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Assalamu-alaykum I have been married for a few month now. My husband and I share financial responisbilities in the house. I work and buy monthly supplies-grociereis + toiletries for the both of us. I also buy my by own clothing and undergarments i.e he hasn't Nafaqa'd me in the true sense. He pays rent on home as well as the rates thereof. During the time we were married my husband also incure debt and I have managed to cover some of it with my savings. The issue I'm having is that my husband does financial favours for his sublings which are all married and older than him e.g. Help Pay their ratil accounts and give them petrol money etc. Which he does not communcate with me which I eventually find out. He clears his conversations he has with them and does not tell me anything regarding his extended responsibilities. I have discusses this with him but he defends his action by accusing me of being a difficult person to be open with due to my reaction.I feel that this is against my rights as a wife as I have shared fincial responsibilities in my marriage and would like to know if this sort of behaviour from my husband is acceptable. I now feel insecure about the trust between the two of us due to this. Please advise. Shukran. T

asked 0434104 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Assalamu-alaykum

Your husband has a duty to provide for your daily needs; regardless of your personal financial situation (he is also responsible, of course, for meeting the needs of any of children that might come along).

The fact that you are working, and sharing financial responsibilities, does not exempt your husband from this duty.

Only when your needs (and the needs of the household - such as rent, rates, household debt and so on) are met is your husband free to give financial support to his siblings; and only then, I would suggest, when he has your willing consent.

Trust is hard to earn, but very easy to lose. That you feel the way you do after only a ‘few months’ of marriage ought to be a concern for both of you.

I wonder: Have you truly discussed this with your husband - in an attempt to reach a mutually acceptable solution - or have you merely (and quite understandably) expressed your anger, demanding a change in his behaviour?

You say that he is ‘defensive’ and that he accuses you of being a ‘difficult person to be open with’. Is he trying to excuse his behaviour; or is he genuinely scared of being open with you? You know yourself best, so only you can answer this question.

Any action you then take must be governed by this answer. Once the truth of the matter is beyond doubt, find the root cause(s). The next step is to agree (if you can!) countermeasures. Implement them, and watch what happens.

As best you can, keep emotions out of it. Still to the facts, and avoid any temptation to launch an attack!

Hopefully your husband will be man enough to face up to his responsibilities.

Hopefully you will be strong enough to help him.

I wish you well!

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Asked: Sep 03 '13 at 14:02

Seen: 1,101 times

Last updated: Sep 04 '13 at 11:13



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