Assalamu Alaikum.

I wanted to discuss about various subjects both involving myself with my inlaws and a son with his parents and siblings relationships.

My husband since childhood has been treatly by his family with no respect of his own or say in anything. he has quietly been taking in all the verbal abuse and pressure from his family. they would talk bad about him in front of anyone and say he is good for nothing. he has never been alowed to make a decision for himself ever. he has never done an "uff" till date and taken it all in. even his younger sisters mistreat him and if he was to talk back to them they would just try to show him his place type of thing and also verbally abuse him. if he tried to tell his parents then they would also take his sisters sides and do the same. they would never leave a chance to compare him to anyone. he has been as far as i know very respectful and loving towards them and becuase of their behaviour it has made him self conscious and nervous and miserable. it has also come to a point where even if an outsider was to come and speak bad or rubbish about him they would believe them and punish him instead. they would suspect him that he would steal or drink or smoke or even go out with girls or even just roam around with friends. yet his sisters are free to do as they please.

they had decided to send him to UK to do something. i would most probably think for their own benefit as he was the only one who had gone so far with education so there was a chance to enter UK. he got granted and they decided he would live with his cousin who was already there since a couple of months. his cousin also mistreated him and would call his parents up and tell them false things that he is drinking and smoking and spending all his fathers money on rubbish stuff like going out with girls and friends and gambling. they called him up and verbally abused him then as well and not believing what he had to say. a couple of months later he had asked for money from his father as he had nothing left on him and he had to pay for the room he rented and food and travel. it was hard finding a job as he was on student visa which only allowed 20hours. but they had denied to give him and said for him not to call back ever again ad they broke ties with him. he cried so much that day as he never felt so alone. he then started doing all the things which he never did. drinking, gambling going out with girls etc. i would also like to add he liked someone in pakistan and wanted to marry her but his father refused.

i met him couple of months later and we really wanted to get married. but he was worried they wouldnt accept and i was worried mine wouldnt either as i was british born bangladeshi and he pakistani. i called his father up and he agreed straight away. hwoever mine didnt. so we ranaway and lived together for a month or so and my family found my whereabouts. they said they would accept him so i went back. then again they started changing there mind a couple of days into it so i ranaway again and we decided i would get pregnant as this was only way because my family wanted to take me bangladesh to get me married. my family found out and were disappointed but decieded to get us married in next month or so.

since i have got married it was fine for a couple of months with my in laws. they acted like they where my own, REALLY NICE! which was unbelievable. my husband was so happy he was finally so close to them.i made my husband call them almost everyday as i always wanted to be close to them and since i had no sisters i treated them like mine. i would buy them things and parcel to them not worrying how much i spend or keeping account of things or expecting anything back. me and my husband would share eac and every situation with them that we had. our success, failure, etc.

i had a facebook account and so did his sister and i would see her uploading pictures with about 10 guys with her and they hanging out. i did not like the idea of it so i told my husband and told him he had a duty to tell his sister to be cautious and stay away from them however if she had liked one then to tell us we would speak to our parents. she had a big fight with us that day and i dont know what she her parents as we are not there but they all had a go at us and verbally abused us and told us we are good for nothing and calling my child illegitimate and what not. they called me things aswell and also about there son. they say he isnt doing anything for them yet every 2 weeks pr so he would send them money not worrying about our own expenses. we was in government funds but we did not tell anyone of such as we didnt like sharing our hardship and worrying anyone. then we decided to apologise so things were ok again. since then we had another fight only a month ago and now it has come up again. this time really bad. his family have abused us really bad and included my family into it. they even said they pray my family die of cancer or so. my husband had always taken the right side. he has always supported me whever they have spoken ill of me. but this time his sister has broken all the limits and brought in things only a couple can talk about basically about our sexual life and talking to him mentioning his private parts and etc and again about my children. mashallah i have 2 now. they expect us to have only the number of kids they want us to have as "what will society say" is there answer. i have realised to them it has always been about status and money and nothing beyond that. if my husband buys me something they would get angry and demand they want it as well. or they show i have no taste or whatever. they say i am ugly and not educated and etc. we could not take it this time so we said things to her and also included things about all of them. we did not really abuse anyone but mentioned all the things that are right and wrong and also mentioned things about what they did and have done till date in there lives so they have no right to say anything. they wish to break ties with us so we agreed. the thing that really gets to me is the fact that his father messaged me saying what we said about them lot not even an enemy would say and he wants us to be happy in our own life and broke ties yet he cannot see what his own daughter said about me, my family, my children and husband. they all mentioned aswell that we want his fathers properties and money and i want his mother jewellery and aparently becuase of my husband hsi sisters jewellery got sold. and they always brag on about all the things they bought which is nothing compared to what we have sent till date including gifts and money. they say we are jealous of them and there capabilities and there looks.

