I am 24 years old and going through severe depression its like the whole world is falling apart and i am feeling so lonely and desperate for true love. I met a girl 2 years ago and at the first glance itself i asked allah that please make her my future wife. I talked to her, proposed to her she accepted in a week. We worked in the same office for 6 months and later she moved to another company and i went some little far place from my town. we were so much into love which led us to commit zina ( I regret for it now - may allah forgives me). we went out to different places having great time ,most of the time to beach talking about how we will be getting married and what are the names we give to our children and so many other things which usually a married couple talks. Twice a month i come to my home town and she never let me go back and says she misses me and always wanted to be with me. I believed her more than anything in this world i loved her so much and never thought of getting apart from her. we often had little fights but we will be back together in minutes usually i get back to her. 5 months ago we had a same kind of fight and that day night i got a message from her saying lets break up. first i thought it was some joke and never took it seriously. 10 days passed and i was really afraid and i called her back but she refused to talk to me. Later she replied me back with the message that she is in love with her manager and they are going to get married soon. I am completely shattered and since then i never had a good sleep i lost my weight my inner peace my friends and everything around me. I never thought she would dump me after we had physical relationship. i wanted to marry her. still lover her. I even foolishly went to see that manager- it made the situation even worse. He casually replied that whatever i might have done to her it doesnt matter and he doesnt see her past. But i does matter to me, i lost my everything to her. All i wanted is true love. i dont know what to do.. I am really afraid to have another girl in my life because i already had a physical relationship with another girl and i am kind of feeling guilty. someone please help me with this

asked 15114 ferouze's gravatar image

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Assalamu 'alaykum 'alaykum wa ra'hmatullahi wa barakatuhu wa magfiratuhu . May Allah forgive your sins . Brother , we can't get everything we want in life . You should be happy with whatever you have . Do you want to hear what i am going through ? I have a tooth problem , i can't eat properly , i had a breakup , i can't sleep in peace , i sometimes am so depressed that i even tried to suicide . My love will never be mine the way i want . But i had to move on . There are bigger things in life than love for women . You should repent to Allah sincierly for your mistakes . Zina is a punishable act . I think you should learn the attributes of Allah . Loving him should be your only goal . Allah has so many good attributes for which anyone can fall in love with him . Also , you should try to find a religious muslim woman of your choice , so that she will help you forget your past . A pious woman will most likely never cheat on you . Stop thinking about the woman you lost . Remember , she has betrayed you .

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answered 1.8k2313 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image

wa 'alaykum 'alaykum wa ra'hmatullahi wa barakatuhu wa magfiratuhu, I know she betrayed me but when i am trying to hate her and forget her i fail and again tearing apart into pieces.. i dont know what to do.. please include me in ur daily dua.

(Mar 18 '13 at 14:13) ferouze ferouze's gravatar image

brother i understand ur feeling cos this is d samething dat am going through right as am writting my case was her parent forced her to marry anoda person all sort of depression am going thru bt i bliv & what i want u to bliv is that Allah knows what is the best for us, we might love what is bad for our future & we might hate what is good for us said the prophet muhammad (saw) it hurt i know bt it is a text to our faith to see if we can thank Allah in tears in pain & in sorrows what I always said oh u put to me d love of this girl & now my heart is in pieces Allah I know u love me morethan I love my self pls accept this as an act of ibadat & reward me. Anytime u think of her say innalilahi wa'ina ilaihim ragiun & Allah will rewar u for saying this so u see Allah has made a simple away to earn on reward this is only if u bliv as muslim. Man if I should tell u my love history with this girl u will know am going through alot o depression bt ours we never thought of romance talkless of sex cos is against our religion & culture.

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answered 355 salihu's gravatar image

Brother ferouze , don't give up . I have a question for you , do you have any relation with a girl now ?

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answered 1.8k2313 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image

No. not at all. Nowadays i am not even speaking to anyone.

(Mar 19 '13 at 06:17) ferouze ferouze's gravatar image

Talking about looking for another girl now is not d solution, u & this girl have been for a while, u've been ues to each other it wont be that easy to forget her so soon cos it takes a minute to love someone but takes a lifetime to forget that person. All I want from u believe in AAllah's doing & u will have three benefits: 1st Allah will love u for accepting the temptation put upon u, 2nd Allah will reward u for reciting the du'a & 3rdly in combination of the two above Allah will choose u another which u will surely tesrify in everything she is better than your ex. Remember these could be acheived if u're sincered to urself & ur patner bcos haven sex b4 marriage shows u're not a sincered person as a muslim this is a heavy sin against ur lord. To tell u d truth this girl doesnt border about u d way u border cos u've shown her ur untrusth for haven sex wit even if she wanted it or she asked for it, to her u're a player. u're a man u should know d right from d wrong. Pls fear ALLAH & ask for his 4giveness ma'asalam

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answered 355 salihu's gravatar image

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakathahu...

I know i did a grave mistake and it was out of my own delusion. I know its a sin to have physical relationship before marriage..but i was mislead by shaytan whispering in my ears that she is anyway going to be your wife..then its ok.. go ahead.. but now i can see him nowhere near me. I am the one who is suffering and i really feel bad about it..

