Salam to all brothers and sisters ... I want to seek your opinions on something that has ruined my life. My husband is a nice man, very loving and understanding. We had our Nikahh in August 2012 and our wedding took place ( we started living together ) in December 2012. Just a week after our marriage , in Jan 2013 , i found out that my husband was in a relationship with a woman who happens to be her boss in his workplace and 10 years older than him (she is unmarried). He continued with the relationship even after our Nikah in August. Only a few days before our wedding in December he disclosed it to that lady that he has got married in August. they had a huge fight but then they reached this consensus that they will keep talking to each other as good friends and colleagues and every other thing is over . When i learnt about all this i was only 1 week into my marriage it was a huge shocker for me bacause after our nikah we had fallen in love with each other and i had been very very happy and it was hard for me to accept that in all this time he had been talking to and texting and meeting up with another woman as well. my husband was unaware that I have found out about his relationship. I could not find the courage to tell him and confront him. During all this time he was also worried about the possibility of me finding out about his past relationship. And since he was still friends with that lady and also because she was his boss , he still used to talk to her but not in front of me. He was trying to hide the fact that he talks to her boss at all. But I caught him talking on the phone alone many times. I was so hurt but i did not confront him and did not tell him that i know about her. I was also pregnant at that time and i caught my husband talking to somebody on the phone many times when i was not around and then deleting the caller's history later on. i was shattered. so finally i confronted with him and showed all the proofs and text messaged from his past and then he started crying and apologizing. He confessed that he never liked or loved her but only to get some benefits in his job he encouraged her advances. He told me and i beleived him that it was her who was interested in him but he was never emotionally attached to her and never loved her or anything but only being nice to her to please the boss and not lose the job as he was in need of money at that time. He had told her clearly that he doesnt love her but he continued talking to her and never really discouraged her when she sent him lovey dovey texts and emails, instead he was being overly nice with her. They even went shopping together once or twice I even found a few text messaged sent by my husband containing effectionate words and stuff. i know that my husband loves me and he is otherwise the nicest man ever but i cant get over his past and the fact that he is still working with her in the same office and she still talks to him about office matters and calls him up every other day and he still choose to hide it from me that she called him by deleting her texts and calls history all this is so disturbing for me and sometimes make me suspicious.i love my husband to the core but i had been through so much i had a miscarriage and we lost our child during all this trauma. my husband cant leave this job before sepetember his contract will be over in september. Please advice on me how to deal with all this hurt and how to start trusting my husband again. God bless you all.

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closed Apr 25 '13 at 03:38 sadie ♦ 1.6k313 sadie's gravatar image

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(Apr 23 '13 at 23:35) Irfan Alam ♦ Irfan%20Alam's gravatar image

The question has been closed for the following reason "Question has been posted in community forum" by sadie Apr 25 '13 at 03:38

Wa alaykumus salam . Well this is big. The Quran is big on this. I don't know what country your from but in most countries we can't go by the Shariah without ending up in prison. the only thing that i can see that you can do is to treat him with the respect of a husband. You clearly love him enough that you are staying with him. You both have rights over eachother, try to let be what it was. He plans to quit his job to please you, clearly he is remorseful. But what you should not do is get so caught up in the situation that you end up emotionally wrecked. You guys are in love, if you can move on from it then Al hamdu Lillah, but don't let it destroy you. Forgiveness is an act of chairity. Allah says in the Quran Surah 42 Ayahs 39-42 which translates to mean:"The recompence for an evil is an evil like thereof, but whomsover forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah." I hope that I was of some help. In Shaa Allah, things will get better. And remeber that Allah bears not a person past the scope of what they can bear

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answered 533 Muttawakkil's gravatar image
edited Apr 23 '13 at 11:37 Muhammad Abdul Ahad ♦ 1.8k2313 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image

What do you mean by "we can't go by the Shariah without ending up in prison." ?

Seriously friend the above statement was not even required in your answer but as you have said that so I ask you for an explanation. Thanks

(Apr 23 '13 at 11:08) believer ♦ believer's gravatar image

the issue of adultry is huge in Islam. So how is a question base on adultry not required to have Shariah brought up? And the reason I say that we can't practise it is beacause if you look at what I said about not knowing the country that the sister is from, here in the U.S. if we were to implement the laws of the shariah regaurding the above situation we would be in jail

(Apr 23 '13 at 11:17) Muttawakkil Muttawakkil's gravatar image

The wording you used in your answer portrayed the Islamic Shari'ah in negative way, it creates doubt when you say "we can't go by the Shariah without ending up in prison.", for a reader it gives the message as if we go with Shari'ah we will end up in jail because you have not even quoted the crime of "Adultery".

And she didn't say that her husband has done adultery rather only shopping and messaging are mentioned. Maybe you are right but she didn't mention it so we can not assume that her husband has done adultery.

Your intentions were good but wording raises doubts.

(Apr 23 '13 at 14:22) believer ♦ believer's gravatar image

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Asked: Apr 23 '13 at 04:02

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Last updated: Apr 25 '13 at 03:38


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