hi i am female, deaf and 34 year old. i met my husband (soon to be ex) in 2008. he is a muslim. we married in 2009. i did convert for his religion. we did happy together he was a husband but turned out we fought more not normal. we have many opposite of our different. i raise in american i was catholic and my deaf culture. he raise in Turkey and moved USA. We cant solve and we fought more he was mad at me and i was mad at him each other. and we become DV, abused and control each other. we become breakdown and he moved back to turkey. we had been separated in 2012 and he refused to come home. i moved to my family. we still love each other so much. i pray for him come home. i did email him many millions times how much i am sorry about i had done in past. We did talk about future thru email. But my husband was not sure, doubt and acknowledged about us.
I have to be honest i made mistake in last year hospital i went to hospital for commit suicide after his emails was so harmed me so much because of hurt so much when he blamed me for everything in past that made me lost and wanted to hurt myself because he was angry at me i felt so guilty and wanted to punish myself.. when i was staying 2 week at hospital for get help. i feel better... when turned out i went to doctor and found out my depressing became my health sickness i have thyroid that happened i became massive manic depressed in while we were together.. i remembered that i had thyroid in 2009 i had no idea but never diagnosis with my old doctor. she was not good communicate with me about i have thyroid but now i have new doctor she was amazing communicated with me and very supportive me. thyroid online's that many hits me to realize that i read more about who has thyroid that same our situation from people couples had ruined marriage they divorced and some lucky, they were staying for supportive each other who have thyroid illness.. and also i am using my medicine.
i email him about i was trying to explain my husband about happened past that i learned that i have thyroid because that caused my disturbing behavior burden my husband's life. i told him how much i am sorry i wish i would know earlier about thyroid but kind too late for us, he still doesn't understand about my thyroid illness, he blamed on me for our different cultural, not my health sickness i don't sure if he really understand my thyroid illness caused us that happened. but he keep blaming about my past everything i had done that gainning to hurt my feeling. i begged him not hurt i am massive depressing. he still obsessed about my everything fault. he is very stubborn, to refuse to believe in me and he felt shame on about me. i kept talking him because i love him so much he is only i really love him so much but still hurting from him. i don't know if he really cold heartless, ignored my emails and blamed me about past. but he was mad that i was harsh about he is. he denied and said i am the one problem. my heart already drowned and hurt, hurt, hurt so much and also i was depressing in angry my outspoken to harsh him again. but i never mean it to want to make him mad. but same time i feel shame on myself about past i have thyroid illness. but i am more confused that is all me everything not thyroid illness?.. is he deserve better about that he is right thing to do hurt me away that all my fault? i thought always that there something our belief that happened to us destiny or maybe my destiny to be survive from my sickness that i believe in ALLAH. but my husband kept blames me i feel like i am a bad person? to give my husband stronger and his right. Islam is ok with Man can right to blame woman who has sickness cause to ruin their life?
He broke up with me without divorce or mosque for divorce we married in two time city hall and mosque. He left me here nothing to sign for divorce. I told him I am not the one want divorce, he did. He should pay for his marriage to divorce me. He didn't do it. That mean I am still legalized married for both? What I do? And happened he kept excuse and lied about trying hurting me for get rid of me because of his family hate me and order him to leave me. That is his family about right? That is huge hurt my feeling. Why not it is only of us own more discuss, not interfere for relative, friends or family or anybody wanted to him leave, it was not their love to tell him do. He does love me but he was stuck in between his family and me. Am I wrong? :((((
all negatives he doesn't understand about depressing could be serious and my thyroid. he refused to care & supportive me but he really loves me. i am confused that he is right that he refused care & supportive? Now i am still weak, sick and depressing. but I am going to see my therapy & doctor in two week. for get help again. sometimes i wish someone or something could happen if someone explain to him more better and tell my husband to wake up. that since he had been not nice to me.. he is good man he has difficult for everything past. i want to him break his hatred and get health as i do. i love him so much. Allah knows me.
i am sorry if my grammar is not right i use sign language first my language, 2 nd english. i hope u can understand my write.
i want to know about Islam about teach to good people can save someone feel heal? i know there have to get help yourself first but i want to something love can heal that can be more solve and world would be different.
i hope there will be better explain to me and give me feel positive but u can permissive that is fine i need to see feedback & realistic from women's feeling.. thank you for your time to read my situation.
Have u done about marriage and sickness? Please write me, thank u so much