Salaam brothers and sisters.

I've been very busy with work and I am very stressed when I come home. My husband wants to have sex almost every night, but I feel really tired and I don't want to. I have no problem having sex during my days off or when I'm not stressed out but not when I come home from late nights working at the hospital. I feel bad for not being in the mood, and I know angels curse women who deny your husband sex. Should I just suck it up? Also, having sex every night leaves me sore in the morning. What should I do?

Understand we are newly weds, so this is probably why he's always in the mood.

asked 4411248 UnknownUser's gravatar image

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Asalamulakum..:) well this is an age old situation, atleast here in America it is. :).. When you come home, do you come home late or at the same time he does? And does he come home close to bed time? The both of you need to have a talk about sex expectations. On one hand i can understand the physical demand from working on the health department, however sexual needs are biological, psychological and spiritual. Men often view sex as a way to express there love and desire. Its bad enough that theres temptation outside of the home everywhere. Denying him regular or satisfying sexual attention can emotionally cause rejection, boredom, lonliness and resentment towards you. Being that sexual needs are dependant on our psychological and emotional needs, it would be denying him not only his rights but it would be unhealthy and oppressive and inviting unwanted consequences. Try to tphave a talk to him about sexual expectations and also times that are able to allow you some rest. Also read some books about it. Theres more than just sex ..there are sexual alternatives that can be satisfying to him and doesnt require your full time and energy. But make sure your talk is open minded and not during moments of anger or during sexual encounters. Just be understanding that his attention to you..is normal, loving and healthy and denying him will cause him to feel rejected which is harmful.

answered 10 Ayub04's gravatar image

IN THE NAME OF GOD!salam.Dear sister. If Work further than you love your wife. Would you like your husband is guilty. If he is guilty., You are a partner in his guilt. As you work to enjoy life. You've promised to marry each other and have fun together. After Islam, you have sinned. I think you come home one day a week earlier. And your ready to enjoy a delight to your partner.With this method, the more your husband will enjoy and look forward to the day.

answered 13913 persiangulf1666's gravatar image

she already said she has no problem having sex on her days off. coming home early one night a week isn't going to make much difference. plus i doubt she can tell her employer i need to leave early every tuesday to have sex with my husband. ok maybe she can sue under freedom of religion, that it is an obligation and the employer must make "reasonable" accomindation. if she's in america?

but can't she just tell her husband to live up to his financial obligations for the family under sharia law, so she can quit her job.

btw, what does an angel's "curse" do?

(Jan 22 at 10:41) mikejm4 mikejm4's gravatar image

Really? Are you honestly asking what does an angel's curse do? You sure do know that Angel ONLY do what Allah tell them to do. So an Angel's curse is actually not the Angel, but Allah being displeased with or cursing to you.. And Allah cursing you is a big deal, if you're a Muslim. You're definitely going to hell..

(Jan 24 at 14:10) Eleanour079 Eleanour079's gravatar image

the root of the problem lies deep somewhere else.our religion islam is the religion of nature. It repelse evil by giving everyone his due physical psycological rights. Namaz is considered Makrooh if prayed while you are hungry and the food is ready. Whenever we deviate detrack from the track of the nature i.e islam we ll lead to such hot water. In islam there s segregation of duties .the husband to work outside home while the wife to keep the house. The house place no heavy burden over her shoulders and she stays capable of going the natural route. There s simply the look after of mior things at home and no overwhelming responsibility. Now think for a while if all the women of the world happen to be so busy as you are there d hardly any new generation. And this the problem having no solution in the present day of women rights

answered 203 arsalan86's gravatar image


If I can be blunt, you're being a bad wife. Your husband will dump you if you keep this up, he doesn't intend on spending the rest of his life as a sexually deprived monk, not to mention that you are destroying your akhira. Your DUTY in the marriage is not to work, it's to satisfy him sexually, get your priorities right! If you have to, take less hours at work, or even quit your job. Your husband is your #1 job. If you can't handle quitting your job then tell your husband to marry a second wife on top of you so that he can have sex with her. Also your husband needs to grow some balls, I wouldn't take this from my wife and he needs to put you in your place like a real man. All this talk about "working something out" is unislamic, the fact is that he gets to have sex whenever he wants, end of story.

answered 62 AnonymousYouth's gravatar image

Actually neither gender can refuse the sex request

(Mar 01 at 08:23) abdul_wasay abdul_wasay's gravatar image

All I know brother is that the prophet saw would never have been so harsh to a genuine heart felt question from a muslimah. You are really not thinking with any compassion or mercy. Abdul Wasays comment is also correct. I pray Inshallah that the sister will prefer my caring response over your harsh rudeness to her and regarding her husband. Lastly, if you truly believe 'working something out' is unislamic, you need to study more. We live in the real world and in marriages working things out together is the only way through difficulty and onto success for a life time. May Allah bless you.Ameen.

(Mar 24 at 18:03) leyla1 leyla1's gravatar image

I should also mention you have no idea what the couples life is like. Maybe she needs to work and her husband cannot. You cannot judge that aspect as you do not know. No God fearing man would 'dump' his wife either. To tell the sister she is destroying her akhira is unbelievably rude and unjust considering her Islam brought her here for help from fellow Muslims, fear Allah.

(Mar 24 at 18:26) leyla1 leyla1's gravatar image

wa alaikum salaam... i have posted my answer...

answered 61 Imthiyas's gravatar image


waalaikum salaam

Hope you are doing good with grace of allah (SWA)

Approach him during his leisure time and tell him that you are unable to work properly in office as you get tired every morning. make him understand that once in a week having family relationship will be good for you. we cant complain or stop you from going job because it depends on everyone situation. don't worry sister allah (SWA) is with you. don't ever be sad because we are muslim Ummah. Allah is with you.

