hi all, here is the story from A to Z please i am asking for advice so don't be judgmental. i am a young muslim women who moved to new york from an arabic country since more than 2years now. i started school and everything seemed to be good i want to be a lawyer but you know how life is hard in new york i've been struggling to find a job my sister got married to a muslim arabic guy who kicked me out of the apartment knowing that i have no place to go and no money since i wasn't working. i've struggled a lot to make a living my mom want to help me but because of the stupid regulation of foreign money in my country she can't send me any money. i've been through a lot in new york i moved before the age of 20. i'm sorry to say that but i've been betrayed by muslims whenever i go to an interview to tutor arabic or french for someone or work with someone in his office i get other response such as hanging out or having sex with me i was chocked i couldnt believe plus the families that i worked for especially muslims some of them didnt pay me and i got into problems and arguing with them that lead to a point that i hated all muslims i was asking myself how a human being can do such horrible thing to someone and claimed that she/he is a good muslim. anyways days went by i started to be broke and depressed and start to think about going back to my country but what would i do there, how can i make a living and why god had put through all of this. i met a very sweet nice guy older than me. we started to go out together and suddenly felt in love with each other. for the first time i felt that someone loves me for who i am and didn't only see the pretty face or the perfect skin that i have. the problem is that he is not a muslim, but he has a great connection with god. i found everything that i always wanted in him and suddenly everything start to be good in my life. i never felt so confident and so beautiful before meeting him. he is very opening minded cultivated, smart, mature, and handsome. we are madly in love with each other, months went by with had sex many time. i know it is a sin, but please don't say anything that would break more than i am right now. i start to feel like i am a zania. i see only dark and i am going through a depression sometimes i just dont want to get out of bed. when i speak to him about islam he says that he doesn't want a religion that would break the great connection that he has with god. i hate him when he says that, and i feel that if i leave him because of that it is so unfair to both of us. he haven't done anything bad to me he treats me well/ i feel like a human being next to him not like a pretty doll that every single man want to have fun with. i want some advices to convince to convert to islam. any books or sitewebs that might be helpful i would appreciate it. also i want some suggestion about my situation what should i do and how i can ask god for forgiveness. thank you!

asked 102 lost%20in%20love's gravatar image

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being a muslim doesn't differ from being a jewish or christian. a christian friend helped me to fix my situation and find a place to live, a jewish family that i was teaching their daughter french helped me to get books for school and financial aid. muslims in the other hand told me are you crazy you are going to school and you don't have a stable job yet. i just wanted someone to borrow me money for 10days to buy books and pay the rent no fucking muslim bother to help. my mom and brother were doing the impossible to send me money but because of the fucking foreign money restriction that we have in my country they couldn't send it because i am an immigrant with a green card not a student visa. i'm proud of myself of what i have done so far i made my way of becoming someone in America without anyone's help. when i look back i say waaaw i've been through all of this and i made it thanks god hamdoulah.

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answered 102 lost%20in%20love's gravatar image

I know you suffered a lot, but what you did was also not right. Tell me can you tell your mom and brother back home, that you had sex with a man without marriage? Will they be proud of you? Your family is Alhamdulillah Muslim you have broke their faith in you. If you can not confess this act in front of your mom, I am afraid what will be your position in front of Allah (S.W.T).

Regarding your question for your lover to embrace Islam. My answer is same be true Muslimah yourself so that he will not hesitate to embrace Islam.

(Mar 09 '13 at 16:56) believer ♦ believer's gravatar image

let me correct you here i wasn't a homeless. i stood up for myself and worked hard to get somewhere to live. i sorry to say that but no one in the mosque or anywhere wanted to help me whatsoever whenever i went i was rejected. i didn't have sex with him because i had nowhere to go. i met him after i fixed my situation. i was alone i needed it a mental support. i was rejected by fucking muslims they treated me like shit in the mosque in ramadan people told me you are cute use that for your own benefits what is that mean?? in your opinion. Muslim man offered me help in return of something else. i decided to have sex with him because i love him, he is a good guy better than muslims. i do regret doing that but i hate so much hate for muslims because of what i went through that i don't look at them the same as i was in my country and i promise myself that i would never marry any fucking arabic muslim guy. they are sick they see a girl automatically it is an option for them to take advantage of her. i learned a lot with him especially in carrier wise i get back to track and he is encouraging and motivating he never made feel that because i am a women i don't need to have bigger dreams as muslim guys told me before. one imam in the mosque told me once you are a pretty girl smart and caring get married to any of the guys in the mosque and be his while he is providing you shelter and money i told him what does that differ from prostitution nothing just that i will have sex with one man who is my husband. so don't judge me of having this hate inside of me. i was going back to my country but i got accepted in the school that i wanted to attend so i stayed and i managed to make a living in new york.

