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Asslalamu 'alaykum . Friend of mine came to ask me for her brother ( for some reason my parents weren't happy and said no! ) but we liked each other talk on Skype for nearly 2 years , he lives in overseas . We want to get marry inshaallah if Allah lets us and have kids settle down . We recently met (in different country) without telling anyone . The problem is I am hiding my past and haven't told his mom yet but his sisters know about my past the problem is my parents doesn't like the way his not telling his mom and that makes my mom angry and tells me off there is no way you will marry this guy! Im not sure if this is true/not in Islam divorced women is like a son for her parents (if it makes sense) He says my mom will be fine after i settle and have kids but if i tell her now for sure she won't accept you. Im really confused what to say or even think about it i did istikhara i cant remember exactly i think i did 3 times 1st one was good feelings and those 2 was i believe also it was good I saw light colours but im not sure then this happen my parents still not saying yes or even he still didnt tell his parents about my past im really tired of hearing this I know in Islam it forbidden to have boyfriend/girlfriend thats why we want to get married ASAP to avoid of makruh or haram things.. Jazakumullahu khairan .

asked 1513 Unknown1's gravatar image
edited May 01 '13 at 03:02

Marriage is not permissible and is not valid except with a wali, according to the majority of scholars, because of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Majaah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ 7557. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.”  Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709. 

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answered 4519 Light's gravatar image

Wa 'alaykumus salam . Sister , you should've posted this on the community site . The question was really long , I can't clearly make out what your real question is . I am assuming that your real question is " Is marrying him allowed if my mother doesn't like this and I don't inform him about my past ? " . Sister , you know that hurting our parents is forbidden in islam . If you marry without your mother's consent , she might be hurt . So I suggest you to convince your mother regarding this subject so that your mother might give you permission to marry him . And , you should tell him your past , as it might save you from problems in the long run . If you get married with him not knowing your past , one day he might find out all about this and your relationship with him might be at stake . So , I advise you to make everything clear to him before marriage . And please don't spend too much time with him before marriage . There's a very good chance of zina . Don't get too intimate with him before marriage . And keep doing istikhara , you might get some help from Allah .

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answered 1.8k2313 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image

Thanx for that but he is not where I live he lives overseas we just talk via Skype and social networks and he knows everything i did tell him at first i was married before.. my question was is that okay to married without permission of my parents it is not fisrt marriage.

(May 01 '13 at 04:48) Unknown1 Unknown1's gravatar image

THE RASUL SWS HAS STATED IN A HADEETH,"THE BEST OF YOU ARE THOSE WHO ARE BEST TO THEIR FAMILY, AND I AM THE BEST TO MY FAMILY." SISTER THIS IS WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT NEVER KEEP YOUR FAMILY IN THE DARK ABOUT MATTERS THAT IS THIS SERIOUS.MAY ALLAH AZZA WAL JALL GUIDE YOU.

(May 02 '13 at 01:11) yaqin ♦ yaqin's gravatar image

I was in a similar situation. I fell for someone over sea and was talking to him for more than a year on Skype, messaging and phone calls etc when we met up it was perfect etc. but when i told my parents about him they had a very bad feeling about him. So i continued talking to him despite my parents saying no. I would have chosen him over my parents. I left the country that we both met him as he lives back home and I’m in England and then i heard about him with another girl. I was going to give up everything for this guy and to think my whole family had warned me! i was just so sure he was the one and we wanted to get married ASAP and everything to avoid zina etc I lost my family’s trust and respect which is the worst possible feeling ever. I would rather be with someone my family were happy with to be quite honest. Your parents know best, don’t go for looks etc Give yourself time and inshallah allah knows what’s best for you. If your mum doesn`t accept him then in my opinion DONT GET MARRIED TO HIM.

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answered 616 Hayat_96's gravatar image

Indeed it is ok but you should tell them before marrigae because it is major decision in human life so they can atleast know whome you are going to marry

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answered 1183 saleemkhan's gravatar image
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First of all your parents and is parents should accept yall feelings toward eachother as long as hes not going to harm you or as long as he is a good brother and you are a good sister than i dont see the problem.

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answered 8 mecca's gravatar image
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Asked: Apr 30 '13 at 10:53

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Last updated: May 13 '13 at 07:33


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