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Assalam o alaikum. I have been married for 22 years. I had love marriage. Now i ve 4 children, which r grown up now. Before 6 years my husband went to attend his friends marraige in pakistan, as we r living in saudia. There he attracted a dancer, which was also a prostitute. He met her again n started liking her. She trapped him as she is very helpless, n she does all this for the sake of money n in the pressure of her brother n mother. My husband told me all this. I felt sorry for her n decided to help her financially. I also phoned her almost on the daily basis to keep her moral high. But at the back my husband n she cheated on me, and had illegal relationship. Whithin a year my husband made 5 trips to pakistan by saying of business tour. I kept contacted with that lady to help her morally. We also opened a bank account for her in pk n keep a big amount for her. Which she used within days. My husband said its ok, may she needs money. Then i caught mms' s on my husband' s mobile. I realized there is something else between my husband n that lady. I truted my husband v much. I didnt dout my husband but on her and asked my husband. Then he told me that i married that lady, it was a big shock for me. My bloodpressure shooted up, n i was hospitalized. Then my husband took outh that he is not married with her, he just wanted to ask my reaction. And he told me he left her n they had no more relations. I trusted him again. After one year, after coming back from vacations, i found her pictures in his laptop. Even i saw my necklace in her neck which my husband gave me on my first night after marriage n he taken it back saying he will make for me something new as it is now old. I again got in shock. I asked my husband and then he admitted he got married with that lady, n i will keep her aside. She will not interfare in our life. But now i cant trust him again, i argued, but his relationship got mature. And he didnot agreed to leave her. My elder daughter is of the same age of that lady n my husband has no issues about his children, n their future. I tried to realize him but he started to beat me. Now after 6 years this game is on. He is very disturbed. He has continious headach. He has no interests in his work or business. I offered him again and again to bring her with him but in that case i cant live with him. For this he is not ready. May be he loves me but he loved her a lot. But on the other side he cant make bad his image in the society. He will never tell about this to anybody. I love him a lot even do anything but i cant bare the other woman with my husbands name. Now the situation is getting worse. Whenever we argue, he started breaking things n abuse, n beat me a lot. Now my all children know every thing. They also understand all this. They started hating him. He is in much pain. I asked him to leave me n keep her, but he is not agree, he said he cant leave me. Now plz somebody tell me in this all situation, what should i do? I love my husband, my children r grownup. Every two or three days he fights on minor issues and altimately that lady get into. Then he beats me a lot. Abuses me. He even beats me in front of my children. I m confused, if he dont want to leave me because he loves me or because of the reputation of me in here. I m a well educated (relegiously as well as a MA degree holder) lady with well honored family, i m not less in any means than him. He is just matric fail, n v weak religious background . He is not even read Quran. He was not offering salah. After marriage i made him to do all. Now when ever he got angry he not offer salah. My only demand is, i cant afford to accept his marraige. I dont want to involve my parents n relatives in this matter as they dont know nothing. And my husbands relatives also dont know but they never help me. His parents not alive, n he is eldest in his brothers n sisters. I also want to know in the light of shariah, is the secret marriage allowed in islam?

asked 1012 Mona2's gravatar image
edited Jun 11 '13 at 04:28 sadie ♦ 1.6k315 sadie's gravatar image

hmmmm Allah apkay husband ko achi tofeeq day ameen

Meri dua hai kay apkay husband ko Allah naik hidayat ata farmae. Aur apki beti ka b rishta achi jaga ho aur jaisay ap soch rahe hain ye us kay father ki waja sa aisa ho jae ga waisa ho jea ga Allah apko aur apki family ko safe rakhe Ameen

Han jaisay kay main na kaha tha kay log accept nai karta ais type ki marriages ko aur bura samjhtay hain chahe wo jis iraday sa b ki ho marriage. aur umer kay ais hisay main log ye kahtay hian ap Allah Allah karen shadi karna to ajeeb he lagta hai but ye sab aik narrow minded society ka hisa hai jaisay kay pakistan India ya ais type kay countries main Pakistan especially ais type kay bewakoof logo sa bhara ho hai jis man Deen ki na to knowledge hai na wo apna brain use kartay hain.

