This is a story of my cousin who supports his parents and siblings after becoming adult and takes nothing from father's inheritence. He has many siblings who are all financially well off now . His mother is old now and wants to move in with him. His wife and mother never had good relations and mother doesn't get along with her other daughter in laws either, her sisters including one who is divorced and independent don't want to live with the mother either. Now, he is being forced by mother and siblings to take his mother to UK with him and either keep her with wife or in a separate accommodation. His wife prefers divorce compared to putting up with the mother in law due to her earlier experience of living together. He can't afford expenses of a separate house for mother and due to travel job, can't spend much time with either her or his wife. He is willing to keep paying expenses of his mother as usual if she moves in with any of the siblings as it is more affordable in India than UK. He also has maid and driver for the mother so other siblings wouldn't have to do much. Still, no one else wants to carry the responsibility. What should he do now that he can fulfill duty of a son and yet not loose his wife or go broke financially and emotionally by trying to keep mother in UK while traveling on regular basis to keep his job to support mom, wives and children? Why islam puts too much responsibility on eldest son, while he is neither the oldest child, nor the only child or the only financially well off child or had any inheritence, actually has been spending good percentage of his income on parents and siblings since he got employed. If one child has done so much then why its always his responsibility to make sacrifice or be a sinner and get abandoned by mother and siblings if he doesn't do as expected?

asked 1513 Curious9's gravatar image
edited Aug 05 '13 at 05:07

It is our duty to honor our parents and take care of them. Mother has a lot of rights and makes a lot of sacrifices. However, rights of wife and children are equally important. No where in Quran, it is mentioned to divorce your wife if mother aks or to make her live with your family. During prophet's and khulfa e rashdeen's period, all women were entitled to separate homes and there was no concept of joint family. This concept came from other cultures.

As a child, you are required to do your duty towards your parents but your spouse has their duty towards their parents, not yours. If they do good then its an ahsaan and favor for which you should be grateful and they'll get hasana. You can not make them do as your family wishes.

In this case, as this person has other siblings and he is providing financially, putting his marriage and children's well being at risk doesn't make sense and no loving mother would approve of it. His siblings should take physical responsibility as they have as much responsibility as him. Quran doesn't make elder son solely responsible and gives free reign to other siblings. As his sister is divorced and there is no spouse to object, she should reside with mother and all siblings should split the expense. That's only fair and just way. Putting all the responsibility on one sibling and asking him for sacrificing his family is selfish, cruel and unfair. No religion would support that.

Islam wants us to make fair and just decisions and fulfill rights of every one including wife and children. Mother has high status but mother also has some responsibility towards grown kids. Other siblings need to step up and share responsibility. What her children are not ready to do, can't be expected from one daughter in law. She has a right to separate dwelling. As a good muslim, she need to support her husband but mother in law and siblings in law need to be good Muslims and resolve this matter without asking eldest son to make all the sacrifices. Its cruel and unislamic to ask a child/sibling to sacrifice his wife, children, financial and emotional well being.

answered 1513 Curious9's gravatar image

Once there was a sahabi that was on his death bed the prophet (peace be upon him) told hazrat bilal and another another sahabi to go to him and try to make him pray the kalmia, but he could not do so. the prophet (peace be upon him) said is any of his parents alive, he was told that his mother was still alive. so the prophet (peace be upon him) went to her and asksed was he a good son, she replied that he worshiped allah and did a lot of good, but there was one thing I hated that was that he preffered his wife above me. the prophet (peace be upon him) after hearing this told hazrat bilal to get firewood and burn the sahaba. because the love of a parent is so great she forgave him and he was finally able to say the kalimah.

musa alayhis salam once asked allah who weill be my companion in paradise allah replied this butcher. musa alayhis salam found him and asked can I stay with you for a while he agreed then took him home slaughterd an animal and gave each morsel to a frail women sitting in the corner. with each morsel she was saying majke my son the companion of musa alayhis salam.

on one side is a bad dua on the other a good dua. so mothers should beware what they say and son/daughters should respect their mothers and be careful not to get a bad dua from them.

answered 4411139 UnknownUser's gravatar image
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Asked: Aug 05 '13 at 05:03

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Last updated: Aug 06 '13 at 14:58

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