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Asalam Alaikum,

I am in love with a friend of the same gender (female). I do not know if I am homosexual and try not to think about it or her, because I know it is haram. I've tried very hard and for so long to force these thoughts out of my head, but it isn't working. She's also muslim, and I'm thinking if I tell her she can help me get over it/find a solution.

Should I tell her or no? How do I get over this? What should I do? What is the proper way to do whatever it is I'm supposed to do?

All answers greatly appreciated. May Allah bless you all, and Ramadan Kareem.

So, the question arises: what does a person who has such feelings do? As I've said, the fact that you have such feelings doesn't mean you act upon them. If Allāh has tested you in this manner, then that is a part of your test and trial, and Allāh says in the Qur'an, 'And Allāh does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.' The claim that merely having an urge legitimizes it is extremely flimsy. If you are attracted to women. Does that legitimize going after every woman That you attracted to? Of course not. We all have our desires and urges and we must all battle them. So if you experience urges that are unnatural, you must battle them, and without doubt Allāh will reward you for that. Another point to realize is that the urge, in and of itself, is not sinful. It is simply a desire, and desires are beyond our control, hence we are not accountable for them. But to allow such feelings to persist without trying to control them is problematic. In any case, the urge in and of itself is not sinful, acting on the urge is what incurs sin. As long as the desire remains in the realm of feeling, you are not accountable on the Day of Judgment, but the second that this desire is manifested in a physical action, you are liable for all that follows. Lastly, even if you have acted upon this urge – and we seek Allāh's refuge from this – know that this would constitute a sin. Yes, a major sin, and one that most people would be disgusted by, but realize that it is a sin alone and not kufr. Hence, even acting upon it and committing a major sin does not expel you from the fold of Islam. However, to stand up and justify it, or defend it, or write articles claiming that it is Islamic, without a doubt constitutes kufr, and not merely sin. So, oh sister who ever you are, you are my sister in Islam, even if you have such feelings – I want you to know that I sympathize with you, and I also appreciate your honesty and sincerity. I advise you to seek counseling, and to go to people who will understand your situation and who can direct you in a more specific manner. I understand as well that if you go to many of the typical imams of the masjids, they would not sympathize with your situation at all and would probably make matters worse for you. I understand that you cannot go to such people. But you will find sympathetic ears to listen to your problem, inshā'Allāh. And remember that marriage is a solution, so you should seriously consider it. The Prophet Lut 'alayhis salam told his people, “These are my daughters, they are more pure for you.” Some scholars say that when he said “daughters”, he is also implying the women of the town and not just his own daughters. So he's telling the men of his community who were guilty of this crime to go and marry women, for they are better and purer for them. Marriage is a solution, because sensuality and sexuality is something that can be satisfied – rather it should be satisfied – by the opposite gender within the confines of marriage.

answered 63628 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image
edited Jul 25 '13 at 10:26

Homosexuality has mention in Quran

"We also sent Lut: He said to his people: Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds. And his people gave no answer but this: they said, "Drive them out of your city: these are indeed men who want to be clean and pure!"" (Qur'an 7:80-82)

"Of all the creatures in the world, will ye approach males, And leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates? Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits)! They said: "If thou desist not, O Lut! thou wilt assuredly be cast out!" He said: "I do detest your doings:" "O my Lord! deliver me and my family from such things as they do!" So We delivered him and his family,- all Except an old woman who lingered behind. But the rest We destroyed utterly. We rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): and evil was the shower on those who were admonished (but heeded not)! Verily in this is a Sign: but most of them do not believe. And verily thy Lord is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Merciful." (Qur'an 26:165-175)

"Would ye really approach men in your lusts rather than women? Nay, ye are a people (grossly) ignorant! But his people gave no other answer but this: They said, "Drive out the followers of Lut from your city: these are indeed men who want to be clean and pure!" But We saved him and his family, except his wife; her We destined to be of those who lagged behind. And We rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): and evil was the shower on those who were admonished (but heeded not)!" (Qur'an 27:55-58)

"And (remember) Lut: behold, he said to his people: "Ye do commit lewdness, such as no people in Creation (ever) committed before you. Do ye indeed approach men, and cut off the highway? - and practise wickedness (even) in your councils?" But his people gave no answer but this: they said: "Bring us the Wrath of Allah if thou tellest the truth." (Qur'an 29:28-29)

"If any of your women are guilty of lewdness, Take the evidence of four (Reliable) witnesses from amongst you against them; and if they testify, confine them to houses until death do claim them, or Allah ordain for them some (other) way. If two men among you are guilty of lewdness, punish them both. If they repent and amend, Leave them alone; for Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful." (Qur'an 4:15-16)

answered 63628 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Salam, My dear sister it not a good idea to tell her that you in love with her because she going to freak out, can you really trust what about if she tell her other friend then she embassies you but if you think she sensible and she would help then go ahead but I think the good person to ask help is Allah, ask Allah to take her out of your mind the way you don't want too and ask Allah to bless you mercy and move you from haram into halal things, sister I believe you will good at making dua so make dua for your self and don't forget me in your dua.

Go and try to search in Internet about theses situation, but if ou want me I will search for you straight away. Thanks

answered 63628 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image
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Asked: Jul 25 '13 at 07:51

Seen: 1,721 times

Last updated: Jul 25 '13 at 10:26

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