Kher waisay umer kay hisay main a kar dosri shadi karna ajeeb hai aur bura hai according to pakistani mentality but Islmaic point of view sa theak hai ap kar saktay hain Zina sa behtar hai Nikah aur sunnah aur shariyah kay mutabik hai.

AP kay husband na kion shadi ki kia soch kay ki ye to Allah ya wo behtar jantay hain ho sakta hai shahyad majobri main ki ho ya mohabbat ho jae ho. aged mard ko kam umer ki larki sa mohbaat ho jati hai natural hai aur jo log ais qabil hotay hain wo afford kar saktay hian wo Niakh kar laitay hain

Peer PAGARA marhoom na b bohat c kam umer larkiyon sa shadiyan ki the even kay unki age 80 the to unkay ghar beta paida hoa hai pata nai kis number biwi say. kia hai kay paisay aur sehat hai bus kartay hain shahdiyan to ye sab chalta hai zindagi main. Zindagi hamary mutabik nai chalti hame zindagi kay mutabik chalna parta hai.

ye zarori nai hai kay insan biwi perfect na ho tab he shadi kartay hain. shadi karnay kay ais chez sa taluq nai hai. main shart laga kay kah sakta ho pakistan main 90 % males kay pas agar itnay resources hon kay wo aik wife afford kar saken to har mard kam sa kam 2 shadiyan lazmi kare. Musbeet apni roti pori nai hoti 2ri kahan say pori kare ga.

mard ki ghair majodgi main kisi sa dosti kare ya mohabbat kare wo to koe mard qabool nai kare ga main agree ho but ye shadi ka case hai love ya mohbbat ka case nai.

Bus kia pata us aurat na dhokay sa shadi kar li ho shahyad property kay lalach main apki husband ki

answered 03 saleemkhan's gravatar image

i am so very very sorry for you i cant give u any advise may allah bring you peace and happiness, if not in this life in the after life ameen

