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in joint family i face many problems so i want separate home. besides my husband and in laws are too much involved with their relatives. when one of his uncle came from abroad,they along with me gave the whole day with their afternoon i felt unwell so i came home at 10pm with my husband and they did not like it. for this reason he became angry and wished to go again whether i go or not. even he was ready to go leaving me alone at late night. for joining with them only to gossip the whole night he sent me to my father's home that night at 11.45pm! i was crying being so sad and stayed here for a long time. he came being sorry and promised me if further situation arises like this, he will stay separate with me. i came back to in laws home and for many times we fought again even physically for many problems. it becomes very irritating for me to come in front of my in laws after fighting, but he broke his promise. for many times he broke his promises. again i was suffering from severe migraine headache and requested him to stay, he gave more priority to attend an iftar party to his uncles house and went with his mother leaving me alone in the home. all of them involve my husband for everything although he has other cousins and a younger brother studying honors. besides they take dinner late that is why we cant spend time together at night, it disturbs me also to sleep well and most of the time we miss the salah of fazar. all of these are happening only because of staying joint. i can neither change everybody to follow new routine nor can convince my husband to live separate. he feels uneasy about that what he will answer his relatives and how he will look at their eyes. should they interfere into my rights? i feel that i am just an option to him, they are everything. if i stay with all of them then its ok otherwise i may go to hell that doesn't matter to him. finally we are staying separate but it is from each other. we love each other very much and cant divorce. we are keeping contact but i am living alone and he is with his family and relatives. i wanted to keep good relation with them staying separate but his this type of behavior is making me both physically and mentally sick. now i cant tolerate anybody of them at all. all of my in laws are very good persons but problems still arise. i am so disturbed and my image is also going to be down to them day by day. do i have right to stay separate only if i am tortured by in laws otherwise not? or we should do it before things become worse? if he keeps me separate then where should he stay- with me or in his parents home letting me live alone?

asked 1014 Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

i see why no one answered. that's a tough one.

here's a website several muslims have quoted from on this site in the past. he is a saudi. personally i think his school of fiqh is outdated and backwards in many ways. but i'm not a muslim so i guess it doeasn't matter.

goodluck, mike.

(Aug 08 '13 at 17:18) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image

thank you for your comment. i have already visited this site to send a question but it always says to visit at 20.00. according to our time i waited till 23.00 but wheneve it is 20.00, it again says "the session of today is reached please visit us tomorrow at 20.00"! why is this brother? if you can tell, it would help me.

(Aug 10 '13 at 03:53) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

thanks mike for trying to help and keeping the question active i wouldn't have noticed it if it wasn't for u

sister ur husband's relatives have no right to interfere between u two

here are ur rights try to make him read them

i have seen such problems it is not haram for u to leave the house but he doesn't have to provide for u any more unless u left it because he was abusing u or he wanted u to do something haram .

he can't just leave u hanging like that u can take legal action

u should think about this marriage what do u want out of it if u r not going to achieve it then u should ask for a divorce , of course u don't want to make Allah angry and that way of living isn't right , if u insist on this marriage then ur family and his should sit together talk honestly ad straight forward about this problem and make certain promises and clarify the circumstances for breaking those promises , if u make out there is no specific place u should live in try to have ur own place although if he can't then at the place that u both agree will make less problems to both of u ,and try to get along with his relatives if u can because that can change everything but don't torture ur self ,do all u can and Tawakkal-tu-Allah.

EID MUBARAK ---- Allahu Yahdik

answered 2394 tokabo's gravatar image

Assalam walaikum.thank u fact i have shown to him some of the same prblems with ansrs on this site.i have also tried to gve evidences about giving my rghts from books of hadiths earlier(which doesn't mean to cut off or help financially his family, its just for keepng situations safe from being worse.but he is still silent.i belve he is a good Muslim.Alhamdulillah i got such a relgious husband & in-laws.but i dnt know why he is constant in this question though he understands.he doesn't ans when i ask him based on these.then what to do?your ans is giving me mental peace. ALLAH HAFIJ

(Aug 10 '13 at 03:32) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

first i want to apologize for the late answer i wanted to get u as much info as i could and i asked someone to and i just so this comment so forgive me, just to make things clear u have all the right to ask for a divorce but apparently u don't want to ,he has to give u ur rights and he has to give his parents and relatives their rights to but not at ur expense and living separate is not an option even if u agree to it i am sure ur future children won't ,try again tell him u will try and ask him to help u

(Aug 10 '13 at 16:16) tokabo tokabo's gravatar image

and make him guarantee that he won't break his promises although i think it is very important that ur families sit together and discuss this clearly once and for all because u and ur husband are not the only sides of this problem his family is involved therefore they should try work this out and try to be patient as much as u could may Allah help u

(Aug 10 '13 at 16:17) tokabo tokabo's gravatar image

brother plse forgive me also for that i couldnt keep patient to get the same time i thank you for being with me while nobdy even my family with with me.whatevr i tell,they dont agree & say "husbands are always like this and wives have to adjust.there are must some faults of you for whch he does like this to must not have the power that can make your husband do" i know he and all of him are very good persons but evrythng has limit.when there is no balance,not mandatory all good persons can stay together.

