Now updated: Ramadan calendar -

Assamualaikum plz for ALLAH's sake help me!!! i am in a relation with a guy since last four years,our relation was pure and we were not physical n all it started when i was 18.At first he had lied to me that he loved me while it was just time pass for him but then he admitted it himself and asked me to forgive him and he also did tawba as he said he had been flirting along with many girls,he told me that he respected me but didn't love me and that if i wanted i could leave him or stay as a friend . i prayed to Allah to change him and arouse feelings in his heart for me as i loved from d begining and intended to marry him,i helped him with his problems both emotionally and financially as a friend and helped out of all the mess he had been in.His attitude towards life changed and he also prayed 5 times,i studied hard to get something out of life.After about 7 months ALLAH answered my prayer and just before my results were out he proposed me n said he also loved me and intended to marry me ,in the meanwhile my results were declared and i got selected for mbbs in the same city where he studied away from home and since he also was studying so we had to wait for marriage! it was going on smoothly though at times he expressed his carnal desires but i didnt cooperate due to fear of Allah though staying away from home we got many chances but Allah saved me from evil..we didnt talk much and met occasionaly sometimes even after months partly because of my studies and partly because i feared Allah and it continued like this for three years,he is good fellow and it was him who supported me and counseled when i lost my mother and things became tough for me...but as fate had instore for me he commited a grave sin with a girl.the girl herself isn't a gud one she firstly consented for the evil deed and even took him to her friends house for the same and then blackmailed him after getting physical and pregnant that she would allege a rape case against him if he didnt marry her in fortnight and that she will go to his parents house and collect people there to defame him,she then even registered a police case against him.since he is in final year and in order to avoid defaming his family name and harming his sister who is getting married and also under pressure from police who the girl had friendly ties with and had probably been bribed he did nikah with her and later they aborted the child(may Allah forgive them for the same) He confessed all this to me and broke down into tears,he even touched my feet for forgiveness ,he pressed me to make a promise that i will marry a good guy which i could n't and told him would kill himself to end the misery,i counseled him that Allah was oft forgiving and also reminded him of his family responsibilities. he told me that it was a compromise and not a nikah and that he had told her and her parents beforehand that he would never love her as he loved me and had fallen into the trap of shaitaan at that unfortunate moment, After marriage he hasn't been physical with her and only visits her esp when she threatens him and that he will divorce her but presently silent because he hasn't finished his degree yet and if his parents come to know they will throw him out of their house....i came know about dis few days back .A few days after their nikah she called me and heaped me with abuses and threatned me of defaming without even accepting her own fault. i have forgiven him but told him that he wont call me or msg me because whatever the condition but still i dont want him to fall into gunah as he is now a married man and i told him i was still willing to marry him still but only after his parents approach mine which can happen only after my degree is completed which will take 3 more yrs but he says he cant live without talking to me and wants me to have a secret nikah with him so dat we talk in a halal way atleast till i can marry him publicly i am confused wat to do???? we really love each other n i fear to leave him i didn't agree to the secret nikah but he said that he will persuade my younger brother who is 21 to be my wali and that we will renew our marriage after few years when i'm done with my studies.would it be halal in such a case??? moreover if he divorces her would that gunah come on me, i'm already depressed because of the sins i commited being in a relation with a non mehram man. He also says that the girl he has married under pressure is five years older then him and was a drug trafficker(which slipped from her tongue once) and probably was not a virgin (Allahu Alam) i would have no problem to share my husband with a second woman as its allowed in islam but she is westernised hell,abusive,and i doubt her faithfulness moreover i fear dignity of my parents as people make rumours that i have poisoned a married mans life with out knowing the truth.He tells me that he will take me to his home and that woman would be able to do nothing even if she comes n that he can easily divorce her at that time
plz advice

asked 103 Aalia's gravatar image
edited Mar 17 '13 at 14:03 aaliya ♦ 1.1k2416 aaliya's gravatar image

will your father be happy when he would hear about the secret marriage of yours after loosing your mom ? he would suffer a lot of trauma...sister never do such things which will cause your dad to feel guilty for the things you are doing. a secret nikah isnt the solution for your problems..why dont u talk to your dad about this boy..? as u said there are 3 more years for your degree to complete then you both can get engaged if not married as even then doing things would be halal for you..! who knows that after this secret nikah he will be trustworthy ? or he wont ditch u ? anything can happen in the future..! I advice u to consult your father regarding this.

yes he can divorce the girl if both of them want to untie the knot. and is there vacancy of boys on this earth ? there are soo many well behaved,good natured,understanding muslim why do u want him(he is already married)? wait for the right time and do supplication that ALLAH does the best for u.! and for now I guess u should be concentrating more on your studies...! after all u are studying mbbs. and then later on when u become a good doctor you have the guys of your choice to choose from..but the final decision lies unto u think on what I said and for no doubt dont hide anything from your father..!

may ALLAH guide you award points or vote up my answer if you are satisfied :) u can also leave me a feedback :)

answered 1.1k2416 aaliya's gravatar image

i'm in a dilemma i love him a lot...he z in a problem he made me hear their conversations and from that it was clear that what he told me was true... i find myself in a difficult situation i had dreamed to be with him all my life...:( i fear if i leave him would i ever be happy or what if i regret...... i have no one so trustworthy moreover i dont want to defame him or make people think bad about him... i don't speak with him since many days but he keeps on calling and messaging though!!! i feel more for his mother than him as i have lost mine...d girl whom he was forced to marry is going to make their life a troubled mess... he hasn't been physical with her after marriage...the girl doesn't pray,wears western apparel and god knows where she gets the money from... even if i dont get him i dont want to leave him alone in this troubled time as he has always been there for me...its only his maritial status which prevents me from talking to him...i dont want him to fall in bigger sins..

answered 103 Aalia's gravatar image
Your answer
toggle preview

Markdown Basics

  • *italic* or __italic__
  • **bold** or __bold__
  • link:[text]( "title")
  • image?![alt text](/path/img.jpg "title")
  • numbered list: 1. Foo 2. Bar
  • to add a line break simply add two spaces to where you would like the new line to be.
  • basic HTML tags are also supported



Asked: Mar 15 '13 at 08:38

Seen: 1,918 times

Last updated: Mar 17 '13 at 14:03

©1998-2013 Publications and Research.       All Rights Reserved.