answered 163222 a_mohammed's gravatar image

Thanks Mr. Saleem khan. U understood all the matter as it is. But my question is still there. If the matter is same as u metioned, then again it is not fair. From her side, it is not enough to have a name of somebody with ur name when he only visit u once or twice a year for two or three hours. Does this name saves u from ur society's bad comments, or other will not ask u about this misterious relationship. I think it is much more questionable relationship for a lady than she remain unmarried. She only needs to chage her location. On my side, if she is this much fair with me then whe she not hasitate to destroy my happy home. I was living in my paradise, i love my husband as some lady can love as much. I asked many time to my husband, was i not fulfilling ur requerements. But he always said that u r perfact. Then if i m perfact for him, then thats why he did all for me. I trusted him and he broke my trust. I always respect his openions, he said to help her i started giving her moral help. I phoned her once in a day from Saudia. So that she feel comfortable n not think that she is alone. I helped her to do some better, she started beauty parlour course n stitching. But she never think about me. U said society does not permit to get marry again. Then plz tell me one thing, yehi society jo mard ko doosri aor teesri shadi ki ijazat nhi deti jo k hr mard ka paidaishi haq he aor jis k lie wo intahai majboor ho kr hr qadam uthane ko tayyar ho jata he biwi bachon ko maar sakta he, nainsafi kr sakta he, jhoot pr jhoot bol sakta he, dhoka de sakta he to sirf aik society kai swal ka simple jawab nhi de sakta. Aor kia ye simple jawab us jawab se ziada mushkil hota he jo kuchh arsa baad aik do bachon k ho jane k baad ya bahir kisi rishtadaar ya dost k un dono ko kahin ikathha dekhne k baad dena prta he. Tab agar mard us society ka saamna kr sakta he to sach bol kr saamna krne me kia prob he. Han agar mushkil he to ye mushkil he ke meri beti jo usi lady ki hum umer he. Studies k last years me he. Wo bhi shadi k qabil he. Us ka rishta krte hue ya shadi k baad bhi agar ye pol khul jata he to yehi society shayed aise mard ko to kuchh kehne ki himmat na kre but meri beti ghar zroor aa jae gi. Mard ki doosri shadi accept krna shayed itni bari aazmaish na ho but beti ka ghar baap ki wajha se barbad ho ya bas na sake ye mere lie buht bari aazmaish ho gi. Mere teen betay hein, un k lie rishta dhondhne se pehle bhi zehni tour pr tayyar rhna pre ga k koi bhi ye keh sakta he k agar baap ne aisi aourat se shadi ki he to beta bhi kr sakta he. Kia is ka jawab society ya aap mujhe de sakte hein. Mard ko sirf apne se gharz he wo na to bivi ka he na aoulad ka. In sab batoon k bawjood sub se barh kr ye k aap mard hein is lie aap k lie ye kehna buht aasaan he k me ye admit kr lon k mere husband ne doosri shadi kr li he. Kia ye itna hi aasaan he. Agar islam ya char shadion ki ijazat ki baat ko aik taraf rakhe aor insaan ki nature ki baat kren to kia aap ye bardasht kr sakte hein k aap ki bivi aap ki ghair maojoodgi me kisi doosre se dosti aor muhabbat rakhe lakin aap k saare haqooq ada kre aor achhi bive sabit ho aor aap is baat ko ignore kr den k chalo mere haqooq to poore krti he, jab mujhe koi kami nhi kia faraq prta he. Yaqeenan aisa nhi ho sakta. To aap mard itni aasaani se aorat ko ye mashwara kaise de dete hein. Aorat ki bhi feelings hein wo bhi chaha jana chahti he. Phir aik shakhs jo us ka shoher he, us ki adhi zindgi k baare me wo kuchh janti hi nhi, us ko pata hi nhi k us k dil me kia he, wo aap se muhabbat bhi krta he ya sirf duniadari nibha rha he, to aise me us k saath aap apna sub kuchh kaise share kr sakte ho. Kia aik beiman shakhs k saath poori aimandaari nibhai jani chahie. Aor kia guarentee he ke wo aap ko zindagi me kahin bhi raste me chhor nhi jae ga. Aik aor baat...... Her wo kaam jo chhup kr kia jae aor jis k lie aap ko dar ho k wo kisi ko pata na chal jae wo chori he, aor her wo kaam jis se kisi ka nuqsaan ho wo gunah he. Is lihaz se chori nikah in dono baaton ko poora krta he, me is baat ko challenge krti hon k koi bhi maolana ya mufti mujhe is baat k lie qaail kre ke ye jaiz he.

answered 1012 Mona2's gravatar image

ap kay answer ka main reply kuch yoon karo ga please note i am not religious scholar jo b jawab main likho ga wo mari apni preception aur knowledge hai

Ap na kaha kay maray husband b kisi ko batan nai chahtay ais marriage kay baray main theak? then you quoted that Hazrat Muhammad SAW said Announce marriage theak?

Answer of these two lines in my opinion hamary haan yani pakistan main 2ri shadi karna without good reason is almost Cultural taboo samjha jata hai chahe mard offord kar sakta ho physical and financial aik aur aurat ko lakin ye gunah samjha jata hai aur badnami ki bat samjhi jati hai kay us kay sohar na ya falan na 2ri shadi kar li.

jis society main open accept kar laitay hon marriage ko jaisay Saudia arabia main aik sheikh sahab na 4 4 shadiyan ki hoti hai aur koe buri bat nai samjhi jati hai wahan to annouce karna bohat zaroari hai but Pakistan type kay enviorment main bohat he mushkil kam ban jata hai even kay jo apkay dost hotay hain wo b ap sa naraz ho jatay hain mother father brother sister ye b ap kay khilaf ho jatay hain to ais enviorment main insaan kia kare aik halal kam ko disclose karnay main itni problems ati hain usko jab kay sari zimadari ko aus mard ki hoti hai jo aus dosri aurat ko pora karta hai jismani lehaz sa aur kharchay kay lehaz sa baki logo ko kia mout parti hai rishta accept na kar kay, kay mard na dosri shadi kar li hai

" Ap na uper question main bola kay wo shahyad prostitute thi ye b aik reason ho sakti hai marriage ko disclose na karnay ki aik to dosri shadi karna waisay he koe accept nai karta paksitan main uper sa aurat b character less ho ausko kon baho ya bahabi accept kare ga that may be the reason why he was not disclosing the marriage"

" That woman also deserve all rights. If husband cant do justice he has no right to marry. He is not fulfilling my rights nor hers. In 6 years he didnt spend a single day with her."

