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I have been married for 8 years and have 4 very small children the eldest only 7. A year and half ago I found out my husband was having an affair that at the time was already 9 months into the affair.. He apologised and swore he would never do it again. Then a few months later I found out again that the affair continued and never even ended.. He apologised once again and I forgave him a second time.. Now since the birth of my latest baby 10 weeks ago the girl in question is harrassing me telling me details of my private life with my husband things she could not possibly know like where he's been our future plans etc.. Even when he takes the kids out.. She could not possibly know this unless he has told her.. That is what she is saying again that their relationship never finished and that she is only telling me all these things because I deserve the truth and that she keeps telling him to speak the truth. He apparently tells her that he wants to keep his wife and kids but her also. I am a good Muslim wife and she is not a Muslim.. Allah has blessed us with health wealth and 3 beautiful boys and a girl what more does he want. I try to teach him scriptures of the holy Quran/ Hadith and explain what he is doing is haram and zina. This time he is denying it all but has a cheeky smile in him when I question him. He says now he won't swear that she is lying.. If I tell him that I will inform police about her harrassing me he jumps to protect her begging me not to. Please advice me as I am lost in my mind am very depressed and sad have lost 3 stone in weight. I'm worried about my future with him. I do not want to be in a marriage of no trust no love as we argue all the time because he doesn't want me to talk about it.. But I only talk to him after this girl tells me information that she shouldn't know about.. Like she knows that we are to buy a new car soon also that he was sleeping in a seperate room from me but that was only because baby was disturbing him at night. Pls advice me. Thank u

asked 1011 Amason3's gravatar image

Sister please read this post which I am about to post it , I am sure you are going to find your answer in this question.


What the man is doing of having a haraam (an unlawful) relationship with a woman who is not his mahram is a betrayal of the rights of Allah before it is a betrayal of the rights of his wife. The Muslim is bound by a covenant with his Lord, may He be exalted, and what he is required to do is to fulfil that covenant and not break it. Moreover, this is not what the individual is enjoined to do in response to the blessings that his Lord has bestowed upon him. Allah, may He be glorified, has blessed him with good health, well-being and a wife and children, either now or soon, in sha Allah. The way to show gratitude for these blessings is not to waste this good health and well-being in haraam relationships with non-mahram women, and the way to show gratitude for the blessing of the wife and children is not by neglecting them and breaking ties with them. Allah, may He be exalted, has promised to those who give thanks increased blessings and He warns those who are ungrateful for blessings of a severe punishment, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings), but if you are thankless (i.e. disbelievers), verily! My Punishment is indeed severe”

[Ibraaheem 14:7].


What appears to be the case in your situation with your husband is that you have a place in his heart; were it not for that he would have hastened to end the marital relationship between you after he found out that you are aware of his haraam relationship with that woman. This is something that should be used to put pressure on him to give up this sin and end that haraam relationship. We think that you should treat him very kindly and do not fall short in treating him kindly; you should also adorn yourself for him, wear your best clothes and create a pleasant atmosphere for him in the house, because he may be missing that altogether or in part. You should also advise him and admonish him, and warn him against continuing to commit haraam actions. You should explain to him what his punishment will be with Allah in the Hereafter, or in the Hereafter and this world; indeed you should warn him that Allah may punish him for such sin with regard to his family, as he may be tested with marriage to a woman, or with having a daughter, who does with men what he is doing with women – what will his reaction be in that case?


We advise you not to let many people know about what your husband is doing, because the basic principle is to conceal sins that are unknown. What we want is that which will help mend his ways, not that which may be taken as a means to continue what he is doing of committing sin.


Fill his time with useful and beneficial things, and do not leave him time when he is alone with his shaytaan! His daily schedule should be full, either with acts of worship such as upholding ties of kinship or attending Islamic study circles, or he should be busy with worldly matters that are beneficial and permissible, such as exercise.


Offer a lot of du‘aa (supplication) for him to be guided and set straight, for the best weapon of the believer is du‘aa’. Strive hard to offer du‘aa’ in the last third of the night and when prostrating.


Finally, if what is mentioned above does not succeed in putting a stop to that haraam relationship of his with that woman, then you have two options:

(i) you can advise him to marry her in accordance with the laws of Allah, may He be exalted, so as to save him and her from this haraam relationship, on condition that his relationship with her has not reached the level of zina (adultery) – Allah forbid – because it is not permissible to advise someone to do something that is haraam, as their getting married will not be permissible until after they repent (from zina).

(ii) Or you can ask for a divorce (talaaq), but start by threatening to ask for it, then if he remains as he is you have the right to seek a way out of the calamity you are faced with by asking for a divorce. The final resort in medical treatment is cautery, as it is said, and despite the pain of this cautery (divorce), it will give you a way out from the distress and anger you are feeling, and it will protect you and your children from the possibility of fitnah (tribulation) because of your husband’s misbehaviour and his haraam relationship, whether that protection has to do with your religious commitment, honour or health.

This is what we can give you by way of advice. May Allah guide your husband and set his affairs straight; we ask Allah to reconcile between you when he is adhering to righteousness and obedience towards Allah.

And Allah knows best.

answered 63628 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Sister try to annoy the girl try to get closer to your husband be a good muslim for her go somewhere with your husband two of alone so that your husband may be away from that girl. Remember sister she is disbeliever but I am not saying that she shouldn't listen to her but she may be planing to ruined your relationships. Dear sister make your self closer to your husband tell him that you are mother and as I mother I cannot take All those pressure tell him that you are human being not a robot, talk to him when he is clam do not shout at him it the Saipan which put muslim in danger and in haram situation.

Thank you I will try to research for if I find any detail to your problem i will post it. Remember me in your prayer and remember yourself and your husband in your prayer too

answered 63628 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image
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Asked: Jul 25 '13 at 11:12

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Last updated: Jul 25 '13 at 11:31

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