(Aug 10 '13 at 21:18) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

they all take care of mine,love me & my husband loves me more than myslf but still there are something that disturbs all & thats enough to make thngs worse to worst.he,along with all of them understand & also know about whats are the prblms,what i want & why i want i dnt think that it is necssry for both famly to sit will fall all spcially me to be embrrassed.just simply a separate home which could all to keep balnced & keep good realation as well as everybody could live their own lifestyle not hampering to others.besides i would also feel for them normal. Assalam waalaikum.

(Aug 10 '13 at 21:35) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

if u mean u and ur husband live in another place alone then that is the perfect solution i hope everything gets better - Insha Allah Assalam waalaikum.

(Aug 11 '13 at 07:38) tokabo tokabo's gravatar image
showing 5 of 6 show all

Sister, having got an opportunity being alone now is good sign/time to start your ibaada like zikr, quran, panch sura and any how you are doing 5 times prayers. My main idea is the inner beauty of islam comes from zikr-e-ilaahi. Also try to come forth with tahajud prayers, it is just 20-30 mins before fajr prayers. Don't sleep till fajr stay doing zikr perform fajr prayers and take tea or coffee. Do dua in such time Allah (s.a.w) stays in the fourth sky asking to muslims/momins to rise hands and do dua any one here i will give he or she what he asks!!! So try to perform Tahjud and solve your very big issue. May Allah(s.a.w) solve your problems asking the almighty who is ready to give what you ask.

Note: Tahjud is 12 rakat prayers, but start with 4 rakat, then 8 - 12 rakat. Gradually you can perform more till 12 rakat. Also patiently you have to be this takes 40 days to change your life.

answered 10 Hashim%20bukhari%20syed's gravatar image

Assalamualaikum. brother i would like to thank you for giving me such a valuable suggestion. i will must try and please pray for me. are there any fixed sura for tahajjud prayer? is it sunnah and done before the bitir?

(Aug 11 '13 at 21:42) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

when i cant pray namaj anyway, then what jikr can i do during those days instead of tahajjud to get the result?

(Aug 11 '13 at 21:45) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

Q 1. Witr is performed after Isha prayers. As follows 2 rakat sunnat + 2 rakat nafl + 3 rakat witr. Tahjud is Nafl namaz and is performed in the dawn before fajr. Mostly 12 rakt is performed separately with 2 rakt and 6salam alaikum warahmatullah. Niyat for Tahjud Start First rakt as follows Allahu akbar + Auzu billah + sana + Sura Fatiha + 12 times Sura Ikhlas then go as usually ruku, sajda usually for 2nd rakt after sura fatiha + 11 times. Niyat again 2 rakt nafl tahjud in the same way in 3rd rakt 10 times in 4th rakt 9. Similarly at end of last 2 rakt you fall in 2 and 1 time sura ikhlas. Thats it, between every 4 rakt u can make dua and last i mean end of the tahjud u make a grand dua with weeping manner, crying Allah (s.a.w) likes those who cry like child in the dua while asking him. Q 2.At that time neither u can perform Farz namaz, tahjud nor you can make zikr. Think sister what is the alternate step u can do? I cant specify. If you cant understand ask your elderly sisters.

answered 10 Hashim%20bukhari%20syed's gravatar image

ASSALAMUALAIKUM. thank you brother for giving me the accurate direction about tahajd namaj. give more if possible. may ALLAH bless you. ALLAH HAFIJ

(Aug 12 '13 at 06:45) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

assalamualaikum brother. many many thank you to give me the details suggestion about tahajud salah. please help me to remove another confusion. you said tahjud salah is nafl and prayed before fajr. does it mean that we have to wait to perform witr after finishing tahjud before the dawn?

(Aug 29 '13 at 02:26) Muslim Lady Muslim%20Lady's gravatar image

Walaikum asalam sister, you don't have to wait till tahjud prayers for the witr. You will pray witr as usual in Isha prayers. Some of them pray alongwith tahjud. Just before performing tahjud... Allah hafiz.

answered 10 Hashim%20bukhari%20syed's gravatar image
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Asked: Aug 06 '13 at 22:43

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Last updated: Aug 31 '13 at 07:16

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