Hosakta hai kay us na shadi sirf apnay ap ko tafuz dainay kay liye ki ho ausay physical relation na chahe ho kia pata us na compromise kar lia ho ya ap kay husband na ausay bata dia ho shadi karnay sa pehlay kay main apnay sath nai rakh sako ga aur na main roz a sako ga" Secondly jin wives kay husband abroad hotay hain very comman in pakistan jo mazdori karnay bahar kay mulk jatay hain biwi ghar pa akeli hoti shohar 2 ya 4 sal kay bad pakistan atay hain to wo biwiyan b to rahti hain na ka nai rahti akhir comproimse kar laiti hain husband paisay bhejta rahta hai bahar kay mulk sa nizam chalta rahta hai jab kabi saalo kay bad ana hota hai aisi doran aik adha bacha b ho jata hai apni jawani to mard bahar kay mulk main guzar kay ata hai jab aulad jawan hoti hai phr baap pakistan ata hai aur aurat b apni jawani akelay he guzar daiti hai

wahan kahan gae rights ? aisay to phr mard ko aurat ki bagal main sona chahe na rat ko ?

aisay nai hota jaisay hum sochtay hain zindgai compromises ka nam hai kahi mard kahi aurat comprosie kartay hain kahi pay mutal comproimse hota hai

may be apkay shohar na kaha ho shadi sa pehlay kay main sirf apna Naam do ga aur just kharcha bhejo ga baki main koe zimadari pori nai kar sako ga ho sakta hai wo man gae ho baki rights chor dia ho apnay. some times women security chahti hai aur jaisay ap na uper question main kaha tha kay wo apni khusi nai karti aus ki maa aur brother majbor kartay hain ho sakta hai wo jan chorana chahti ho gandi zindgai sa aur sharafat ki zindgai apna chahti ho ais liye aus na comproise ki ho.

He knows that his friends know that lady as a prostitute. Many of them may spend time with her too. Thats why he cant expose this marriage. Then why he marry her. And one more thing, if he has right to do 4 marriages, then it is also my right, not to accept his marriage. I never stop him to go anywhere. Even i know he is going to her, i never tried to stop him.

zahir hai g badnami to hai kay aus na prostitute sa shadi kar li. wo shadi sa pehlay time guzara ho ga shadi kay bad nai to shadi sa pehlay aurat ka stauts kuch aur tha shadi kay bad kuch aur. aap unko kion aur kaisa mana kar sakti hain kahi b janay sa g apkay shohar hain apkay son to nai hai ya ap unki ami to nai hain kay unhe mana karen gi he has authority to go any where.

Aurat ka bilkul farz hai kay wo mard ko sidhi rah diakhae aur samjhae. mard aurat libas hain aur aik dosray sa koe bat nai chupi honi chahe but depend karta hai kon kitna share karta hai har aik ki marzi hai ki biwi ko kitna share karta hai kitna nai

Rights k lie biwi k saare fraiz ginwaye ja sakte hein lakin jahan aorat k rights ki baat aati he wahan khamoshi kion ikhtiar ki jati he.

ye almiya hai hamara aur nainsafi hai mard ki taraf sa jo kay nai honi chahe

Agar mard doosri teesri shadi ko apna haq samajhta he to chhup kr kion krta he.

mard chuup kar nai kartay shadi janab accept karnay walay kitnay hotay hain shadi ko ? agar accept karnay walay accept kar lain to chuup kay karany ki zaroart na pare halal kam hai shadi karna but insan ko baz dafa zaleel karwa daita hai logo main.

