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I am 25 yrs of age and bought up in a well respected pakistani family. I have had a bad past, was around the wrong kind of people. I am in a relationship with a muslim guy of 22yrs and we ended up having sexual Intercourse- for me it was the first time. I feel very hurt that i let myself go, as i always told Myself i would do that once married and never before, but one thing led To another.. the thought of any other guy touching me Makes me sick physicaly. Not just that the guy i am With is caring, from a good fam, he is half pakistani and half yemeni. He is for me the ideal- he possesses all the characteristics compatible to me. He has lived a boyish life and is very mature and smart mashallah- and wants to make a good future for us both. He is working and is from a well family. My family want me to Marry in the family, they have given me options which i have declined as i cannot let them be my husband and i know i would be living a lie if i married them, moreso i have lost myself to my guy. Is it right for me to continue saying no to the options and ask For my guy to ask for my hand. I know it will be difficult and my family will ask me why i want to marry him but i cannot explain what i have done, i cannot bring the shame to my fam. I do love this guy and i can see a good future with him and vice versa. He loves me and wants to marry me too. I physically and mentaly Cannot let anyone else be with me. Please help me. Jazakallah

asked 153 Sam123's gravatar image
edited Apr 29 '13 at 07:36

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Islam is very particular regarding this sin and have described the punishment also.

The [unmarried] woman or [unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse - lash each one of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them in the religion of Allah , if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their punishment. [Holy Qur'an 24:2]

The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers. [Holy Qur'an 24:3]

above verse clearly states, "fornicator does not marry except a fornicator". So you shouldn't destroy the life of any other guy by marrying him as a Fornicator has been made unlawful for the believers rather you should marry the same person with whom you have committed the sin and you also love him.

So, if you accept the punishment of 100 lashes you will be totally free from the burden of this sin. Some say that if you truly repent and promised never to do it again so Allah (S.W.T) will forgive you however I am in support of the punishment. And I never read any Hadith in which the punishment for the adulterers was not given.

I have given you the answer in full honesty, you are free to consult any Islamic Scholar.

answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image
edited Apr 29 '13 at 11:01

I am, as it is a major sin not just that I feel like i have let myself down, my family and most importantly my lord.. I really appreciate your words and will seek guidance from a mufti sahib.. jazakallah.. May Allah swt reward you for your work- alot of lives your helping to correct.. That is a true person. Mashallah. Thank you once again

answered 153 Sam123's gravatar image

Ameen. May Allah (S.W.T) guide you and me.

(May 02 '13 at 10:00) believer ♦ believer's gravatar image

I am very ashamed of my action. Its a sin i will take with me to the grave. I am not happy about it but its playing on my mind and im mentally loosing it. My family will ask questions, and will use the emotional blackmail etc i do not want to ruin anyone elses life- even though i know the options i have been given have too had a past- but me being a girl it is on a completely different level. But in the eyes of my lord marrying this guy would be the best option for me? I made a big mistake but its eating me up as i want to do The right thing, but i cannot tell my family the reason. You do not know me but i respect that you have answered my question. I am not a bad person, it was just a situation we got ourselves in that shoudnt have happened ofcourse. But marrying anyone else i cannot do as it will cause probs they will know i am not a virgin. Im stuck- if i cant marry the one who i love then i cannot literally get married. The thought of some one else near me would kill me i cannot do it.

answered 153 Sam123's gravatar image

See, this sin is affecting your mentality and you ended up only loosing your modesty. What your family may ask or may not would be the consequences of this sin which you may face but it is not must that your family will ask you anything regarding this boy so you can say that he loves you or you love him or you both have very much understandings.. etc. Make any reason, but convince your parents somehow.

But if you marry any other person this is very much likely that he will get to know that you are not a virgin and believe me your family will not be able to take this burden however if you married to your loved one your sin will not be exposed. Second thing is that, as you said that you know that your proposals had a past too then I want to tell you that having a past doesn't mean they had done adultery as well having a past means Gf/Bf culture but it doesn't necessarily means that they had done adultery or are you really sure that they had committed adultery as well? because if you are not sure then you will add another sin to your life as well which will be with you till death.

