I have been separated from my family since birth. My parents have done everything they can to separate me from my grandparents, cousins, uncles, etc. I am Iranian and most of my family lives in Iran. I have grown up here in the U.S. and very recently have begun to realize the root of my problems. My parents have cut relations with their families and I am now 21 and a sick, exhasued, and alone. My family is either ill, grown up, or dead.My parents have done nothing to help them and they lie to me and backbite about me. When I was In Iran, they told my family and friends family everything I told them. Me and my parents argued over the phone and I said a few things. My father decided to tell my friends family behind my back. When I arrived at my fiends house, everyone looked at me as if I was some maniac. I was so ashamed and stunned. I have so many regrets and jealousies. My parents have taken everything away from me: Deen, language, culture, Iran. We never visted my famly and only after fighting with my parents I have gone only three times. My father hasent seen his family in almost forty years. Now everyone has adapted and grown up without me and I am as if a stranger especially toward my cousins. I always try to please my paretns, I go to school and come home study. I give them gifts I talks to them. They just crushed me. All my cousins are lean and well feed and around family and grandparents except me whom my parents have not treated me well so I am very thin and sick. of all the grandchildern I am the sickest and weakest even my sister was well feed. When I was little I was always getting sick. I once had a seizure and had meningitis which struck my spine and I was close to being paralyzed. I fell from somebodies arms when I was little and have a huge scar on my head. My head always seems to hurt and I have heart murmur. My cousins and sister are tall, well fed, and have almost no health issues. I am extrmely jealous and do not know whay I am not like them. I am also gooing baldIts is embarrising only these pat two months have I begun eating really well and my eye sight began to improve. I have been bored my whole life and since twelve have been addicted to istimna and zina I had no one to tell me it was bad and am now very burned out.I am burned out I have barley seen my homeland.I have no luck in life. Nothing goes as planned. I have very bad luck. This year, I went to Iran and some how my cousin joined the army, my grandparnt couldnt walk, and when we were about to go a road trip, my grandfathers head hit the door and almost died. The nurse said that if it hit furthur down he would have died. My uncle was moving and I had a misreble time in Iran. Everyone around me believes my parents and blame me for my problmes. I so hurt inside. When I talk to people or friends and family they do not understand what I am going through. They think I am ungrateful.I have such pressure. My parents show off how little money they make when they are rich and make excellent money. Both are engineers and work in big companies. My dad lies and complaiens how little money he earns when clearly he makes a lot. He comlaines to me how I should workd and drive to scholl. They wont even take me to school without problems. I am convicned my paretns hate me and are planning to send me of little by little. My dad has not seen or helped his family so they are not so well off. Then he complains how he's poor and has no money. My cousins are tired of Iran and are just jelous I am in America. I can't even talk to them without getting heart broken. They are really hurtful to me. Everyone has been hurtful to me. These stupid parents play a film out of me. They are nice to everyone except me. They are so tricky that most people, not even my sister, realize how they have hurt me. They put fire in my heart and there no one to help or defend me against them in America. My own sister supports them and has no feelings toward me. My paretns and sister even find it difficult to take me to school.They are not even willing to do that they say I need to drive. Now my family is being given money so they think that my dad is an angel. All my parents intentions have twists in them. They blacken everything in my life before I get to experience it. In the end, I am alone, sick, and everyone thinks I am crazy. Even my own sister wont believe me. Cutting relations is one of the worst sin's and my parents have done this without regret for forty years. I beleivev some family died of regret for them not even calling them. I try to do go and have good intentions always. I give money to power and try to read and want to help muslims. My grandfater is originally from Iraq and I am heartbroken at what has happened to Iraq. I wish to help my people and hate what has happened to Iraq. My silly mother still thinks with the hope of Allah and still does these things. This is such extreme pain and Its obvious I am not being feed. I have Everyone I see around me and in college has family and friends.I want to ask, why has this befallen me? Why are my parents like this? I have prayed sooo much and my luck has unchanged.Why am I the only one in my family like this? I am burned out, think, and have much regret. I wanted to grow with someone or some Uncle or in Iran where I could learn Islam. I am tired of the U.S the way people dress and act its as if I've been posined. I am extrmeley ashamed of being here as a Muslim but I can't leave. My plan is to finish my bachelors and join the Iranian Millitary. Is this a good plan and will it succede? I wish to free myself from America. Why is this happening what is the point no one else is like me in the family and I'm just suffering from my parents sins? What is the outcome? Also, are there other sites I can use to send this information? Thank you
The question has been closed for the following reason "Problem is not reproducible or outdated" by sadie Oct 20 at 04:03
Reading your story and comments, what stands out so strikingly and clearly is your melodramatic tendency. How on earth do you get through your day with so much negativity, regret, blame, self-pity and focus on self?!!
