Salaam,

I need help/advice about my marriage. First let me say that I was born and raised American, a Christian who reverted to Islam when I met my husband, who is from Algeria and was born and raised a Muslim, in December. I've read books and gotten information about Islam and asked him all kinds of questions before I reverted and agreed to marry him. I asked him to have patience with me before we married because I was sure I would make some mistakes unintentionally until I learned this new way of life. Islam is not just a religion, I know it is a completely new way of life.

We married and we have had some problems. He seems to get completely angry with me instead of having the patience and telling me I've done wrong, the things I do, I have no idea that they would upset him. I have done things that were disrespectful to him without intending to be. I try and I pray for Allah to make it easy for us and for us to just be happy. I have a great respect for him and his commitment to Islam. Even living here in America he has not been changed at all by the new culture here. I have had to change everything about my life. (Imagine being told everything you were raised believing is completely wrong and there is this new way to do things. Changes and new ways of thinking don't just happen overnight.) I feel I've done a good job so far, but he doesn't realize it because things are easier for him. When asked if I can go out to dinner with my cousin, he says "No, you have a husband now." We don't do anything fun together, we don't enjoy our time together, not very much cuddling and loving, and no romance. We go to work and work almost 12 hours a day then we come home and he is straight on his computer reading the news until it is time for bed, then he will decide he wants sex when I am almost asleep, which I have no problem with, but I think we are lacking serious husband/wife time.

When I do anything to make him upset, and I never ever mean to do anything wrong to him, he just gets instantly and completely angry. He starts calling me bad names and tells me to leave and go back to my family. He tells me he is living in hell and he made a mistake marrying me. One time he was angry because I had to close the register down, which he had already printed the papers out, but I asked him a question because the numbers were not matching up and he got angry saying bad things, and told me to leave. He even walked home instead of letting me wait for him outside. We got past that one, and turned the page, but as soon as I make another mistake, he brings everything from the past back up again, and starts to tell me to leave again and says he needs to divorce me. This last time we fought, he brought a drink home from a gas station, which he has been bringing new things home for me to try, and while he was on an errand and I was cooking for him I saw it in the refrigerator so I opened it and just took a sip to taste it. When he got back he noticed I opened it and asked me about it. I said yes I opened it to taste it. I thought everything was ok. He said a few things in Arabic, which I could not understand. Then right before he was about to pray he got suddenly angry and said "I cannot believe you opened that drink! How can you drink a drink that's not even yours?!" I was shocked and I said "Are you serious?" He said "It is bad for women and children to drink! How could you just open it and take a sip?!" I explained that he put it in our refrigerator and didn't tell me not to drink it or that it was bad for anyone. (I read the can before opening it and it didn't say anything about no women or children health warnings.) He said he didn't care, he shouldn't have to tell me like a baby. He said I should not take something out of OUR refrigerator that isn't mine! It became a huge fight and like normal everything from the past was brought back up and he told me to leave and not to text him. He even texted the boss and told him I would not be working anymore. He said I was a baby because I have board games in the house, which I've never even asked him to play. I cooked spaghetti, which i know he likes and usually has a hard time making himself, and I fixed steaks and macaroni with cheese. He got upset because it was two pasta dishes. Which were not for the same day, we cook different meals for the week because there is not much time during the week to do the cooking. He even told me I could go kill myself because he didn't care. It was late at night and the next day I packed my stuff and came to my moms house. I left yesterday, and I haven't heard anything from him yet. I don't know what to do. I love him and I wish we could be happy together, but I'm afraid if we did get back together, then it would only be a matter of time before I made another mistake. Our cultures and the ways we were raised is so different, even though I am trying and changing things about myself. I know that there will be arguments, and I think some arguments are just typical in a marriage, but when it gets like this it is so extreme. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me!

He feels like he does nothing wrong and he won't really hear of compromising or anything. I am the one who does all the wrong in his eyes. And I know I make mistakes but I honestly am trying to learn this new culture and everything. Please pray and help me with this.

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Asked: Jun 10 '13 at 09:33

Seen: 614 times

Last updated: Jun 10 '13 at 18:55


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