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salaam, i am a british convert, married to a pakistani, we have been married for 13 years with no children, his family are putting pressure on him to marry again just so he can have kids, but i cannot allow that, and he is fifty fifty if he should do it or not, one side he will upset them if he does not, on the other hand if he does he will lose me

asked 0543146 UnknownUser's gravatar image


Salam. The subject is a very sticky one. No matter what anyone says it is a difficult one for everyone involved. I have known many couples that have dealt with it several ways. Some decided to divorce (as you would demand/request), others decided to try and make it work and yet others have added a sister-wife to the family. The ones that stayed together without resolving the children issue (with invitro etc) always wound up separating at a later date, which is very sad. The ones that decided to take on a sister-wife are 2 groups. One group it worked out perfectly where the first wife (many of them westerners) took an active role in caring for the children so much so that they were more loved by the children then their biological mother, a very happy ending for everyone involved. The other other group worked out initially, however at a later date they decided to not get involved with each other. With each wife living as if she is the only wife with a husband that isnt there every other night. This type of situation also worked especially in the sense that non of the associates and family members of the western first wife ever new that their son-in-law had another family. You have to decide which path is yours, if you really love your husband you must obviously realize that he has a natural need to procreate, in eastern/middle-eastern cultures that desire is much, much greater then it is in western societies. If I knew more about you I would give you advice on which would probably work best for you, but I know nothing about you. Several things to consider, how much do you really desire to remain with your husband, another is your age, as well as the realization that most men you will meet will wan to have kids, so that if you divorce you will face this situation once again, unless you wind up marrying a man that was previously married and has kids already and is divorced as well.
Allah knows best.

answered 10 moegreenjr's gravatar image

wa alaikum el salaam, you want to please Allah sister or yourself? in both case if you please Allah, Allah will pleases you for sure. and if so, then do not prevent him from 2nd marriage since the production of more people on earth is the will/plan of Allah from us. so do not let his kinship cut at him, and notice that the kids is one of the decorations of this world beside the money as mentioned in Quran.. and do not prevent him from having a righteous kid who make du'aa for him after death(and by so his good deeds will not be cut from world after his death). As long as he do not forget your rights.. Actually, I guess he will be more nice to you. and if you accept this then try to enjoy and be nice with his second wife.. and do not make wall between you and her but better be her helper and she will be yours and enjoy with her you future life.

And an advise for you is to make "istighfar" = ask Allah's forgiveness, by saying "Astaghferoullah" (I ask Allah's forgiveness) with certainty that Allah will reply/respond to you as He promised.. as He said on the tongue of prophet Noah; "Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever Perpetual Forgiver. He will send (rain from) the sky upon you in (continuing)showers. And give you increase of wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers."(Quran 71:10-12) istighfar is the key word of all success, and prophet Muhammad get use to do istighfar 70 and in another narration 100 times a day.. and he peace be upon him was not doing sins and Allah said that he forgave his former and coming sins (the sin for the righteous is different than our standard, for them they feel that whatever they do of good/best they still did not worship Allah as He deserve).. so make for your self a daily istighfar and its response inshaaAllah will be soon. and know that the rule is; " ...But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not."(2:216)

In my opinion, and I know all women will disagree with me, I think the best thing for to solve the problem of the increased rate of divorce is that the women accept that the multiple marriage for men. and if so all will be happy. (though I have only one wife, and she will never accept another one;) may Allah guide us all to which is better. Al Salaamou alaikum

answered 387116 inclined2truth's gravatar image

You didnt mentioned why are you childless? is he or you infertile? if he is medically fit than he may go for second marriage to have children for his future

answered 03 saleemkhan's gravatar image

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answered 0 taiseer's gravatar image
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Asked: Sep 16 '13 at 08:12

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Last updated: Oct 11 '13 at 06:38

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