What is obvious is that you don’t care so much about neither the present nor the future but prefer to hold onto the past. If at least your thought s were about the good events of the past but you choose to be stuck on the negative ones. Do you ever stop thinking about you and what you perceive as ‘bad’ and notice the good that is around you? Do you think about how you could perhaps help others?
You need to clearly understand that your parents did not intentionally separate you from your relatives...they chose to live in another country with the intention to create a better life for you as a family. They are working, educating and feeding you, clothing you.... and you are complaining about that? The fact that your parents have cut ties with the relatives is something that they are responsible for and you are not answerable for that. Having said that, you are free to uphold you family ties and have a whole lifetime to rebuild relationships and create the life that you wish for yourself. Learn from the mistakes that your parents have made but do not criticise them, especially openly in front of others as we are advised by Allaah SWT to keep concealed the shortcomings of others:
Verse 11; Sura Hujarat "O you who believe, let not (one) people laugh at (another) people perchance they may be better than they, nor let women (laugh) at (other) women, perchance they may be better than they; and do not find fault with your own people nor call one another by nicknames; evil is a bad name after faith, and whoever does not turn, these it is that are the unjust."
Now imagine how Allaah sees fault-finding and criticising of our very parents!
Now you also see some connection between your deen, feeling shame and living in the USA. Let me tell you that some of the most devout Muslims live in USA. They follow their deen and make it strong. They are not ashamed of their religion and are some of the best examples of how a Muslim should be and others follow by their example. Living in the USA is not your problem, it is the way you see it. Maybe you are in USA because Allah wants you to be a good example of a Muslim to others.
How will you ever move on if all you see around you is so negative? I want you to look at the words you tend to use:
”I have so many regrets and jealousies.... My parents have taken everything away from me: Deen, language, culture, Iran. ... I am extremely jealous..... I have been bored my whole life.... I am burned out.... I so hurt inside... as if I've been poisoned.... Nothing goes as planned.... This is such extreme pain.... These are just some that I have pasted here to make you think.
To make some positive changes in your thinking, stop yourself every time you catch yourself thinking negatively. Do not use words such as always, never, nothing, all, whole, burnt, poisoned, extremely. These are very negative expressions. A negative attitude really does affect your quality of life. Sometimes it takes control of your life and you see everything in the worst possible way. You are not happy and the people around you are not happy, either. Look at the crippling effects of negativity.
Negativity can change the way you look at everything and keep you from enjoying many things that can bring you joy. It keeps you from trying new things that may be wonderful. It can also keep you from maturing and learning how to cope with the challenges of life.
Negativity can lead to sadness, depression, stress, and giving up on life. If can take away your energy and motivation. Instead of a go-getter, you become a hopeless case who cannot help themselves.
From a physical standpoint, negativity, unhappiness, and stress weakens your immune system. When this happens, you can become susceptible to many diseases, including one’s that occur because of stress, like heart disease and ulcers. You say that you are physically weak and unwell, losing hair and have poor eyesight. Have a look at your diet and your thinking!
Thinking and what goes on in your head can have the biggest effect on who you are and how you are. There is a quote I once came across which is food for thought for all of us. I want you to look at it. It’s titled ‘Seeds of Destiny” and goes like this:
Watch your thoughts, they become words!
Watch your words, they become actions!
Watch your actions, they become habits!
Watch your habits, they become character!
Watch your character....It becomes your destiny!!!
From a Muslim perspective, your destiny is not just your life events in this world, more importantly, your destiny is where you end up in the Hereafter.
The power of thoughts is unquestionable but many do not heed this fact.
Do you know that most of the things you mention in your text are not exclusive to you alone? Every person has a life story to tell and almost everyone has had:
an illness of some sort in the family
a death in the family
a financial complaint
a love gone wrong sometime during their life
The list could go on and on.
