Assalamualikum,

I am a young sister, happily married alhamdulillah, live with my husband & our 3 young children in UK.

My husbands older sister is a widow living in Bangladesh. She has only one daughter who is married & living with husband in also in UK.

My husbands sister wants to move to UK & live with us permanently.

I cannot live live with her as I have lived with her before and I hated it. she is nearly 20 yrs older than me brought up in Bangladesh and I am born in UK. I have nothing in commom with her and find her too borring. She is not educated and relies on others for everything. eg: she cant even make a call herself.

She has lived with me before for 4 months and irritated me so much (too many issues to list all here) that it got to a point that I just cant stand her anymore. My husband work evenings and she was with me all evening everyday. Alhamdulillah I am a patient person and never said anything to her as i do not want to hurt her feelings. she is 50 nearly my mothers age and she was only here for a little while i decided to just put up with her until she goes.

Now she wants to come and live here with me & my family permanantly. Although i was patient enough to put up with her for 4 months I am not patient enough to put up with her for the rest of my life.

If I try to discuss this with my husband he doesnt want to know. for him his respect for his elder sister comes first.

I would like to know would it be our responsibility to look after her as she is a widow and her only child her daughter is married off. I am only assuming she does not want to go live with her daughter as she doesnt want to cause any issues in her daughters marriage.

Will I commit a sin if I refuse to lookafter my widow sister inlaw? can my husband force her to live with us even though I am unhappy about it. I know it will cause issues in my own marriage and my husband will start hating me if I dont respect his older sister but I just cant live with her. can i request to live seperately from my husband if he brings his sister into our house? Please can you provide a solution for my problem.

Jazak allah khair

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closed Nov 24 '13 at 17:25 Bibi Amina ♦ 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

The question has been closed for the following reason "The question is answered, right answer was accepted" by Bibi Amina Nov 24 '13 at 17:25

The Wooden Bowl

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.

But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. 'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood s[Edited Out]s on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?'

Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done ...

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

Sister that what you trying to do Lol Just becareful

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

The Prophet said, ""Whoever does not respect elders or shows no kindness and compassion towards children is not a Muslim."

[44] The right of him who is older than you (kabir) is that you show reverence toward him because of his age and you honour him because he entered Islam before you. You leave off confronting him in a dispute, you do not precede him in a path, you do not go ahead of him, and you do not consider him foolish. If he should act foolishly toward you, you put up with him and you honour him because of the right of Islam and the respect due to it.

[49] The right of him who does evil to you is that you pardon him. But if you know that your pardon will harm him, you defend yourself. God says, Whosoever defends himself after he has been wronged - against them there is no way (42:41).

[50] The right of the people of your creed (milla) is harbouring safety for them, compassion toward them, kindness toward their evildoer, treating them with friendliness, seeking their well-being, thanking their good-doer, and keeping harm away from them. You should love for them what you love for yourself and dislike for them what you dislike for yourself. Their old men stand in the place of your father, their youths in the place of your brothers, their old women in the place of your mother, and their young ones in the place of your children.

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Hey sister, do you know you done call this patient if she widow plus if she uneducated relies on there is nothing wrong with this the more you help the more you get good deed, let tell about my stories.

I was living somewhere else in this world which mean I wasn't educated plus I was blind eyes so I relies on my dad when he brought us in uk and we were 7 of us which my dad take responsabile for everything. At the end and at the start my dad was patient so Allah bless with his mercy after 3/4 years past we were the one who were helping our dad.

So it better for you to keep her because she blind eyes and plus she widows if she was my dad sister I would have given her place in my heart so sister be patient and then later of this women will help because u help her so be patient, plus please don't live separate from your husband ,just try to change some things like if your husband respect elderly why don't you do this then you will all live happy.

Make dua for your self and for the people in ur home and other Muslim ask Allah forgiveness what you said right now because it really upset me dear sister.

Sister i am 15 girl who is trying to advice plus I have more experience than you so listen to me if you want to be with husband and live in peace.. Thanks Hope that help Sorry if my words hurt ur feeling

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answered 60618 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

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Asked: Jul 18 '13 at 15:03

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Last updated: Nov 24 '13 at 17:25


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