I was married for four months before and got divorced. I then liked someone for 4 years and was not successful, he left me. Then I liked someelse again for 2 years and his parents disapproved.

I am so heartbroken and lost. I have been hurt so many times and I feel like I will lost respect from everyone very soon.

I do not know why this keeps happening to me, I am losing faith and patience and it is affecting me in my work, my everyday life...

I feel hopeless and unmotivated to do anything. I have completely given up.

asked 101 karina's gravatar image

salamualeikum sister. First of all, i dnt knw y u got divorded in d first place, but dts by d way. D first tin u should do is not to be despirate to get a husband, d next tin is not to look for a perfect man(cos der is no such tin) only Allah is perfect, d next is dt u shld knw dt Allah alone knws wts best for you, let Him choose for u by doing isthiara whn eva u meet a man u wish to marry. Ask Allah for guidiance. InshaAllah u will get d best with no regrets.

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answered 4411139 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Walaikumsalam,

Jazakallah for your response. I got divorced for many reasons but mainly coze of families. I am trying very hard to get my faith and confidence back but I just cannot do it. I just feel im being punished for something and I feel extremely sad. I am trying to come out of the stress but I can't. I cry everyday, I go to work and on my way back I keep crying everyday. Im just so lost. I really did love the guy but again it failed. I keep failing all the time. And I am being honest I do feel like killing myself.

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answered 101 karina's gravatar image

Assalamu Alaikom warahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu Karina, what if Allaah SWT did not want you to be with any of these guys because He knows that there is someone better for you out there? Think back to how you felt when your marriage ended....low? devastated? disappointed? Then think back to how you felt when the 4 year relationship was over...more of the low? More disappointment? More hurt? And then the two years of liking someone and...more of the same feelings returned to make you feel miserable. All these negative feelings each time just because you thought 'he' was the right one each time. But look back, you got over each man and thought you found the right one with the next encounter. Noqw don't put yourself through misery for nothing! It costs your health, your time and takes away from enjoyment of life. Strengthen your deen, recite Qur'an, make duaas, be with family and friends, focus on work, take up an interest...anything halal to get yourself living again. When you least expect it, you will meet your future husband but meanwhile don't dwell on it. Trully, things happen when you least expect them to.... A word about spending 'years' knowing someone with the ultimate intention to marry later on. It does not serve a purpose to stretch out time in this way....the boyfriend/girlfriend concept does not exist in Islam. You should always have a family member present when with a potential husband. And you will find out quickly if someone is a good prospect for a future husband. When you have come across him inshallah, you will be grateful to Allaah SWT that He has directed your life in this way. Never lose faith. Never lose hope. May Allaah SWT bless you with patience and good.

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answered 5205 stronghold's gravatar image

Jazakallah for your response. Everything you said make sense and I do understand. I just find it very difficult to come out from it. I may sound stupid but believe me I'm finding it very hard to do anything. I wish someone could remind me what you said to me EVERYDAY!.

I have lost hope, Ikeep thinking why it is happening to me... Not the first, second but third time. How many times am I going to get hurt. The last guy I LOVED, my parents were aware and his parents were aware but parents were a problem this time.

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answered 101 karina's gravatar image