Do you see ANY good around you? Have you forgotten to say 'Alhamdilollah' throughout your day?. Are you grateful to Allah for your life and do you appreciate every little thing? If not, you should.
I do not apologise for not sympathising with you but am glad to point out to you that if you don’t change your way of thinking, you will remain unwell and unhappy for the duration of your life. You have a choice here. It is a concern that as a young man of 21 years of age, who has every opportunity to make something of his life, you are stopping yourself from moving on and being happy.
In Islam theres one word do solve all your problems... Patience.In Islam such a strong signifies that you are waiting for something like Allahs forgivness or that nice house that you always dreamed and prayed of having.
I DEFINATLEY have to salute you for all of this I hate America I want to go to Iran and join the Army. Your clearley are quite brave and you clearley hate all of this skinny clothing and denim jacket crap. If I were you I would be....
Good luck then and inshallah Allah will help you throughthese difficult times (:
READ THIS SECOND!!!!!! READ MY FIRST RESPONSE FIRST!!!!
Now dont be jealous because ur cousins are more well fed and they look more stronger aand stuff but be happy and praise Allah that ur not the streets dying like some people in Africa. Same with ur parents. Dont think about what they are going to do to u but THINK about what Allah is going to do to them if they continue these acts. Also I recommend u start eating high protein stuff like halal meat and eggs fish etc.. if u want to build ur shape up a bit but im not ur doctor so its up to u. Now istimna and zina by my knowledge mean masturation and sexual desire acts i think. Istimna or masturbation is haram in Islam YOU should stop immediatley!!! WAYS TO STOP: Be busy, have a hobby that u really like,study etc... stuff like that. Zina is the exact same just dont think about these things and u should eventually stop. For ur grandparent I cant rally t anything for that either. What I would do is pray a lot on time and read the Quran with english translation or persian so atleast u know what ur reading. I myself do this like i have already mentioned in my previous note. If ur parents hate u and want the worse for u then i would really start to worry about the life for them in the afterlife and if they lie about how weak and poor they are when really there strong and wealthy AND they dont give a cent to the poor then I would really really worry about whats going to happen to them in the here after AND if they spy on u for no bad reasons then if i were them I would probably fear Allah staright away. Also i forget to mention that if u have any spare change u should lend it to the nearest muslim charity if not then any charity will be fine. This might make u feel better or maybe improve ur life by the slightest touch any 1 good luck again and if theres anything else feel free to say it out I will be checking everyday for the rest of this week.
Good luck and inshAllah u will feel better (:
I really need help! These parents are killing me. What should I do? Give me advice. Should I call the police?
Salam Aleikom warahmatuhu wa barakatuhu.
U should have patience my dear brother in islam. This life is only a test from Allah Swt. Why call the police ? U must solve this problem by urself. In sha allah Allah will guide u. Just remember be patience, Allah The Almighty can see and hear u. Make dua, read Quran. Doe salah, this will help u alot if u believe in ur deen. Everyone who doesn't follow their deen believe me they will have a unsuccessfull life no matter what. So have hope in Allah swt the one who created u the one who gave u ur deen Alhamdulilah.
May allah guide u my brother.
Really, we are in no position to judge, may Allah forgive those that judge. If this is seeking attention, then there is also a problem, never judge, for we all have trials that others can not understand. My life has been one of separation from my true kin..... but it is a persons will power , strength, and character, that makes for survival in terms of mental ability to cope. Allah has given this person a great trauma in life, but he will come out of it a better person. For his strength is that he has survived so far, and has plans to continue to survive. Some people need more help than others, and have less understanding than others. As the answers are given above, i just clarify,,,, never judge, lest you be judged also. Allah is the judge of all.