i do not know what to do. my husband left all the bad things he did when he met me and has been following islam as much as he can and also teaching me and his children whatever he learns. i have decided to wear a burka aswell now and we are trying to teach our children now. my family are all good with him now. they all treat him part of the family and include him in everything. please could you help us and show us the right path. i agree we spoke rudely to them but we do not deserve this. i dont care how they treat me but a son surely does not get treated like that and doesnt deserve any of it. i see him cry every night. i just want to help. there is a lot more to it but i am just including the major things. jazakallah

i am eagerly waiting for a reply.

asked 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Aoa

Parents are not by choice and even if they mistreat you (you get reward for patience):

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years - give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.

(Luqman, Chapter #31, Verse #14)

When you become parents and your child will do this. Then will you only understand?

No, listen to the hadith of the prophet (S.A.W.) that was reported by Imams Ahmad and (Muslim in similar words.) when a man came to him and said, O messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I keep good relations, but they cut off relations with me, I forgive them, but they oppress me, I do good to them, but they treat me badly, should I get even with them (treat them as bad as they treat me)? The prophet replied: "No, If you do so all the relations will be cut off this way. On the contrary, be generous and keep in touch with them, you will always have support from Allah as long as you stay this way."

And furthermore:

Imams Bukhari and Muslim also reported that a Bedouin asked the prophet (S.A.W.), " O messenger of Allah tell me something that gets me closer to Paradise and gets me further away from Hell Fire. The prophet (S.A.W.) said, "Submit to Allah only and do not take partners with Him, establish prayers, and pay zakah, and establish good relations with your relatives." When the Bedouin left, the prophet (S.A.W.) said, "If he holds onto what I told him, he will enter Paradise."

Your husband is virtuous and patient which very few have. May Allah grant him paradise for fighting bad with good patience.

The purpose of this life is only to test which of us is best in deeds and if they are mistreating him, then it will be heavy on themselves on Day Of Judgement where everyone is promised justice (and mercy for the believers).

Jazakallah Khair

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answered 2466 abdul_wasay's gravatar image
edited Apr 07 at 10:23

Sister, I don't know if ur reading this.But I hope that by now ur sorrows have been washed away. But if they haven't,, U and ur husband And kid should be an independent family by now. Theymistreated u a lot and don't let them do this to u anymore. Have some self respect. I'm sorry but u have done all there's to be done to mend ur ties with husbands family. U gav them respect and reason but u got handed bullshit and insult. It's rotten now and what's rotten must be cut away for ur own ur own good. Don't be drawn to desperation anymore.. Cut the ties and move on. If ur not financially independent anymore it is high timeu must be. Ur husband and u must find a good job. U r a unit , the 4 of u, a world of happiness of ur own. Never let ur husband or urself feel lacking, keep him and ur kids happy.theres no reason to be sad anymore, it's not ur fault that u got treated like this. Some people r mindless like that. So be happy And build ur future. All the best!!

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answered 10 anandvl's gravatar image

please could someone reply! URGENT!!!!

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answered 4411142 UnknownUser's gravatar image
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Asked: Aug 26 '13 at 14:44

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Last updated: Apr 07 at 10:23


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