Pray to al-mighty Allah and do dua desperately and I am sure Allah will help you. before you approach your husband please pray & do dua desperately and make him understand, am sure allah will make him understand. you will be happy for ever

I will also do dua for you sister

Regards Imthiyas

answered 61 Imthiyas's gravatar image

You don't understand the concept of sacrifice do you? Both sexes have to compensate (they are garments of one another).

If one is having a urge making him understand is no solution. He will seek to release it somewhere else (and of course he might not tell).

And when the wife wants it then husband won't do it with her later (reminding himself of the events) and then this kind of hatred starts. May Allah save us from accursed satan.

(Mar 05 at 17:19) abdul_wasay abdul_wasay's gravatar image


Lets analyze your question in great detail.

It is a 'living hell' for a man to live with his wife whilst not being able to remove his sexual urges. Men have different sexual nature compared to woman, and thus they have orgasms more frequently than woman. Generally speaking: woman want romance but men want to have sex, but for a man his romance lies in sex (of course generally speaking).

Now if you refuse him, then his sexual urges have,not been fulfilled and thus his right has been refused. What do you think he will do to release his urges? The following are some possibilities:

  1. Masturbation
  2. Porn
  3. Possibility of zina
  4. Girlfriend
  5. Ill-thoughts and feeling of worthless (e.g. he is not good enough for you)

All of these activities are haram, and will, directly or indirectly, harm your relationship, and you both might end up in a tough spot on Day of Judgement (I pray to Allah (swt) he grants you both paradise). You might complain later that your husband doesn't give time to you. You want to give him his right to protect himself from getting lewd thoughts which might lead to worse of sins, otherwise you might regret it. For one of these reasons, in Islam the woman is a fortress against the devil.

I do,not say that man his weak but Allah says:

Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak (cannot be patient to leave sexual intercourse with woman). [4:28]

And doing sexual intercourse with you his sadaqa on your and his part so much so that, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

Abu Dharr reported: some of the people from among the Companions of the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said to him: Messenger of Allah, the rich have taken away (air the) reward. They observe prayer as we do; they keep the fasts as we keep, and tray give Sadaqa out of their surplus riches. Upon this he (the Holy Prophet) said: Has Allah not prescribed for you (a course) by following which you can (also) do sadaqa? In every declaration of the glorification of Allah (i. e. saying Subhan Allah) there is a Sadaqa, and every Takbir (i. e. saying Allah-O-Akbar) is a sadaqa, and every praise of His (saying al-Hamdu Lillah) is a Sadaqa and every declaration that He is One (La illha ill-Allah) is a sadaqa, and enjoining of good is a sadaqa, and forbidding of that which is evil is a Sadaqa, and in man's sexual Intercourse (with his wife, ) there is a Sadaqa. They (the Companions) said: Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion among us? He said: Tell me, if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward. [Book 5 Hadith 2198]

And lets not forget even our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was a man as well:

Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart.[Book 8 Hadith 3240]

The following Hadith has some degree of truth in it:

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." (Book 54, Hadith 460)

The above mentioned Hadith explanation: man wants to 'release' is urge and his wife refuses him. This implies that husband thoughts might be that he can't fulfil his desires in a halal way, and it is difficult to control his urges especially if he sleeps with his wife throughout the night.

Now how does this impact the relationship? One man came to a sheikh and told him about problems with his relationship with his spouse. The sheikh asked him off the bat about his sexual relationship, and he started crying.

My sincere advice would be to give him his right, regardless of how tired you are. Like it was said, you will even get reward for it.

PS: vice versa also applies if you request for sex.

May Allah guide you, and help your husband.

Jazakallah khair

answered 2666 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Mar 02 at 08:46

@eleanour079, yes i was seriously askng abut an angel's curse. thank you for your answer. so this poor woman is going to hell if she doesn't have sex with her husband on command? well that sucks. and y'all wonder why people say islam is mysogynistic. you have a good night.

answered 55 mikejm4's gravatar image

I'm inclined to say that there is more to it than just a sexual matter. The health profession can be taxing on the body and mind making one emotionally and physically drained. I myself am a Health Professional and often return home tired and extremely drained. However to counter balance that, you can do exercises such as a 15 minute walk, setting a timely schedule appropriately giving rights to a lot of priorities in your life and communicating this to your husband. In addition try to talk to him about different acts of sexual behavior. Also have a look at your eating and sleeping patterns. These can greatly affect physical and mental energy. Maybe on weekdays..you can have shorter versions of it..or alternative sexual activities or set a time in the morning. With that being said... Rejecting your husband is one alternative but isn't the best alternative and can leave him feeling lonely, rejected and seeking someone else for emotional and physical attention. Remember a lot of brothers spend their most sexual expressive times staying celibate to avoid the haram. Now that they followed the deen and married to have such a life.. Making him beg for it or bartering it off like its a cookie can be oppressive.

answered 10 Ayub04's gravatar image

It amazes me when someone complains that a man what's sex a lot that he is on the wrong, yet complains when he cheats. Most Scientist such as Abraham Maslow who created the theory on the Human Needs pyramid, believe sex is a basic need down there with food water and security.

answered 10 Ayub04's gravatar image
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Asked: Aug 05 '13 at 21:28

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Last updated: Mar 24 at 18:26

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