Praise Be to Allah, Forgive me if i am wrong and may Allah forgive all of us. Firstly, you shouldn't bad things about your parents because they have bought you to this world and have fed you, clothed you etc. There is only one thing to say about this, if you are having a bad time and you have no one else to go to you, well you are wrong because Allah is always there. Allah will always help us through our ways, all we have to do is make a du'a to Allah. People have nothing and you shouldn't com,plain. i know you are going through a bad time but we always have Allah. Just pray to him and make du'a's to him and Allah will help you. I will tell a short story about du'a. "When Allah swt had created Adam (peace be upon him as well as all prophets)he told the angels to prostrate (bow) to him. Instantly all the angels prostrated to Adam. But there was one called the Iblees (Shaytaain) who did not. Allah gave the ibless many chances to prostrate but still he did not. The Ibless said "i am better than him, you created me out of fire and he is created out of clay. The Ibless said he was better and would not stop. He said that he would lead Allah's people (us) away from the good deeds and make us do bad stuff. He made a du'a to Allah which i don't know as this a short version, and Allah fulfilled his du'a. Search on youtube for proper version. BUT MY POINT IS THAT ALLAH WILL ANSWER YOUR DU'A, JUST BE PATIENCE AS MUSLIMAH8 SAID BEFORE. PRAY 5 TIMES A DAY, READ QUR'AN AND SOME SURAT EVERY DAY LIKE SURAT YASIN. BUT ALLAH WILL HELP YOU. I MAKE DU'A TO ALLAH AND HE HAS MADE THEM TRUE. SOME HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET BUT I KNOW THAT ALLAH WILL BECAUSE I HAVE MY UTMOST FAITH IN ALLAH AND SO SHOULD YOU. MAY ALLAH FORGIVE ME IF I HAVE SAID ANYTHING WRONG BECAUSE THIS IS MY KNOWLEDGE I HAVE LEARNT AND MAY ALLAH FORGIVE EVERYONE. You shouldn't say bad things about your parents because our Mum's have JANNAH on their feet or something like that. I think underneath our mum's feet or on their feet is Jannah. LIKE i said this is all my knowledge i have learnt, i'm not an imam or skeikh, if i have made a mistake, insha'allah allah will forgive all of us. FOLLOW ISLAM AND HAVE ALL FAITH IN ALLAH AND MAKE DU'A.
HOPE THIS HELPS
You have to not give up, you must do your best. Things can be, we see ourself tired. We work hard from januar to desember, but you have to not give up.. It is hard to do, people know it. But you have to not give up.. We have to not give up. We have to not give up. It is better to be consentrated and have control, but if you have nothing. So don´t give up. Even if anybody want that, so you have to hold on. Don´t give up, there will be better times. We have to keep on with what we feel is right, for no one stop you if keep on. We do like we know we can, you have to not give up. People can be weak, but don´t think to much about it. You just have to keep on in your life. Don´t listen to those that want you bad, don´t give up hope.. If someone are scared, so don´t give up. Even if they want that. Don´t give up hope, if you loose hope then you have nothing. You have to not give up... Don´t give up hope even if everything is not so good.
You know when there are people that gather talking about one person and ignoring talking to that person about the problem so is that really those people who are the group that is the problem. Because it is them who talk to each other and can make judgement for/about one person to treat that person differently. So really when you know this, so should you see that this can be made better. OK you are 21 years old, so you are in control of your own life. Or? And that cousin you liked maybe she has heard something from those others about you, so you should just talk to her and arrange things. Ask her if there is a problem? If she wants to tell then listen to her, if she can´t then say you are here so she can make judgement maybe later if she wants to tell you. Because say to her that if you see or hear anything that is not fair to you, then please tell. It could be that her family has said to her that she can´´t talk to you or something. So try to talk to her in private if it can be arranged, but if it can´t then you see it is that. But you should not say you think that, for it is just my thought that it could be a possibility that it is so... Families stick together you know, so when she is a girl/woman there is always others trying making her know what she can´t and what she can. So try going fishing if you can understand what I think?
The thing about your family is just to let them figure out them self, just keep on your road. Just be nice, polite and behave proper. If someone is not fair to you, then ask why. If they can tell then listen. Your family wants your best, so they could think about something other than you are thinking about. Just be calm and see what happens. Maybe it is nothing or maybe they have gotten wrong messages about you. You can not trouble your self about this, this is not your problem. This is not yours, because you are just trying to do your own things even if they treat you differently. Then you just do your own things, if it is something then they will tell you. Don´t you think that? But I understand you good, try to talk to someone you know and feel will understand you. Just go fishing, that means see what kind of information you can get. Behave to be calm... Hope this can help.
Woman tell men, men tell none or something like that.