I am a young non-Muslim American lady who met a middle-aged Muslim man from a different country. I found him very kind and generous, with good morals (not to mention a charming smile that melted my heart). We chit-chatted for hours almost every day and got along so well that soon we were talking about getting married. He and I were soooo excited about this idea and counted the days until we could finally be together.
However, he then revealed to me that he wanted me to be his second wife--because he currently had a wife. The problem with this is that he originally said he was divorced, and basically now was revealing that this was not true. I was very upset, but forgave him for this lie.
I am not a jealous person, so I can understand the basis for any polygamous marriage as long as everyone involved is aware and ok. So I then asked if his first wife was ok with him taking a second wife. However, he then revealed that he doesn't know what she thinks, because he never told her directly that he was talking to me all this time. He said though that she probably has a feeling something is happening. He said he loves me so much and he was only staying with her because they have a small son together. He said she can't make him happy the way I do. He urged me to stay with him.
I was very much shocked by this. I felt so sad for myself (I really, really liked him!!!), but it was nothing compared to how awful I felt for his wife. Any moral person (regardless of religion) knows in their heart that it is just plain wrong to treat a person (especially his own wife!) like this. I told him that I felt so bad that I had became an unwitting participant in deceiving his wife, that it was immoral for him to treat her this way, and that I could not talk to him anymore. I immediately cut off all ties with him.
Please tell me that Islam does not condone this kind of behavior ---where a man can just start searching for a second wife, and chatting up another lady, without even informing his own wife he is doing so. While I am not Muslim myself (I am undecided), I believe Muslims are generally very good and moral people and I love them. It would really disappoint and sadden me, however, if I knew that most Muslims find this to be acceptable behavior.
Peace to you all. I am looking forward to your reply.