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answered 102 lost%20in%20love's gravatar image

Every Muslim is not the same. And regarding you saying that an Imam advised you to get married and be his while he is providing you shelter and money you said to him what does that differ from prostitution? If you can not differ between marriage and prostitution then tell me what you call yourself, having sex with a man without marriage? Its worst then prostitution, maybe a girl is doing prostitution to feed his family but what was your reason? That is why Islam told Muslim men to lower gaze and Muslim Woman to cover themselves.

(Mar 09 '13 at 16:52) believer ♦ believer's gravatar image

@Love

I have already given you answer, be a true Muslimah yourself so that he will convert, show him how beautiful is your religion and how positive change it makes in the life of a Muslim. But the problem here is you have already done sex with him before marriage so tell me are you any good example for him? You call yourself a Muslim and you don't follow the religion yourself. And why he will even marry you because the purpose for which marriage is created (sex - children), he has already done with you many times.

I would advice you to become a true Muslimah yourself and be afraid for your own self you have committed a grave sin. You are thinking about him to revert to Islam, but before that think for yourself and search for the punishment for zina (illegal sexual intercourse) before marriage in Islam. 100 lashes is your punishment for one time committed zina, and you knows how many times you have done it.

I know you suffered a lot but I tell you one thing if your sister's husband had thrown you out of house you could have gone to a Mosque for shelter or went to any NGO or at least refused to have sex with that man, because he can be a no good person who has taken the only thing which he could get from a homeless girl. You could have went back to your country but never offered your purity. A true believer is the one who holds his deen in his hard times.

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answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image
edited Mar 09 '13 at 12:55

ok guys i really appreciate your help but all of you seemed to not answer my main question. i left this guy broken hearted and my heart is broken too. i don't think that it is fair for both of us. my question is any suggestions for books or website that i can show them to him in order to help him convert to islam and thank you!

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answered 102 lost%20in%20love's gravatar image

You have no knowledge of Holy Qur'an, and you are proving it again and again.

First, before being a copy cat of Holy Verses from Qur'an you should know what they are saying. There is something called "Tafsir of Holy Qur'an" please read them. The words of Qur'an are not random words but they have meanings in it which you don't know because you never tried to learn Qur'an you just know how to search on Google.

Regarding brackets, brackets are provided to remove confusion for the people like you because scholars knew that some people like you have no brain to think so they provided it for your ease. Second thing, translation of Holy Qur'an in any language are approved from Scholars so don't think translator has only translated what he thought.

I provided explanation (Tafsir) for the verses which needs explanation. Other verses which you have quoted are not even connected with this topic. And one verse which you have quoted goes against your own statement

O you who have believed, do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you - then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people. 5:51

And this is not a debate of posting more Surahs, be logical every one can just Google it using the keywords which could support his arguments and he can quote. You should have knowledge before quoting Surahs, like now you have no explanation for verses which you have quoted and blaming that translator has used his own thoughts in brackets LOLx. Don't you know the translation of Sahih International and others are approved by Islamic Scholars, read here

http://www.saheehinternational.com/

Now, give me answer if Jews and Christians of Today can go to heaven with corrupted scriptures and by not believing in Holy Prophet (S.A.W) why Allah (S.W.T) sent Holy Prophet (S.A.W) with Holy Qur'an if the people of previous scriptures are on straight path already?

Considering Christians are polytheism and if they can go to heaven why Allah (S.W.T) in Holy Qur'an said multiple times that Allah will not forgive association of partners with him,

Indeed, Allah does not forgive association with Him, but He forgives what is less than that for whom He wills. And he who associates others with Allah has certainly fabricated a tremendous sin. [4:48]

Indeed, Allah does not forgive association with Him, but He forgives what is less than that for whom He wills. And he who associates others with Allah has certainly gone far astray. [4:116]

And those who do not invoke with Allah another deity or kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that will meet a penalty. [25:68]

if according to you christian being polytheism can go to heaven?

