My situation is rather complicated, and I am desperate for a way out, but I want it to be the right way. My family is very strict, not religiously strict but in other things as well. However, my father, who is physically and verbally abusive with us all, has also been secretly sexually abusing me for a long time now.. I finally have a way out, but that seems to be an uncertain path.. One of the boys I study with has asked me to marry him, and while he is a good religious man,I've known him long enough to see that his temperment is a lot like my father's, and I can't bear the thought of being trapped in an abusive atmosphere for the rest of my life after marriage as well.. The other is also my colleague, but a white Christian boy. He's a decent and simple man, does not even drink, and he is ready to convert to Islam as well.. I don't know what to do, really have no other options now either except these for leaving this hell.. I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for a while now, I can't even tell anyone about this.. Please help me.. I really don't know what to do..

asked 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

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Sister remember first it come difficulty time and then easy time, Please mAke dua for your self don't go straight Away with simple option don't leave ur husband or anybody else. If you in painful situation they may be in more painful situation, just try to advice your family or go somewhere else with your husband just have time together.anout your father I don't know what to say but if start being a strong Muslim and do a lots of Islamic things I beg your father will be empresses and he will change. Try to think it test from Allah

Be string sister please don't commit other breather sin. I am sorry if my words hurt you

Hope that work

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Sister I forgot to say for get about the Christian guy because it sinful when you got your husband and going out or having time with him when you should have with husband just try to know him better and just try to trust him be nice to him. Look after him . I think then you problem will be sole and make a lots of dua for you and ur family.

Thanks

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

ummm I'm getting the distinct impression that some things were misunderstood here. I am not married, I have just received two proposals that I need to decide between. As for impressing my father, let me assure you, that's the last thing I want to do, I just keep as far away from his as possible in the house without making anyone else suspicious. I don't have a husband, and neither do I spend time alone with either of the two men. We all study together, and we've been studying together for a while now. That's how we know each other. I also do hijab, so it's not like they're attracted to me.

(Jul 17 '13 at 16:45) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

I am sorry sister I been misunderstand

(Jul 25 '13 at 12:07) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Even though you wear hijab that doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you.

(Sep 22 '13 at 14:39) puppas puppas's gravatar image

"finally have a way out"? why can you not call the police and have your father arrested for child abuse and sexual molestation? is that not islamic? do you have to let your father abuse and molest you because he is the "maintainor and protector"? did the guy above just say it is a test from allah?????????

sorry i have no proofs in islam that an abused and molested daughter has the right to have the abuser/molestor removed from her house and imprisoned, if said abuser/molester is the maintainer/protector. perhaps a learned muslims can shine some light on the matter for both of us.

but again for a non-muslim way out, call the police.

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

It's a little complicated, mate. I have little siblings, I need to protect them from all this as well... As for the maintainer and protector, well he's neither but we have very limited options, almost none. Marriage is pretty much the simplest way out, but I don't want to get out one mess into a bigger one. Neither do I want to compromise my iman in any way..

(Jul 17 '13 at 16:47) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

thanks for calling me mate, i'll take it a term of endearment. but i'm an american. so i don't understand why you have limited options? are there not legal mechanisms in the UK? so if you marry either of these men are you taking your siblings with you? if not how are you protecting them? are any of these siblings girls? how is having a child abuser/molester brought to justice compromising your faith?

(Jul 17 '13 at 17:36) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Ahh yeah, I used to live in Oz so the mate thing hasn't fallen off Getz I'd rather not say where I am living right now, but I can tell you that we are pretty dependent on him. Leaving isn't an option. And my younger siblings are safe from the specific side of him that I've seen, that's one reason I've kept it secret. As for getting married, that'll give me a proper foothold to start earning and begin the process of extricating my family from this situation. .

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:09) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Islam condemns abuse through and through. In fact there are very harsh laws in place for men who abuse their own children, or any children really. It's just that I can't afford to let the s$&@ hit the fan. I want everything solved in the light of faith, through the right path. Umm I'm not sure how much you're aware of how things work but it's not just this world we need to think about, there's an afterlife too. That's the prime reason I'm ducking away from, say, a hedonistic alternative for escapism.

Thank for your time though. I appreciate your response. It's very kind of you

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:09) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Yeah but she is Muslim if she wasn't I should have say that before you. If she Muslim if she call the police her parent will bad dua plus she will get the for sin and to be honest I am disgusted what her father did but right all she can do is to pray to Allah and ask him to protect her/him from stranger and protected her all trough her life

Thanks brother/sister

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

ok. i'm sure you know islam better than me.

(Jul 17 '13 at 13:59) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Wow brothers that really explain everything you post even if you not a Muslim. That what I was trying to say but you see my English is a bit bad , I thought about the things you say at first I thought if you tell the police then the problem may get bad because her dad going to go to police plus people will talk about her backside and her mother will be making bad dua and so much more but she ask for peace and this isn't peace. Thanks once more again with the answer you post and to be honest this what I want to say but I didn't know where to start. God bless you

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Thank you Amiga. I appreciate you taking the time to respond, and caring enough to respond. JazakallahuKhair .

