily it is a kind of mujaaharah (exposing one’s sins) that a man does something (sinful) at night, and then in the morning, when Allaah has screened his sin for him, he says, ‘Hey So and-So! I did such-and- such last night…’ And the night passed with His Lord screening him, and he wakes up casting aside the screen of Allaah from himself.” Everyone makes mistakes and we must view people through the present. If you are unsure about her character, make Du'a for guidance and try to spend more time talking with her about things besides her past.

answered 96511 cocolia42's gravatar image
edited May 13 '13 at 19:30 Muhammad Abdul Ahad ♦ 1.8k2315 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image

Jst contnue wit her wen time comes she wil tel u by herself and If She didnt leave her alone. May God help u.

answered 10 HAMMEDINA18's gravatar image
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Asked: Jan 29 '13 at 21:35

Seen: 3,937 times

Last updated: May 13 '13 at 19:30

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