Assalamu Alaikom warahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu. Sometimes we have to help ourselves. Most importantly through Allaah SWT. I cannot stress the importance of turning to Him and referring all matters to Him. This you can do by way of duaa. Make several duaa and ask Allaah SWT 1. To give you inner strength, resiliance and patience. These are qualities which will help you throughout your life in all kinds of situations. 2. To recognise, accept and be content with His blessings. This will help you remain positive and see the good behind all the events in your life. 3. To guide to you a husband that will be pious, caring and responsible throughout your life together. Have a look at a publication titled: Fortress of the Muslim which contains Invocations from the Quran and the Sunnah. In it are excellent duaas and istikhara prayer and you will find it online. Sister, you need Allaah SWT and He said: "So remember Me; and I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me." (2:152) And Prophet Muhammad SAWS said: "Duaa is (the essence) of worship." I want to stress here that while you are looking for moral support at present, you must not ever ovelook the fact that Allaah SWT knows better than any human being. No person can help you (or anyone else for that matter) like He can. He has the power, the knowledge of the seen and the unseen, whilst you and I don't know the future, the true present and the past, He knows every smallest detail of it and no one can show you the way like He can. You have to put your trust in Him and be patient. Allaah may be testing you to see if you believe in His presence surrounding you. He will help but you need to acknowledge His being there and chose Him as your helper above people. I can tell you that there is light where Allaah is mentioned and He can turn the most darkest moments into something spectacularly good, beyond your scope of imagination. In addition, place some reminder notes around you so that when you wake up, are about to go to bed or are in the car driving, which remind you that good will come from Allaah SWT. You can also include statements like "There is good in my situation" "My life is full of AllaahSWT's good" "I believe in myself" etc... You have to be your own best friend and look after yourself. Allaah SWT gave you this life and you should make good of it. May Allaah SWT bless you. Ameen.

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answered 5205 stronghold's gravatar image

Assalamoualaikoum. I am trying, believe me I am trying very hard but Maybe I am weak.

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answered 101 karina's gravatar image

Assalamu Alaikom warahmatu Allahi sister, you are not weak, nor are you stupid nor are you a failure. You need to throw these words out of your dictionary when referring to yourself. What you are is a caring human being and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a marriage partner. As you have been greatly disappointed by the outcome of the last situation it is ok to give yourself time to ' grieve' over the loss. But I want you to remember that this perceived 'loss' is only in your eyes as it could have been a GAIN. Maybe Allah SWT protected you from something.

(Sep 20 '13 at 05:24) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

The point is, you do not know 'why?' but need to place your trust in Allah SWT and then wait and see. You will find out as your life story unfolds. Meanwhile, allow yourself time to get over this and do make an effort to participate in life. Ask Allah SWT to help you recover and make you strong. Keep trying and one day you'll catch yourself smiling.... May Allah SWT assist you. Ameen.

(Sep 20 '13 at 05:32) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

Assalamoualaikum. I really did love him :(. I wish things could change. But I feel very unlucky. Maybe I will never be able to start my life with someone in my life.

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answered 101 karina's gravatar image

Assalamu Alaikom warahmatu Allahi sister, Iam going to add one more comment and insha Allah you will see the point. As Muslims we are instructed to be moderate in all that we do. The love that you are professing for this man goes beyond that moderation so far to the degree that it is doing you harm. Now it is up to you to pick yourself up and square up your shoulders and start moving forward. So it is hard but of course YOU CAN DO IT.

(Sep 20 '13 at 20:07) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

Allah SWT instructs us to be moderate:

“And (the people are) those who are neither extravagant nor miserly. They are the moderate (people).”(Wasa’il ul-Shia) 

Now it is common sense and plain reasoning that moderation applies to everything! Even our love for another person in this world. This man is just like all of us, just a man. Ther are things that you do not know that Allah SWT knows, so He shaped your path in this way. Maybe He diverted you from unhappiness. Think about that. TRUST Allah SWT. Strengthen this aspect of your deen. May Allah SWT direct you.

(Sep 20 '13 at 20:15) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

Assaloualaikoum. Jazakallah for all your comments. Any surah you know I could read to help me in this situation?.

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answered 101 karina's gravatar image

Assalamua'laikum my sister,

Perhaps you may try Surah An-Nisa' in Quran and read the meaning of it?

I am praying you will find your suitable husband. Ameen.

(Sep 28 '13 at 01:11) Muhammad I Muhammad%20I's gravatar image

Salaam sister.

What I can recommend to you is to do the following:

Strengthen your trust in Allah SWT. Without the trust, you will not find peace within yourself. You will not have confidence with which to deal with events in your life.