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:11) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

What am I reading? Is all those posts here a way to try to make Islam look bad? In the Islamic law, your father is to be executed! He has done much worse then adultery. He is committing the gravest of sins. What? You don't want to see your father like that? But know that death is no punishment, but the punishment is the fire in hell where your father will burn eternal. That's what you should worry about if you care so much for him, if your a believer.

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

I know that my father is to be punished. I also know that this punishment will be meted out by Allah Swt. I'm trying to look past the mired situation right now and make a proactive decision, which is why I was seeking advice as to what will be the right choice in the light of Islam I'm not entirely sure what the last part your comment meant...

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:14) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

My last part of the comment meant: You should make dua and warn your father. You see, you have probably been manipulated by him. Being raped by your FATHER OVER A LONG PERIOD??? I have to say WOW... According to the Quran, you are commanded to make justice even if it goes against your own will.

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:26) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Hi dear friend. As a muslim I Know that having sexual relationships between Mahrams(e.g.father,brother,uncle,nephew,grandfather)is completly against commands of God, so it is forbidden and a big sin. Of course, respection to parents is recommended in Islum but not the time an action is against commands of God.So, in the sight of Islum , you have the right to call police. But if it is not possible for you to call police,my offer is marrying with a man with moral and humanistic beliefs.In my point of view,with a suitable choice you can have a new better life and with the help of your husband help your siblings,too.I beg you to leave your suicidal thoughts and ask God for help because He is the last hope.In Holy Quraan God says:"Ask me for help to comply your desire.

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

That's precisely my problem, Merry. Both the proposals I have right now are suitable yet unsuitable. I don't know what to do..

(Jul 17 '13 at 19:19) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

You have said that the first boy is a lot like your father so why he is suitable? and if the second one is decent and simple why you are doubtful about marrying him?What worries you about Christian boy?

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

sorry for the delayed response.. it's because he's a christian, and there will be a lot of associated problems with me shifting to his place and him converting.. The boy who is like my dad shares his temperment, but he is a good muslim, prays and fasts regularly.. that is why I'm confused..

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Sister I would say do something that will make u happy plus your lords just read the other post or search in Internet. Thanks Dear sister may allah help you with ur difficulty

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

i'll vote ya up amiga. persoanlly i don't think most people here even know about the whole voting up or down on the "answers"?

i agree with amiga writercat, do something with your happiness in mind for once in your life. not sure why the conversion is a big deal. i thought it was just a matter of saying a few things, there is no god but allah...etc etc. in arabic of course.

but if you're leaning towards the muslim for some reason, maybe have him write out an oath that he won't beat you or your children in the future, if you have any. or just see who will give you the biggest mahr?

(Jul 25 '13 at 12:01) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

Thank pulldatooth nice of you do you think the things what I post will help her to find a way for her problem?

(Jul 25 '13 at 12:05) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

i honestly don't know. hard to form a good impression of a person from so little info. that being said, i think she is very pragmatic and selfless. so i image she will go with the muslim out of expedency and due to religious and cultural pressures. but i think you hit the nail on the head. she should choose what she thinks will make her the happiest. but unfortunately culture is a powerful thing. and sometimes you don't get to choose the "happiest" path, but rather the one of lest pain.

i hope you both the best of luck.

(Jul 25 '13 at 13:39) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

Btw are muslim brotherh because someone trying to report

(Jul 25 '13 at 13:52) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

no i'm not a muslim. i'm an atheist. yes i see. lol. i've been banned a dozen or more times already. no big whop. are you an arab?

(Jul 25 '13 at 14:47) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

No I am not an Arab but brother I know a lots of atheist because I study in school why do you have to mean to people I don't get it . Let me honest right you acting so weird plus like 2 year child.please stop it it not nice

(Jul 25 '13 at 14:50) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Brother you cab nice you just check what a nice you post it to me but it a sham when I see you against my god and hurting other muslim feeling :(

(Jul 25 '13 at 14:55) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

my intention is not to hurt anyone's feelings. but appearently the nature of the debate causes hurt feeling and anger in muslims. i am simply posting evidence to support my point. and i know i can be a bit sarcastic, so i apologize if my style is abrasive or offensive. please don't react emotionally to what i say. just think about it.

(Jul 25 '13 at 15:06) pulldatooth pulldatooth's gravatar image

I now brother you want to understand things but I will say please brother advice muslim in islam way then if you have any question then post it in one of my post. Thanks just becareful

(Jul 25 '13 at 15:10) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image
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Asked: Jul 17 '13 at 12:59

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Last updated: Sep 22 '13 at 14:39


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