I have never had a normal relationship with my mother. She is an excellent muslim, prays 5 times, tahajjud, extra ibadat, and also teaches the Quran. However, there are things about her that are not noble, in my opinion, and may even be against the recommendations of islam. For example, she cuts off people regularly, even family members, if someone says something against her liking. Her attitude is full of pride at times, and when i point that out, she fights with me and says hurtful things to me, even going as far as saying, 'you're not a muslim.' She makes people feel awkward and it 'seems' as if she's holding her religious knowledge over them. I say 'seems' because i can't be certain of her intentions but this is what her attitude conveys. When she gets angry she spills the screts i shared with her to my dad, which is so painful to deal with. She keeps telling my dad to get rid of me and my sisters, that this is not our house. I have been a victim of her abuse since i was a kid and now im 32 and she's still at it. What good is her ibadat if she can't be good to god's people? I have tried so much to show her the path of humility but im always stamped as rude, disrespectful, and infidel. How can i deal with this? She always takes everything the wrong way and never comes to the point. She actually distorts the point someone is trying to make to serve her cause, which is infuriating and futile in any conversation. How do i deal with her without losing my sanity? Do i have any rights in islam? I keep reading about parents' rights but do kids have any rights?

asked 252 HumorMe's gravatar image

the only thing is that you dont have to obey her when she asks you to commit a sinful act

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answered 634 pargali's gravatar image

Thanks for the advice. I have been trying to please my mother for as long as i can remember and even hurt myself in doing so. And i am there for my parents and other siblings in every way, Allah swt is a witness to that. I am just losing my sanity at this point in my life.

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answered 252 HumorMe's gravatar image

You cannot in no way do anything that will make her in any way displeased. That of course, and especially in your situation, is much easier said than done.

For dealing with a mother like this, I will advise you on a new approach. Every time you see your mother, maybe once a day or several times a week, come with a full smile, and a gift, whether it is some flowers, a small trinket, or anything simple she will appreciate, and ask her how she is feeling, if she needs something... Whether she thanks you, stays silent, or even if she accuses you of trying to bribe her kindness, just remain silent and keep the smile going. Do not try and advise her about how she should act, even if you are kind about it. Over time she will feel herself, that she is being harsh on you and even others and inshallah she will noticeably lighten up. Remember that no matter what she is the next most rightful person to your mercy after the Prophet (PBUH) of course.

Also your marital or financial status changes the scope as well, since many mothers are angry at their children for not doing things the way they would have had them done. I hope this advise will help, Wasalamuwalaykum.

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answered 11115 Khal_7's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 01 '13 at 22:51

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Last updated: Mar 04 '13 at 09:58


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