My situation is rather complicated, and I am desperate for a way out, but I want it to be the right way. My family is very strict, not religiously strict but in other things as well. However, my father, who is physically and verbally abusive with us all, has also been secretly sexually abusing me for a long time now.. I finally have a way out, but that seems to be an uncertain path.. One of the boys I study with has asked me to marry him, and while he is a good religious man,I've known him long enough to see that his temperment is a lot like my father's, and I can't bear the thought of being trapped in an abusive atmosphere for the rest of my life after marriage as well.. The other is also my colleague, but a white Christian boy. He's a decent and simple man, does not even drink, and he is ready to convert to Islam as well.. I don't know what to do, really have no other options now either except these for leaving this hell.. I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for a while now, I can't even tell anyone about this.. Please help me.. I really don't know what to do..

asked 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

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Sister she not even married but she love someone who is just like her dad so please advice her bc I give her too much advice but it still doesn't help

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Assalamu Alikum sister tell me why You marry a person who is same Like your father and you have said That your father abusing you sexually Please contact me to anwer you briefly At bakarbhai@live.com

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answered 10 Abubakar%20seddique's gravatar image

Sister I don't even get vote when I answer someone question...lol

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Sister I would say do something that will make u happy plus your lords just read the other post or search in Internet. Thanks Dear sister may allah help you with ur difficulty

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

i'll vote ya up amiga. persoanlly i don't think most people here even know about the whole voting up or down on the "answers"?

i agree with amiga writercat, do something with your happiness in mind for once in your life. not sure why the conversion is a big deal. i thought it was just a matter of saying a few things, there is no god but allah...etc etc. in arabic of course.

but if you're leaning towards the muslim for some reason, maybe have him write out an oath that he won't beat you or your children in the future, if you have any. or just see who will give you the biggest mahr?

(Jul 25 '13 at 12:01) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

Thank pulldatooth nice of you do you think the things what I post will help her to find a way for her problem?

(Jul 25 '13 at 12:05) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

i honestly don't know. hard to form a good impression of a person from so little info. that being said, i think she is very pragmatic and selfless. so i image she will go with the muslim out of expedency and due to religious and cultural pressures. but i think you hit the nail on the head. she should choose what she thinks will make her the happiest. but unfortunately culture is a powerful thing. and sometimes you don't get to choose the "happiest" path, but rather the one of lest pain.

i hope you both the best of luck.

(Jul 25 '13 at 13:39) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

Btw are muslim brotherh because someone trying to report

(Jul 25 '13 at 13:52) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

no i'm not a muslim. i'm an atheist. yes i see. lol. i've been banned a dozen or more times already. no big whop. are you an arab?

(Jul 25 '13 at 14:47) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

No I am not an Arab but brother I know a lots of atheist because I study in school why do you have to mean to people I don't get it . Let me honest right you acting so weird plus like 2 year child.please stop it it not nice

(Jul 25 '13 at 14:50) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Brother you cab nice you just check what a nice you post it to me but it a sham when I see you against my god and hurting other muslim feeling :(

(Jul 25 '13 at 14:55) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

my intention is not to hurt anyone's feelings. but appearently the nature of the debate causes hurt feeling and anger in muslims. i am simply posting evidence to support my point. and i know i can be a bit sarcastic, so i apologize if my style is abrasive or offensive. please don't react emotionally to what i say. just think about it.

(Jul 25 '13 at 15:06) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

I now brother you want to understand things but I will say please brother advice muslim in islam way then if you have any question then post it in one of my post. Thanks just becareful

(Jul 25 '13 at 15:10) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image
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sorry for the delayed response.. it's because he's a christian, and there will be a lot of associated problems with me shifting to his place and him converting.. The boy who is like my dad shares his temperment, but he is a good muslim, prays and fasts regularly.. that is why I'm confused..

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

You have said that the first boy is a lot like your father so why he is suitable? and if the second one is decent and simple why you are doubtful about marrying him?What worries you about Christian boy?

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Hi dear friend. As a muslim I Know that having sexual relationships between Mahrams(e.g.father,brother,uncle,nephew,grandfather)is completly against commands of God, so it is forbidden and a big sin. Of course, respection to parents is recommended in Islum but not the time an action is against commands of God.So, in the sight of Islum , you have the right to call police. But if it is not possible for you to call police,my offer is marrying with a man with moral and humanistic beliefs.In my point of view,with a suitable choice you can have a new better life and with the help of your husband help your siblings,too.I beg you to leave your suicidal thoughts and ask God for help because He is the last hope.In Holy Quraan God says:"Ask me for help to comply your desire.

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

That's precisely my problem, Merry. Both the proposals I have right now are suitable yet unsuitable. I don't know what to do..

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:19) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

What am I reading? Is all those posts here a way to try to make Islam look bad? In the Islamic law, your father is to be executed! He has done much worse then adultery. He is committing the gravest of sins. What? You don't want to see your father like that? But know that death is no punishment, but the punishment is the fire in hell where your father will burn eternal. That's what you should worry about if you care so much for him, if your a believer.

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

I know that my father is to be punished. I also know that this punishment will be meted out by Allah Swt. I'm trying to look past the mired situation right now and make a proactive decision, which is why I was seeking advice as to what will be the right choice in the light of Islam I'm not entirely sure what the last part your comment meant...

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:14) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

My last part of the comment meant: You should make dua and warn your father. You see, you have probably been manipulated by him. Being raped by your FATHER OVER A LONG PERIOD??? I have to say WOW... According to the Quran, you are commanded to make justice even if it goes against your own will.

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:26) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Wow brothers that really explain everything you post even if you not a Muslim. That what I was trying to say but you see my English is a bit bad , I thought about the things you say at first I thought if you tell the police then the problem may get bad because her dad going to go to police plus people will talk about her backside and her mother will be making bad dua and so much more but she ask for peace and this isn't peace. Thanks once more again with the answer you post and to be honest this what I want to say but I didn't know where to start. God bless you

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Thank you Amiga. I appreciate you taking the time to respond, and caring enough to respond. JazakallahuKhair .

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:11) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Yeah but she is Muslim if she wasn't I should have say that before you. If she Muslim if she call the police her parent will bad dua plus she will get the for sin and to be honest I am disgusted what her father did but right all she can do is to pray to Allah and ask him to protect her/him from stranger and protected her all trough her life

Thanks brother/sister

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

ok. i'm sure you know islam better than me.

(Jul 17 '13 at 13:59) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image
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Asked: Jul 17 '13 at 12:59

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Last updated: Sep 22 '13 at 14:39


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