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Please advise me what to do with my unfair mother. It really hurts when im being treated differently compared to my siblings. Was it because she didnt raise me up? It was partly her fault coz she took me to my aunt when i was still an infant coz she has to go back abroad to be with my father. So ofcourse, i grew up loving my aunt. 6 years later, we were reunited for the first time with my parents and siblings. But instead of make things up with me, she treated me like i wasnt hers. She'd buy things for my sister and none for me. And when she does, it was always the cheapest one. She only finds me useful when she needs something done and when theres no one available to accompany her. She buys cool things for my sister & ignore my pleas. After my aunt's death, i was devastated. I have no one to run to. And so i lived like cinderella, she would let me handle all the household chores while my siblings do nothing. Alhamdulillah i got married and thats the only time i found comfort once again. But that didnt stop my mom's unjust actions. It pains me to see that she adores my siblings' kids and scolds mine. She even likes my siblings wives instead of me (as i've observed on countless times). Shes nice to me when people are around us, but when alone, she usually complains about everything about me. She makes me pay for things ive borrowed from my siblings although i have the lowest income of them all. I really wish to live separately away from her but i cant make ends meet. My husband barely sustains our necessities. So sadly, we live with her. Im not a perfect muslim, but im trying my best to be one. And i know that in islam, our paradise lies within our mother's feet. But how can i like her if shes like a tyrant to me. No considerations, no compliments, no satisfaction, etc. Shes a good muslim, reads the quran, attends islamic seminars. Yet it doesnt change the way she treats me. I was badly hurt as a child, and im still hurt as an adult. I really dont know what to do. May Allah guide me.

asked 1011 TBG's gravatar image

sister she is your mom. I know mom sometimes(in your case everytime) do such unjust and unfair things..discriminating between the kids..and this action is disliked by all even me..actually she has been staying far away from u since years and I guess thats the reason she mustnt be liking u..try to be nice to her..as lovable and caring as you can be..I am sure she would think in her heart that she troubles you so much and still you are being so nice caring to her u would ultimately see the changes in your mom..make her some tea in the evening..do her a head and leg massage at night..kiss her on forehead in the morning when she wakes up..hug her, comb her hair and etc. I know this things cant be easy for you as you have a bit hatred towards your mom as she has been mean to u..but why not try doing all this pleasurable things to her? what if all this things changes her? so do not give up..and when she'll start caring for you unconditionally she will start caring for your kids too.. I am sure in sha ALLAH you would see the changes in her soon :)

verily with hardship comes ease :)

vote up or award points if you are satisfied by my answer..u can even leave me a feedback :)

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answered 1.1k1416 aaliya's gravatar image

I disagree. You won't see the changes. It's all psychological. See the past, how was she raised? What was she taught? How was her parents towards her? You will begin to understand a lot. You seem like a patient person and an understanding kind person. Our parents come from the olden days, for them to change is very difficult. They also have a lot of pride and will never admit their mistakes ever.

I fully understand what you are going through. Being treated that way, doesn't allow you to be the parent you can be to your own children. Because she probably puts you down in front of your kids.

I suggest you move out and prevail your own sanity and allow your relationship with your mum to regain some respect.

Allah make it easy for you, Insha Allah. I feel for you my dear sister.

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answered 10 Shenaaz's gravatar image

Hi - I also don't get on with my parents, I am the only daughter of 4 siblings, my brothers can never do any wrong, my eldest brother was in a long term relationship everyone in our community knows about it, been with the for 16 years and wouldn't marry her but again doesn't let go of her. My middle brother who shouts at mum no and again, my youngest brother married an English woman and had a Christian wedding without inviting any of the family or letting anyone know. Me I had an arranged marriage to someone back home whom my parents wanted me to marry I knew I wouldn't be happy with him but still married have as my parents wanted me to. I am now divorced and living on my own I really couldn't make it work as I didn't like him. Two of my brothers are married and left home, I saw mum cry and said that she felt lonely, that broke my heart, so I said to her that I will move back in and asked her if I could move back in the house twice, she turned round and said NO! I don't want you in the house?! That really hurt me, and I have decided not to ever go round to see the parents everyday. The never call me to see how I am, and when I go round they never talk to me. But my mum is always having a laugh and good conversations with my brothers and my sister in laws.

my brothers love my parents wholeheartedly because they get the love back from both the parents. Unfortunately I was bought up differently, just feel uncomfortable to show love towards my parents now, I used to buy them so much and really go out of my way for them. But just stopped that because they still treated me differently. And now I can't get myself round to even showing then any love and effection and they never have shown any love and effection towards me.

I am really heart broken by my parents, and I don't call them and I don't go to see them either, is this a sin on me? Will Allah punish me for my actions??

I await for response

Regards

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answered 10 Rohima's gravatar image

Salam i am going through rough patch too but u have to be patient.

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answered 8588 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 16 '13 at 08:51

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Last updated: May 29 at 17:50



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