I dont know what to say..

(Mar 24 '13 at 08:55) ferouze ferouze's gravatar image

u still dont know what to said? meaning my advice was in vain

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answered 355 salihu's gravatar image

Yours is not in any vain my dear brother. i totally understood. you know i am here in pain seeking for any moral support and any way that could ease my heart.. please dont start a conversation that would kindle up any hardness between us. i said "i dont know what to say" meaning - i am so disturbed and feeling so guilty that my life went like this.. i believe you got what i meant by that..

(Mar 24 '13 at 09:24) ferouze ferouze's gravatar image

Please try and look for a nice and islamic woman ok.

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answered 1311 Ibrahim%20bah's gravatar image

The first thing to acknowledge is that what you have done is wrong. You transgressed the bounds God, the One who knows you best, the One who created you, the One who knows all, and now you are suffering the consequences of those decisions. It was a test and you made wrong decisions and now you are meant to rise above and learn from the mistakes that you have made.

I am not sure if you understand the gravity of the sins - please think deeply about how you have dishonoured yourself and this girl (who was also careless of her own honour). You relied on the fact that you went so far with the sister (i.e physical relationship with her) to keep you guys together. And how frail was that? How frail is it to rely on a sin rather than on Allah? How frail is it to disobey Allah and not keep chaste until he grants you a blessed love for the sake of Allah, one which is everlasting because it is for the One who is everlasting.

This girl, who is a father's precious daughter, meant to be taken care of by a righteous spouse, who Allah is too shy to tell her what awaits her in Jannah if she is righteous, has committed a deeply immoral action. Actions which will likely take time for your heart to fully repair from.

Yet despite this, Allah is allowing for the pain (which is caused by your actions) to pull you back to Him. Your heart hurts and this is a mercy. What is the purpose of all the hurt? For you to take this opportunity to transform yourself and become a righteous believer. Because although you may have committed the sin of both minor and major zina, your heart is open to purification now. You are going through a cleansing process and you must take this opportunity to repent and seek that which is halal and blessed.

Imagine if you had married this girl. Would you be happy marrying someone who easily committed zina? Are you happy starting your life as a zani yourself? Would you not rather have started your marriage in a way that is pleasing to Allah? Indeed, why else are we here on earth except to please Allah?

I recommend you try your best to repent, Allah azza wa jal is so merciful. He can change your bad deeds to good deeds. He loves to forgive. He will bless you with someone that is righteous, inshaAllah, so long as you make efforts to deserve it.

Start by

  1. Understanding your reason for existence is not to marry a true love, a first love, or any love for that matter. It is to worship Allah, who will never let you down. Who else has the ability to love you the most? Who else deserves your love?

  2. Get connected to Allah through the Qur'an. I know you are thinking, how can the Qur'an heal my depression? Allah can and will if you allow Him to speak to you and you listen to His commandments. If you truly believe the Qur'an is the word of God and that He knows what is BEST for you to achieve happiness - you would follow the Qur'an because that is Him talking to you.

Possible Roadblocks

  1. Feeling like you will not find anything better - Allah is the owner of the heavens and the earth. There is most definitely a better sister out there for you. You just need to deserve her now.

  2. Not finding tranquility in the Qur'an - Know that this is because your heart is hardened. You have to strive very hard to get past this and build your Imaan. Listen to lectures online by Nouman Ali Khan, Moutassem Al Hameedi, etc. and build your Imaan. Put your entire soul into building your Imaan and don't give up.

  3. Don't despair from the Mercy of Allah. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCktCdVaHIo

May Allah azza wa jal envelop you in His mercy, transform you into a righteous brother, grant you a righteous spouse, and grant you a place in Jannah close to Him.

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answered 10 ehsaanmuslima's gravatar image

sleep it off :P no im joking. having a broken heart is a part of life. only time will mend it praying would probably help.

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answered 162218 a_mohammed's gravatar image

Salam

I need advise from all brothers.

I have been married to my cousin for more than ten years. Last year I found out that my husband is cheating on my for the last two years. At that time I was 7 months pregnant with our second child. He asked for forgiveness and promised that its not gonna happen again so I forgave him for the sake of my kids and family. But recently he cheated again on me with the same girl. Now that loving man turned so evil he says really bad things to me he even told me twice to kill myself. Sometimes I feel like I would be better without him but then what about my kids how will I raise them without a father. I have no family here so I can't ask anyone for advise. Me and my husband are now like two stranger living together. I don't know how to connect with him.I don't know how to make everything right again. It's just that he is pulling away and I am holding on so hard. All day and all night I cry. my life is just upside down. If I ask my in laws for help they say he is still here he didn't leave so what else you want. My heart is broken to so many pieces. It hurts so badly. I loved him but he back stabbed me so many times. But for some reason I still love him. Please advice me on what to do. Thanks a lot

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answered 10 reemoo's gravatar image

Broken heart means getting away from faith or losing faith on religion Islam and Allah (SWT), this condition is a trial of Human from Almighty Allah (SWT), he should try not lose faith after succeeding in trials he will be rewarded by Allah (SWT).

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answered 10 anisafatima's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 18 '13 at 06:23

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Last updated: Mar 12 at 00:23


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