Hamari society 2ri shadi accept nai karti janab ais liye aisa hota hai jaisay ap na kaha hum saudia main rahtay hain aur bachay b hain to phr to koe jawaz nai hai shadi karnay ka according to pakistani culture it is considerd as taboo

hosakta hai kay aus aurat nai dohaka kia ho ais waja sa wo pareshan hon kay shadi nai karni chahe the mujha ya koe aur reason ho agar wo chorna chahtey hain ausay to achi bat hai ap kay liye ap morally support karen aur unkay kahyal rakhen aur bat bat par mat jhagra karen takay unko decision lenay main asani ho

answered 03 saleemkhan's gravatar image

Thanks for ur answer who ever u r. U said i should accept. The task is not all this. My husband himself not willing to tell this all to anybody. Hazrat Muhammad pbuh said " announce marriage" . Then what type of this marriage u dont want to tell others. That woman also deserve all rights. If husband cant do justice he has no right to marry. He is not fulfilling my rights nor hers. In 6 years he didnt spend a single day with her. Then what type of right u r convincing me about. He knows that his friends know that lady as a prostitute. Many of them may spend time with her too. Thats why he cant expose this marriage. Then why he marry her. And one more thing, if he has right to do 4 marriages, then it is also my right, not to accept his marriage. I never stop him to go anywhere. Even i know he is going to her, i never tried to stop him. U said, many people r like, k wo kai kai shadian krte hein aor rights poore nhi krte, then r u trying to tell k wo un ka haq he aor khawateen ko is baat pr koi aitraaz nhi hona chahie. Kia mardon ko seedha raasta dikhna aor ghalat kaam se rokna aurat ka farz nhi he. Biwi aor shoher aik doosre k lie libas hein, means un ki koi baat aik doosre se chupi hui nhi honi chahie. Rights k lie biwi k saare fraiz ginwaye ja sakte hein lakin jahan aorat k rights ki baat aati he wahan khamoshi kion ikhtiar ki jati he. Agar mard doosri teesri shadi ko apna haq samajhta he to chhup kr kion krta he. Agar mere husband mere samne aa kr kehte k me shadi kr rha hun to shayed me itni hurt na hoti. K mere shoher ne mard hone ka saboot dia he. Kuchh fuqha k nazdeek choori nikah zina k braber he. My husband is getting frustrated. I think wo ab pichhta rhe hein. But apni haar tasleem nhi krna un ki nature bhi he k wo kabhi apni ghalati nhi mante. Mere buht koshish k bawjood un ko bechaini he. Skoon ki neend nhi so sakte. Wo us lady k saath nhi rhna chahte lakin wo faisla bhi nhi kr paa rhe k unhe kia krna chahie. Wo takleef me hein. Me un ki is takleef ko door krna chahti hun. Lakin mard kabhi ye nhi samjhta k aourat ko bhi takleef hoti he.

answered 1012 Mona2's gravatar image

it is just only my opinion after reading your story sister

Just accept you husband marriage with open heart and it is now become truth she is now her wife so as you should accept her. when you accept her ultimately you will never fight with your husband and as result of this you will not abused by husband

Man can marry more than 1 women it is allowed by shariyah Deen Islam As you said you are more religious than your husband you should better understand Deen, Man is allowed to marry

See if he is fulfilling your needs and he is able to satisfy other women Financially/Physically than it is his right to marry accept it sister.

"Bibi pakistan main to asiay sohar b hain jo kay kharcha pani b nai daitay aur do do shadiyan b kartay hain aurat khud he kamati hai aur khud b khati hai aur shohar ko b khilatai aur rat ko jotay b khati hai

har jaga ye hal nai hai but aisa b hota hai

agar apka shohar ap ap sa payar karta hai aur apki needs pori karta hai to bus theak hai

answered 03 saleemkhan's gravatar image
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Asked: Jun 10 '13 at 09:48

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Last updated: Jun 17 '13 at 05:52

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