Marrying with the same person is the best as well as the only option for you. Don't think of marrying someone else.

Edit: You have a choice to not to take this sin with you in grave, if you accept the punishment of 100 lashes. Or you can ask to any Islamic Scholar a Mufti and if the Mufti says that you will be free from this sin by a sincere repentance then do it, otherwise I want to tell you that if you didn't accept the punishment then there are evil consequences of this sin as well which one has to face in this world as well. So better ask a Mufti. And marry with the same person as he has a share in your present condition and no other guy.

answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image
edited Apr 29 '13 at 11:31

It will be hard enough for me to tell my family of him, it will be very hard but i have to face whatever is thrown at me as i cannot marry anyone else. I made a big mistake, i never thought i would be in this situation. But the best thing to do is explain to family he is it for me? It will be very hard to convince them, but i cannot let them marry me to anyone else. It will be very hard to convince them but then again i cannot let them know of the reason why it has to be done moreso. With the comment you have made regarding the past- i have been told by one that he has b Slept around and the other i have seen with my very own eyes with a white woman and its bound to have taken to that degree. Do u think me reading nikah with him will be a better way of maybe gettin my family to understand why i cannot be with anyone else.. I just dont know how to convince my family- because allah is my witness, i feel so ashamed that i let it get to that stage. I cannot let abyone near me and it would be a lie me marrying anyone else. I rather die than let it come to that. Yes suicide is haram- but i am just explaining, making you understand the situation. Jazakallah

answered 153 Sam123's gravatar image

Can you advise me of a mufti or details of one i can contact..

answered 153 Sam123's gravatar image

I have to go for prayer right now, so I'll answer you In Sha Allah when I will be back. But please don't think of suicide as you may die but you will leave a great sorrow to your family they haven't brought up you so that one day you can kill yourself. And what explanation does your parents will give to the society that why her daughter committed suicide? Plus you know its haram so its better to take an Islamic Solution.

answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image

I couldnt do that but havimg the lashes would most prob leave me loosing my life- which i dont mind as it is the rightful punishment for me but i cannot disgust my family like that- kasam it would be torture for them. I know i have to face the consequences of my actions but i do not want it affecting my family in anyway- that i cannot live with the thouht of them knowing what i have done. It is bad enough letting my lord down, i cannot eat, sleep. Anything anymore.. I appreciate your advise. May Allah swt bless you abundantly. You are a good muslim.

answered 153 Sam123's gravatar image

Who told you that 100 lashes will kill you? Do you know Islam prescribed the punishment of Stone to Death to the married adulterers so If Allah (S.W.T) would want the unmarried adulterers to be killed so Allah (S.W.T) would not prescribed the punishment of 100 lashes.

I just want to ask you that, how you are so sure that your parents will not accept the yemeni guy as your life partner? Did your parents already know about him? Or he has a bad reputation in front of your parents?

Thank you but I am just an ordinary Muslim who only tries to help his fellow Muslim brothers and sisters.

I would advice you to approach to the Central Mosque or any Islamic Organization and most likely you will find a Mufti there. And please remember only a Mufti can give Fatwa and no other Maulana but only a Mufti. So always ask a Mufti, by writing a letter to him and describe your story to him and ask what you should do.

And convince your parents to marry you with that yemeni guy.

answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image
edited Apr 29 '13 at 12:26

I understand but i know myself- i could never survive that. My family are all about casts- and it has to be someone of the same cast. My brothers and sisters that are married have all had arranged marriages, out of the 6, 4 have ended in divorce. My brothers being guys have not been able to go against my parents decision- my father in particular. Saying that from Then and now my father has slowly changed his ways with praying 5 times mashallah and reading Into Islam it has been an eye opener. Its not that they know of him or anything bad- just the fact that he is not the same cast and someone completely randomn would be an issue for them in itself?! Ofcourse i knew this all but i didnt plan for this to happen, for me to fall for this guy. I cannot undo anything but do the best by my familys respect, and my future too..

answered 153 Sam123's gravatar image
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Asked: Apr 29 '13 at 07:30

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Last updated: May 02 '13 at 10:00

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