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basically, my brother abused me at my home that me, mom and brother live in. my brother has a bad temper and the nigh he beat me up i came from my friends home and he asked where i was and clearly i told him. he said he want to confirm where i've been so i should give him my friends number. i refused to because of many reasons and one being that my family harassed my friends. he got angry and started to beat me up. i ended up getting a bloody eye, very lumpy face and swollen lip and a very sore body.all the while my mother and sister sat down and watched. he kicked me out and i reported him to the police. he got arrested and charged, found guilty of honor based violence. since then i havent been to the house. 4 moths later after my mom keeps on asking me to come home and i agreed mainly because i miss her, she asks of me to kneel down and say sorry to brother to bring peace because thats what Africans do and we are not british. i told her that cant happen because before all this i've suffered abuse from him and no one said a word, i was depressed and almost committed suicide by drug overdose. i am still mentally unstable and in soo much pressure in regards to doing my final year in college.i tried talking to my sister and she agrees with my mom. the question i want to ask is that should i go back home and i say sorry to my brother or i should stay at where i am and focus souley on myself?

thank you

asked 0544148 UnknownUser's gravatar image
closed Jun 12 '13 at 11:08 sadie ♦ 1.6k315 sadie's gravatar image

The question has been closed for the following reason "Other" by sadie Jun 12 '13 at 11:08

assalamou laikum sister Saidi

i've read and understood everything you said and i thank you for giving me advice. inshaallah i will remember you in my duas. i would love to have a relationship with my brother and family but i have been abused in my home soo many times to the point where i started to epileptic seizures, i wasnt able to see with my right eye because the blood as gone into my pupil and till this day, my right eye is blurry and to an extend where i have be sexually molested by my uncle and still my family hasnt done one thing. they just brushed it under the carped. when i say iam mentally unstable, am not saying just traumatized am saying really mentally unstable and my epileptic fits are not helping one bit. to me family is your protector, your everything. so far i havnt seen any of that in my family. iam a hijabi and a strong believer of allah.

answered 0544148 UnknownUser's gravatar image

I suggest that you go to your local mosque and seek help there on what yo do next as far as living conditions ECT. I will also remember you in my duaa's . Sister stay strong Allah subhana WA ta'ala is always with you.

(Jun 10 '13 at 15:12) sadie ♦ sadie's gravatar image

Wa 'alaikumus salam wa ra'hmatullahi wa barakatuhu wa maghfiratuhu. What your mother is asking you is completely unfair. Your brother tortured you unjustly so he deserved punishment. He is the one who should ask forgiveness from you. And another thing.... Please don't bow infront of anyone except Allah. Bowing is a form of worship and it can only be done for Allah. In many communities there's this manmade ritual of asking forgiveness from people by bowing down to them. THIS IS COMPLETELY SHIRK! Only Allah has the right to be worshiped like that. So I suggest you to not return to your mother if she asks you to bow infront of your brother, as it would be an act of shirk, and shirk is won't be forgiven if you die before repenting for it. There's a hadith which that says "There's no obidience to a creature when it causes disobidience to the creator"
And please don't suicide. Those who commit suicide will go to hell. Endure these little pains in this world instead of suiciding. You need to escape bigger pains in hell. You are suffering from depression. Please go see a doctor. Also try to know the attributes of Allah because the more we understand the meaning of these attributes the more we know Allah, and the more we know Allah, life becomes the more easy. May Allah make your problems dissappear. Hadak Allah.

answered 1.8k2315 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image

ok sister I know you need more proofs of something to your situation ( the abuse) part, but i am still trying to find how to go about it . So for now here are a few things on our rights to each other being brothers and sisters. Brothers and sisters are among the relatives with whom Islam commands us to uphold ties.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah says: ‘I am al-Rahmaan (the Most Merciful) and this rahm (tie of kinship) has a name that is derived from My name. Whoever uphold it, I will take care of him, and whoever severs it, I will cut him off.’” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1907; Abu Dawood, 1694; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 520).

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his lifespan to be extended and his provision to be increased, let him uphold the ties of kinship.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1961; Muslim, 2557)

Among the rights that they share with other Muslims, except that their rights are stronger, are: that you should greet them with salaam when you meet them; you should accept their invitation when they invite you; you should say “Yarhamukum Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you) if they sneeze; you should visit them if they fall sick; you should attend their funeral if they die; you should go along with them if they swear that you should do something; you should advise them sincerely if they seek your advice; you should not backbite about them in their absence; you should love for them what you love for yourself and hate for them what you hate for yourself. All of that is narrated in saheeh ahaadeeth.

Their rights also include: that you should not harm any of them in word or deed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 10; Muslim, 40). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, in a lengthy hadeeth in which he enjoined a number of virtues, “… If you cannot do that, then leave people alone (and do not offend them), for that is an act of charity that you do for yourself.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2382; Muslim, 84).

answered 1.6k315 sadie's gravatar image

umm....i cant see any comments and it seems that the first comment is deleted. i dont know why

answered 0544148 UnknownUser's gravatar image

I will delete anything mike m says as he doesn't give citations according to Qur'an. And sunnah. Please sister have patience and Insha Allah I will provide some sound advice.

(Jun 10 '13 at 04:16) sadie ♦ sadie's gravatar image

okay inshallah

(Jun 10 '13 at 04:21) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

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Asked: Jun 09 '13 at 08:03

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Last updated: Aug 09 '13 at 19:03

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