Salam, I need anyone who can help me to save my marriage. I'm married for almost 2 years, no children yet. I'm working as a teacher. My husband was good to me for the first 2 weeks of marriage. Then, he started to behave like a psycho. He gets jealous easily & short-tempered. Things that he had done:

1) Every time we go out together, he'll pick fight with other guys in that place claiming that they are looking at me (I wear a proper hijab & clothing went I went out). 2) When we eat out, he'll be watching everywhere till we finish our meals just to see if any men is looking at me. 3) When my students (if boys) wish "Good morning", he get jealous till he prepared to hit the student. He even asked his friends to hire thugs to beat the student up. When I tried to stop him, he ask me do I have special feelings for this boy. 4) He get jealous when I carry my 3 year old nephew. He even try to stop me from having any connection with my nephew. 5) I used to have a facebook account, some of my teaching (forums, discussions) are done through this. He can't trust me with this. So, I gave him my password to just let him make sure that there's nothing wrong in having a facebook account. Once, I changed my password & forgot to mention this to him. He was so mad till he scolded me with all kinds of bad words (no one ever scolded me before, not even my parents) & drove our car like a crazy man, almost cause an accident. After 1-2 min fuming over this, he asked me gently, "Why are you crying, come here, lean on my shoulder." How could anyone have such extreme change in behavior in such short period? He drove to a cinema & we watched a movie though I didn't spoke to him the entire day. He even ask me why am I so quite. To be frank, I thought he was going to murder me that day. 6) His education level & salary is lower than mine. So, he don't like it when I proceed with Masters & he don't like me to work. 7) Ever since our marriage, he never go to work properly. He don't have proper earning. He never give me proper nafkah. No matter how many times I advice him on this matter, he'll just ignore. 8) Every single day, he'll say how fat I've become (i'm 50kg, 1.6m) & how ugly I've become & how stupid I am. He tried to break my self confidence, but without any success. 9) His parents knows about everything, but not willing to advice him, they are afraid of him. They said that's how he is, so I've to live through this. They're instilling bad values in him (not allowing him to help me around the house, give nafkah, go out together etc). We're staying at my in laws house. 10) Recently, things has become worse. He started to abandon me. Since he has no job, he'll sleep till afternoon, wake up & go out to meet friends. He'll come home late at night & only come into room after I sleep. 11) We rarely make love. 12) He ignored me when I was so sick till I can't even walk. He just left me at home & went out. 13) He's not willing to discuss anything with me. Whenever I tried to discuss anything, he'll either sing loudly till I stop or just barge out of the door. 14) I'm not a kind of person who nags. I never raised my voice when I talk to him no matter how unhappy I am. I always tried to make him feel better about himself. I take care of his health well (he is an asthma patient & he's very well now). 15) I tried to do everything that makes him happy, but he never appreciate anything. 16) During Eid recently, both our parents went for Haj. So, both of us stayed at my parents house alone for the first time since marriage. He just won't help me in any chores no matter how tired or sick I am. I cooked meals for him during Eid, but he went out right after morning prayers and didn't come home the whole day. All the food that I cooked gone to waste, & he left me staying at home alone on such a big occasion. He came home on the next morning just to take bath & have coffee. Then, he went out again till mid night. 17) He is so stingy with his money. Too calculative in everything.

There are a lot more things going on, but this is getting too long. To cut it short, one day I just can't take it anymore. He left me in house without food (i was on medication) & me in pain just because I asked his help to rinse the 2 pieces of clothes that I've soaked. I was in so much pain I can't do it myself. He refused to help me & went out to meet his friends. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left the house & went to my parents house (2km away). It has been almost 2 months since I left. He text me every now & then, asking me to meet him in a budget hotel so that he can have sex with me. I asked him to meet so that we can discuss our issues. But he thinks that there is no issue & all he wants is sex. He just said, no sex, no talk.

I don't miss him at all in this 2 months, as when I think about him, only pain come into my mind. I feel so relieved without him. He's not willing to resolve our issues, but he called me to a red light area just for sex. Any husband that truly loves his wife will never ask her to go to such place. (He claimed that he's been loving me for 22 years). Recently, he accepted a job offer which require him to travel 90% & stay in room provided by company. Since many male worker will be sharing the house, & he'll be travelling, it's not suitable for me. He said he'll only come back on weekends. I'm not sure if what I've done is wrong in Islam. But I've tried every single way to resolve these issues. Only way left is to go for counseling. But I'm pretty sure he won't agree as he's just too afraid to face problems in life. He won't even talk to his wife, can he talk to a counselor? I just know that this is not the life that I want.

asked 2012 nisha_ab2003's gravatar image
edited Jan 31 '13 at 05:47 Irfan Alam ♦ 1.0k1935 Irfan%20Alam's gravatar image

what kind of husband is that?

who doesent fulfill the Islamic Requriments? of being married?

(Jan 31 '13 at 05:04) TeenMuslim ♦ TeenMuslim's gravatar image

@nisha_ab2003: your question's Title should be clear and to the point. Tag should be related to question.

(Jan 31 '13 at 05:55) Irfan Alam ♦ Irfan%20Alam's gravatar image

Thank you so much friends. I don't wish to divorce. I would like to start over again with him. I want both of us to love each other & live in an islamic way with our future children. I maybe hurt by him, but I still love this relationship. I want this to succeed. I feel much better now, really. All of you helped me a lot. May Allah bless you.

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answered 2012 nisha_ab2003's gravatar image

InshaAllah your life becomes successfull... I pray..

(Jan 31 '13 at 08:17) Irfan Alam ♦ Irfan%20Alam's gravatar image

best option is divorce

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answered 87218 TeenMuslim's gravatar image

Divorce is not the best option, COMPROMISE and make your husband mind clear about all matter and cooperate with him.

(Jan 31 '13 at 05:54) Irfan Alam ♦ Irfan%20Alam's gravatar image

IN THE NAME OF GOD!SALAM I think,you are very beautiful. he love you ,but he is afraid of lose your . Quran:AN-Nisa:If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do. ( 128 )

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answered 13913 persiangulf1666's gravatar image
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Asked: Jan 30 '13 at 23:24

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Last updated: Jan 31 '13 at 08:17


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