Assalaamualaikum. I recently had my mahr and Alhamdulillah now married to my wife. At current we live in different countries but I visit home regularly and see her often (She still lives with her parents and likewise with me). Due to my work being temporarily overseas, there are some work constraints and forcefully we have had to delay our ceremony (Walima) to approximately a year’s time from now. My situation is that my parents have set strict guidelines/conditions upon my wife and I that we must oblige to until the walima. Now you might know that in some cultures, socially the man cannot have sexual intercourse nor express intimacy to his wife until after the ceremony (Because apparently it is disgraceful upon the parents if their daughter happens to get pregnant before the wilima, even though the mahr has been done). For that reason I am not allowed to share the bed with my wife when she visits my home and neither are we allowed to preform any sexual acts till after the walima. This puzzles us very much because as far as we understand, in front of Allah we are officially married, and the ceremony is simply a celebration, nothing more. Now although my parents don’t mind me taking my wife out for dinner, and giving her hugs when we meet etc my wife and I both find it very uncomfortable that we have to refrain ourselves from our intimate desires for each other just because of our parent’s rulings. Furthermore it is quite disturbing to tell you the truth because we feel like we aren’t married at all. My father is hard to talk to and stubborn when discussing this issue. I always seem to get told off at the end of the discussion when I start the conversation relating to this issue, he holds his grounds very firm about this particular topic. What can you advise me? I also wonder sometimes if I am sinful for not fulfilling my wife’s desires and vice versa. How do I overcome this issue when my parents are hard to speak to? Am I supposed to wait till after the Walima in Islam? Should I just do what I like from behind my parents knowledge or would that be sinful too? May you please provide me with any hadith or verse from the Quran that you might find helpful next time I approach my father (In Arabic or English), he is a very religious man. Jazakallahu Kheir!

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Asked: Aug 15 '13 at 11:11

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Last updated: Aug 15 '13 at 11:11

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