Answer it.

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answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image
edited Mar 09 '13 at 09:58

at believer

i have understood from your way of discussing that 1- you ask for proof in the Quran when someone says you are wrong, 2- when the proof is stated, you are arguing with the scripture. Quran is not your personal playground or your own interpretation. you can discuss where you can apply the surahs, but you can not argue against the context of the surah itself.

once again you are trying to refute a scripture with a bracket (hadith). WHAT SAYS IN THE BRACKET IS THE ADDITION OF THE TRANSLATOR, DOES NOT EXIST IN THE QURAN.

i have posted more surahs about this matter. you didnt talk about those. i am waiting for your interpretation about those as well.

anyone who says that Christian or Jew goes to hell sees himself as God. do not do this. only Allah says who goes to hell and who doesnt.

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answered 634 pargali's gravatar image

@lost in love and @pargali

You can not marry a disbeliever. Holy Qur'an clearly states,

And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember. [Holy Qur'an 2:221]

First I want to clear what @pargali has said and quoted, because it clearly reflects in his replies that he only searches on internet what he feel is right and not what Islam says. The first verse which he quoted is as follows,

"Who spend [help the needy] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good; Ali-imran 134"

Answer: No believer can deny the above statement, Allah (S.W.T) loves who helps others. But note if a disbeliever do good in this world, Allah (S.W.T) pay back the disbeliever in this world and a disbeliever has no good portion for hereafter. However if a Muslim do good, Allah (S.W.T) gives him good in this world as well as in hereafter.

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Another verse which @pargali quoted, of which he only took the literal meaning but not what it actually says, here is the verse which he quoted

Indeed, those who believed and those who were Jews or Christians or Sabeans [before Prophet Muhammad] - those [among them] who believed in Allah and the Last Day and did righteousness - will have their reward with their Lord, and no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve. 2:62

Answer: Now if you just concentrate what is written in brackets [before Prophet Muhammad] and why the translator even wrote this? Bracket is provided to remove confusion. The verse clearly says Those who were Jews or Christians or Sabeans means, Jews at the time of Moses (PBUH) until the Prophet-hood of Jesus (PBUH) and Christians at the Time of Jesus (PBUH) until the Prophet-hood of Holy Prophet (S.A.W), now does it make clear why this is written in brackets [before Prophet Muhammad] ? The thing is that when new Shariah came it dissolves the previous Shariah of the Prophet before him. So who were Jews from the time of Moses (PBUH) until Jesus (PBUH) those Jews will go to heaven but not after Jesus (PBUH) given Prophet-hood because when Jesus (PBUH) came with his Shariah then it would be obligatory on every living jew to Believe in the Prophet-Hood of Jesus (PBUH) and become the follower of Jesus (PBUH). Similarly, now it is obligatory on every Christian to revert to Islam, Believe in Oneness of God and Believe in the Prophet-hood of Holy Prophet (S.A.W) because if they don't, they will not go to Paradise and there is no reward for them in hereafter. So @Love forget this, that your christian lover will go to heaven because now he has to embrace Islam or he will go to Hell.

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Another verse quoted by @pargali,

O you who have believed, do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you - then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people. 5:51

Answer: I don't know why you even quoted the above verse for this discussion as this goes against your own statement. It clearly states "do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you - then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people"

So Holy Qur'an is saying itself that they are not your true friends and do not make them your own friend or you will be one of them.

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Now after the long answering and clearing section which I have provided above.

Some proofs from Holy Qur'an that Allah (S.W.T) will not forgive Shirk (Polytheism) But Allah (S.W.T) can forgive any other sin.

