My husband and I were married November of last year. When I met him over a year ago, I was a "white" Christian. We started out as friends, I worked at his business, and we eventually fell for each other. I learned about Islam, embraced it, fell in love with it, and converted. Before we got married, his parents loved me. The relationship I had with his mother was more amazing than the relationship I had with my own mother. When we did get married, things changed. I was suddenly no longer accepted and I felt very unwelcome in their home. His younger sister would tell me things they would say about me such as "I'm not good enough for their son" I have a child from my previous marriage and they talked very bad about that as well even though their son had a child out of wedlock. They aren't accepting of mistakes I've made in the past and the biggest issue is because I'm not arab. I've been called a dumb hillbilly by them amongst other things. Recently, his sister and I had a fall out. She was the only one I was close to. But she put my in situations that would require me to lie to my husband so she wouldn't get in trouble. I told her I wouldn't tell him, but I couldn't live with not being honest to my husband. She found out I told him the truth and now she hates me as well and it seems my husband and I are just the outcasts of the family. I don't know what to do. My heart breaks for my husband because this is his family but I am also his wife. What should my expectations of him be? I obviously don't want him to disrespect his family over me because that will just make it worse, but I've tried everything to mend the broken fence and they just won't accept me. Please please, I have dealt with this situation in anger this far and it's breaking me down and causing issues between my husband and I. I need advice on what to do? I can't take the verbal abuse from his family, but I also can't bare to watch my husband be heartbroken.

asked 102 Bbadawi's gravatar image
edited May 09 '13 at 17:59

You haven’t said why the relationship you had with his mother broke down.

Have you heard them say that you are not good enough for their son; or are you relying solely on the word of his younger sister? Younger sisters can get jealous when their big brothers marry. You get my point, I’m sure!

I’m Welsh. My son became a Muslim and married an Arab. I think she’s lovely. She thinks I’m lovely (I am!). Your in-laws need to accept that you are a fellow Muslim; and that this matters far more that your racial origins. If they cannot do this, well that’s their problem.

If your older sister-in-law is angry at you for speaking the truth to your husband, then that’s her problem. Allah commands that we speak the truth at all times, even when this causes us harm. You did the right thing, and your husband ought to be proud of you.

As for your husband: His first duty (after his duty to Allah) is to you; and you have every right to expect this. Caring for you is not disrespecting his family; it is meeting his obligations as a Muslim husband.

If you really have done all that you can to ‘mend fences’ then you have done all that is expected of you.

I don’t know your circumstances; but perhaps it is time that your husband took you to some other place, away from his family.

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Asked: May 09 '13 at 11:25

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Last updated: Jun 01 '13 at 16:26


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