Ever since I was a child and I was put in the worst situations, I have witnessed a lot of my parents fights and violence's against each other and against me. Now I have always ran to god to protect me and save me. I always believed in his mercy and ability to stand by me in tough times. However, after all I have been through I'm diagnosed as a chronically depressed person and I'm on medication for that! I try to thank god as much as I can and pray for him and distinguish between whats right and whats wrong. Before making my moves I calculate them. I may not be viewed as a perfect Muslim to others but I believe in my good will and intentions. I'm not veiled and I live a moderate somewhat free life as in I go out with my friends and I have guy friends and I dress up freely but with limits. I came at a point now that no matter what I do or change God is not responding to me! I can feel his anger upon me with every crises I goo through! I just keep on asking why ?! I'm constantly living in hell daily crises from not being able to graduate from university ( though I ranked second on my class) to the divorce of my parents! lately I have met someone who I though was wonderful and great. I have a problem with security and stability and a constant feeling of fear of not being accepted by those around me from how much problems I have. I though God was giving me a gift! I though I finally received his blessings. I though it was time to start having a normal life where I can begin my life with a great person and have a family that was nothing like my parents! I was wrong. God did not give me a gift! I ended up being heart broken and lonely once again with no future no tomorrow no one! In addition to that, I have been transferred to an academic integrity committee because I got two cases filed against me by by professor. Maybe I forgot to mention but I'm a masters student in the fist year! I can remember the hours and effort I put in my work, I remember the prayers to God and the sleepless nights! I can understand and remember this but I can understand why God is doing all this to me ? I have a million details that I can write but that may take days to write. Right now I'm at a point of having my parents divorced with a million problems and court cases against one another! I was fooled by a person that I thought was great and I'm at jeopardy of getting kicked out of my masters program! I just cant help being mad at God! I never reached this stage before! and I never found a reason for any of the shit I've been going through since I was a child. People always say that these are tests and that God always has a better plan for you. However, I never saw the good that came out of any of that! It's a win-lose situation always. Now I cant do anything except being honest and reveal everything I feel..I'm so mad at God!! I cant get rid of this feeling and I don't know why am I being punished like that! I'm in constant pain and trouble and most of the time I have nothing to do with those problems but I carry the consequences. When I use to get so depressed because I had a lot of problems happening I use to wish that God would take my spirit and let me be around him up there ! Now for the fist time in my life I'm too mad at God and at life to the point that I don't wish to stay here or die! I'm feel disappointed fooled and mad. I'm hurt and I cant find a reason ..because I never did! All I need to know is what to do ? though I don't believe that you will have an answer if God himself doesn't!

asked 101 Y%20M's gravatar image

My dear sister you may disagree with me when I say something like don't worry I know how you feel. I knows it is ridiculous and funny. My dear sister first ask yourself do you really practice your religion? I know I have got a lot of friends who are gifted with kindness and the purest of intention but, unfortunately they dont practice the teachings of our beautiful religion. They are unhappy and they are confused about their life and the society that they are living with.

You are mad at God? We all know that the God will never send a problem or a predicament that one can never overcome. Like you said it is always a win or lose situation! maybe your right but if you think about is it God who tells you what to do? that's why we have freewill my dear sister! we choose and decide in return it influences the outcomes of our actions. With God's blessings you still have the time to change what will happen in the future.

I do not wanna talk about my life here but I was considered at first as the black sheep of our family. Same situation with you my dear sister, Not only did I frequently witnessed my parent's fights and stuffs I have seen that deep hatred rooted from their emotions. Those emotions sometimes were directed to me and my siblings. I have seen my mom carrying a knife trying to kill my father, who locked himself up in their room. The only place I felt I belong is outside the word HOME. Quite Ironical but thats it, I stay outside too often and pick up fights with everybody. You said you hate God? really? its really funny but when I was reading this post It was as if I was talking to my silly old-self.

I did abhor God (Astagfirullah) back then. I abhorred God to the point that I felt completely hollow inside and I felt that I am devoid of any help or blessing. I decided countless times to take my life and end it!! But then I tried to look at myself with the eyes of others and I felt pity and desperation. Is this what I've been doing? I was laughing at myself and I said Subhanallah I realized that it was all my fault and I need to change it starting with changing myself.

Sister dont worry this life is a test. I need to admit that I was affected by the pressure of my society and the problems that I had experienced with my family. The only BIG MISTAKE THAT I committed is that I let it swallow me whole and it change ME. I realized that I should not hate God! It was me my carnal self that I should hate. I pull up myself and said that I will change with the help of God.

There are a lot of things to say but it would take me forever to write all the things. Know that not a single leaf in this world is devoid of any sustenance or help from Allah. I advised you to turn to Allah for He would never leave you alone. We cant take all these things for granted. I thank God that I was able to read your post it was a great help for me too. I realized that even small things are great blessings sent from above. Good thing we are still breathing eh? eating your favorite meal and bathing with a hot water. you were given the chance to study and you are still saying you are not blessed? millions of poor families wanted to educate their offspring.

If you are still reading this I just wanted to say that the first step that i took to solve the same problem is that I asked for God's forgiveness and I acknowledge that I am nothing without God's help. Go and read the story of prophet Job and contemplate!

Hope this help and thank you much for the post! you are blessed you just dont know it! you should think deeper about your life though coz until this very moment you were only looking at the surface level! SALAM!

answered 6216 Hizmet_emigrant's gravatar image

I feel U and I know it depressing and hurtful to know that God is doing this to U for a long time. But maybe its for a reason. Maybe U did a sin that He got really mad at. This is a test. Life is a test dear sister. And always remember if God accepts your prayers means he's increasing ur FAITH, if He delays it, he's increasing your PATIENCE, and if He doesn't accept it, means He's got something BETTER for you. Stay strong. I know its hard but Allah is testing U if U can cope with this type of situation. :)

answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Salam sister... How are you? I know how you feel my parents are divorced, my mom committed zina, dated a bad man and then I went into foster care. I felt so sad, constantly crying and being sad. Looking at how perfect of a life the rest of my family had while I felt like nothing. Finally after I went into my great Jido and Sito's (grandma & grandpa) care. But apparently I wanted to go back to my mother back then. And not to mention constantly being ignored by my friends and bullied at school. I felt like a worthless Muslim. But then as I started to realize how much I had, I started being more positive about everything. And now I live a happy and amazing life as a high school student trying to improve my imaan. Get good grades and be the best I can be. Please don't doubt the Great and Almighty Allah Sub'hanu wa ta'ala. Maybe instead of just trusting in Allah you should show Allah, and start preforming Salat. Please sister, keep Allah in your mind. And the rules and boundaries of the Great book The Quran. And the Messenger of Allah Muhammad (Peace be upon him). Inshallah Allah Sub'hanu wa ta'ala will guide you into the right path sister. Peace be upon you!

answered 615 Maz2728's gravatar image
edited Jun 09 '13 at 20:18 Muhammad Abdul Ahad ♦ 1.8k2313 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image
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Asked: Jun 09 '13 at 05:24

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Last updated: Jun 09 '13 at 20:18

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