Indeed, Allah does not forgive association with Him, but He forgives what is less than that for whom He wills. And he who associates others with Allah has certainly fabricated a tremendous sin. [4:48]

Indeed, Allah does not forgive association with Him, but He forgives what is less than that for whom He wills. And he who associates others with Allah has certainly gone far astray. [4:116]

And those who do not invoke with Allah another deity or kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that will meet a penalty. [25:68]

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answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image

thank you pargali,

i really appreciate the respond, he is a good believer but the thing that i am afraid that if we got married my marriage would be harram and how would i go to god if i my self know that what i committed is zina

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answered 102 lost%20in%20love's gravatar image

hello lost

below i tried to list you some verses that show that good people will also go to heaven, even if they are not Muslim. i included the verses that talk about good Jews and Christians, because from your story i guessed that your friend has a faith, though not Islam.

but before you look at any of these verses, please read this one:

"Who spend [help the needy] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good; Ali-imran 134"

he helped you in a time of your greatest need didnt he? this should answer your doubts. for those whom Allah has seen fit for heaven, you cannot condemn to hell with your own opinions.

anyway. here are some verses:

Indeed, those who believed and those who were Jews or Christians or Sabeans [before Prophet Muhammad] - those [among them] who believed in Allah and the Last Day and did righteousness - will have their reward with their Lord, and no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve. 2:62

Indeed, We sent down the Torah, in which was guidance and light. The prophets who submitted [to Allah ] judged by it for the Jews, as did the rabbis and scholars by that with which they were entrusted of the Scripture of Allah , and they were witnesses thereto. So do not fear the people but fear Me, and do not exchange My verses for a small price. And whoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed - then it is those who are the disbelievers. 5:44

O you who have believed, do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you - then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people. 5:51

Indeed, those who have believed [in Prophet Muhammad] and those [before Him] who were Jews or Sabeans or Christians - those [among them] who believed in Allah and the Last Day and did righteousness - no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve. 5:69

You will surely find the most intense of the people in animosity toward the believers [to be] the Jews and those who associate others with Allah ; and you will find the nearest of them in affection to the believers those who say, "We are Christians." That is because among them are priests and monks and because they are not arrogant. 5:82

And give good tidings to those who believe and do righteous deeds that they will have gardens [in Paradise] beneath which rivers flow. Whenever they are provided with a provision of fruit therefrom, they will say, "This is what we were provided with before." And it is given to them in likeness. And they will have therein purified spouses, and they will abide therein eternally. Bakara:25

Who spend [help the needy] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good; Ali-imran 134

Allah will say: "This is a day on which the truthful will profit from their truth: theirs are Gardens with rivers flowing beneath their eternal home: Allah well-pleased with them and they with Allah: that is the great Salvation (the fulfillment of all desires). Maide:119

For them who have done good is the best [reward] and extra. No darkness will cover their faces, nor humiliation. Those are companions of Paradise; they will abide therein eternally Yunus:26Indeed, they who have believed and done righteous deeds and humbled themselves to their Lord - those are the companions of Paradise; they will abide eternally therein. Hud:23

They who are during their prayer humbly submissive

And they who turn away from ill speech

And they who are observant of zakah (helping the needy)

And they who are to their trusts and their promises attentive

And they who carefully maintain their prayers

-Those are the inheritors

Who will inherit al-Firdaus(a cool heaven).

They will abide therein eternally.

Muminum:2 3 4 8 9 10 11 Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds - indeed, We will not allow to be lost the reward of any who did well in deeds.

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answered 634 pargali's gravatar image

i left him and i am asking god for forgiveness. i hate what i did to my self and to him. i broke his heart by leaving him and i pretty much lost my life by being with him. he still calling me and begging me to come back but i took a decision and i don't want to go back doing same sin over again. thanks for your help i appreciate it

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answered 102 lost%20in%20love's gravatar image

if he loves you my dear,he will be muslim but if he doesnt,then he wont,and by the way who knows maybe he is just using you.the fact tha you gave in to him means a lot,some men are unpredictable.i hope he wont ask you this question."IF YOU ACCEPTED TO SLEEP WITH ME,WHAT GUARANTEE DO I HAVE THAT YOU WONT SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MAN?' I END HERE.

(Mar 09 '13 at 22:35) khadijah khadijah's gravatar image

Totally agree with you @khadijah, and yes this is a common thought "once a liar always a liar" . And second thing, for which the marriage is created (sex - children), she has already done with him so I find no need for the man to get marry with @love and he is only calling her to go more astray as a Muslim girl can not marry a Christian and he is against the religion which by his thought disconnects their illegal connection. I find this an excuse from the christian guy to not to get marry with @love and to only sleep with her.

(Mar 10 '13 at 08:00) believer ♦ believer's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 06 '13 at 21:15

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Last updated: Jun 06 '13 at 13:23


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