I am a young girl who is 19 years old and I have a BIG problem and it is that I'm addicted to sex, a guy who is not Muslim and we do everything together when I'm with him I just want to be there with he all the time. Does a sick mom and my dad raped me when I was small and not very good contact with him even though he lives near us. One day I was at home with the guy and I was lying on his bed came this verse of the Koran in my heart "Inna batsha Rabbika lashadiid" (Quran 85:12).
I can read and understand a little Koran but the strange thing was that my heart knew this verse, but I could not understand myself what it meant. And I do not pray when I'm with him but I pray when I'm with my family, I ask all the time even though I do not pray the Fajr prayer on time. And I have repeatedly promised ALLAH that I would never go back to this guy and do not haram but it is simply not possible then I see that I am with him again and again and again. Am I a hypocrite then? Is this a warning from ALLAH, then? I find it hard not to see him although I wish was with my mom and help her with everything she needs and to obey my master/lord and so there would seem to be easy.
Do I have contact with him after all he has done? I will always be scarred for what he has done. I never thought my life would be like this I would do haram and make zina and so on.
And all this started when I was 16 years old and was engaged/married to a guy from Latin American and I separated myself from him since he began stalk after me and so on. Then after that I started doing haram, etc. but before I never did zina and every guy that I happen to look at so reminiscent of my ex all the time but I do not even want. So I wonder what this is? There was a time I dreamed about him all the time and the weird thing in this dream was that I did and he has come back to each other. And it's the last thing I want.
Hello to all of you there. First of all let me thank everyone who replied to me and it felt good that there are people who cares though, I would also point out that what happened to me has nothing to do with GOD or ISLAM they are free from this, but the culprit is who performed the action. And God is not unjust towards his servants. I could have thought like this "God allowed my dad to rape me several times why should I believe in him?" but NO I would never think like that. It's wrong, GOD has nothing to do with the matter and do, and then let me point out again that Islam is a perfect religion that came from ONE SINGLE god and everything that has happened to me has a reason and this is a trial, but that does not mean that God wanted this to happen with me but God knew this would happen. This world is a trial, and my father will be punished sooner or later. God is fair.
And then I want to comment on everything @Kind- Lady said, you should know that everything that happens in the world happens for a reason and the people are those who spread corruption, war, etc.
I feel good after all that has happened, and I needed to hear that God is there and he lets you not go through this alone, put your trust in him and so it was really nice and be told this, a counselor or a psychologist helps no they sit there and babble, but when you know that he who created the heavens and the earth is there for you and love you it's the best feeling, I want his love not only men, and EVERYTHING I have done is a really BIG sin and regret every day that passes, and the biggest thing to do is to acknowledge sin to youreself.
God knows best.