Do you want to seek out help from mere people or from the All-Knowing, All-Wise? A calamity can strike our personal lives at any time but when you have TRUST in Allah SWT you will not buckle, you will remain steadfast and strong throughout its duration and once you are through it, you will see why this has befallen you. Do not ask ‘Why?’ Allah SWT works in miraculous ways and when He wants to teach you something or guide you to something, He has an unbelievable way of doing this. Allah guides us in big and small ways but we have to be tuned into Him. For those who care to seek Him out, He is always there.

Allah SWT says:

"Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying), I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me." [Surah Al-Baqarah, 2: 152]

Allah SWT also says:

"And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones."

[Surah Al-Baqarah, 2: 155-156]

To help this trust to grow and develop always ask Allah SWT for this with a sincere duaa.

Here are 7 practical steps to help you face any difficult situation:

  1. Salah. Make sure you stick to praying on time – 5 times a day. Never miss a salah and do your best to pray each Salah with sincerity as if it’s your last salah in this world.
  2. Read Quran. This Quran is so beautiful that no matter what difficulties you face you’ll find solace in it.
  3. Make Dua. (The best one is found below and is provided in Arabic and English)
  4. Give Sadaqah. Give lots of charity, as much as you can, because it helps push away hardship. And if you can’t give money, even kind words or physical sadaqah can do (i.e. helping people physically or emotionally).
  5. Set Goals and Have Vision. Don’t let shaytaan play with you and keep replaying the video of your hardship in your mind over and over again, move on! Set new goals, new projects, and remember you’re with Allah, nothing should stop you!
  6. Wake up Early. Wake up before fajr and work on your ideas and projects, or simply read Qur’an. Getting busy before day break is a definite way to move away from your hardship and overcome challenges. Get most of your ideas/work done in these early hours, these are blessed hours.
  7. Hardship is Not Lost. Remember, Allah will never forget the injustice/hardship you faced, so don’t worry about seeking revenge or trying to get justice

Refer to the invocations from the Qurán and Sunnah

http://www.dar-us-salam.com/inside/056-Fortress.pdf

There are excellent invocations in this book. Look at the following invocations:

when you find something becoming difficult for you 45/page 71

for anguish 37/page 66

in times of worry and grief 36/page 65

to seek Allah SWT’s protection 50/page 73 ( this invocation is to seek protection of children but can be adjusted to include yourself and any other family member, just add names)

for before sleeping 30/page 55

You need to browse and see which supplications you are seeking out. I add the supplications to my Fajr prayers in the morning and Isha at night. I always use the protection supplications. They work and praise be to Allah SWT.

The medicine for sorrow, grief, anxiety and depression is this dua: (also it is in the Fortress of the Muslim list of invocation included above)

Narrated Abdullah ibn Mas’ood, that the Messenger of Allah [SAWS] said: There is no person who suffers any anxiety or grief, and he/she says:

Translation:

“Oh Allah! Indeed I am Your slave Son of Your male (my father) and female (my mother) slaves My forehead is in Your Hand (i.e. You have control over me) And Your Judgement upon me is assured, and Your Decree upon me is just I ask you with every name that You have named Yourself with Or revealed in Your Book (Quran), or taught to any of Your creation Or kept with Yourself in the unseen that is with You That You make the Quran the life of my heart, and the light of my chest And the banisher of my sadness and the reliever of my distress.

Allah will take away your anxiety and grief, and replace your sorrow with joy.

The companions asked: Ya Rasool Allah! Does it befit for us that we learn these words (i.e. this dua)?

He replied: Absolutely. Whoever hears of it should learn it.

[Musnad Imam Ahmad]

May Alaah SWT make it easy for you. Ameen

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answered 5205 stronghold's gravatar image
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Asked: Sep 15 '13 at 09:25

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Last updated: Sep 28 '13 at 01:11


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