Asalamwalakum Okay so anyone please don’t be judgmental after reading this. However, I need actual and helpful advice, or dua’s or anything to help me with this. So, I have been facing many problems since I was at a very young age, and have changed so many schools so far, the amount is unthinkable. Now I am in 10th grade, and I was caught texing a guy and my parents are very strict and they doesn’t even want to look straight at my face or talk to me normally. Everyday it’s just interrogations and I end up in tears, and been overdosing myself. I just don’t know what to do, my parents and I never had a good connections ever since the age of 7. Now you might say I am wrong and I shouldn’t be talking with this person, only if I ma serious and want to live the rest of my life with him. Yes, I do, and that is why I am still keeping connections with him. I don’t want to hurt my parents as well, but they are doing the most hurting to me. What can I do to have a new start to everything and fix these problems that I have since I was a kid? I do pray to Allah (SWT) whenever I can, but in this lecture, I heard that if an individual only comes to HIM, at their worst times then their voices are not heard. Now I don’t exactly know if I am one of those individuals, I hope not. Inshallah one of you can help me with actual Islamic advice or nay good advice/comments. (I just gave one of the reasons why they are disappointed with me, but that’s the only reason they are mad at me so far). I also wonder why am I the only child who tends to face the most difficulty at home? Please positive and actual good comments/ advice Wasalam.
As-salam alaykum sister,
Do you live with your biological parents? Why do you pinpoint age of 7? What happened at that time? Why have you changed so many schools?
The answers to these questions could help in providing you with a helpful answer but I will proceed regardless and insha Alaah, it may be of some benefit.
First of all, your age is still quite young...16-17? and the way you perceive things at present will change dramatically even once you hit 19 or 20. You see your parents as strict but it seems that they are only trying to guide you according to the Islamic ways and it is their duty to do that.
Now it seems that you have your own ideas and these don't quite fit in with those of your parents. So this is causing you some distress, right?
Do you know why you have turned to an Islamic site for assistance? Because you know that you will find the source of true guidance based on Alaah's law, not on some man-made flimsy ideas which could steer you along the path with a street named LOST.
So alhamdilollah that you are at the right place. Alaah SWT guides those whom He wills and allows others to stumble along as if they were blind.
Whether you realise this or not, you are quite concerned about YOU. This is good. It shows that you can see your own behaviour for what it is, the good and the bad of it. It's an excellent attribute to have as this means you will reflect on your thoughts, words and actions in life. Of the things that you have mentioned, these are a concern:
Overdosing- Never, ever go for this thoughtless option. It is a haram action. It will not get you anywhere but in great trouble in this world and the next. You will achieve nothing. .Allaah says :"And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is Most merciful to you. And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire…" [al-Nisa' 4:29-30)
Be obedient to your parents. They wish you well. They love you and take care of you so reciprocate by being respectful and of kind words.If you want to demonstrate that you are mature and able to make sensible decisions, engage in civil, thoughtful talk with your parents, listen to what they have to say. Their age gives them much more life skills and experience than you can claim to have. And Alaah SWT says:
“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [al-Israa’ 17:23]
Stop being preoccupied with this young man. Stop texting. You wish to get married? Then go about it the Sharia way. Do not hide things behind your parents' back. Deal with things the right way. Alaah will never bless your actions and give you the outcomes that you want if you are doing haram things or opposing your parents continuously. Pray Istakhara prayer and ask Alaah to guide you in this matter of marriage. Let Him decide what is good for you.
Do not pray to Alaah SWT only when you are feeling troubled times. That's right, don't be like the ones who are heedless and haughty. For these people, when things are good, they rarely remember Alaah SWT. Pray your 5 namaz prayers on time, glorify Alaah SWT for He will be your best Helper throughout your life.
And in order that you are showing Alaah SWT that you are constant and always thinking of Him, don' t be of those who remember Him only whe some calamity strikes them.
Alaah SWT says: When trouble touches a man he cries unto Us (in all postures) lying down on his side or sitting or standing. But when We have solved his trouble he passes on his way as if he had never cried to Us for a trouble that touched him! Thus do the deeds of transgressors seem fair in their eyes! (10:12) This is what the lecture that you attended /listened to was trying to convey to you. It is good that you picked up on it and thought about it.
In summary, you are wise to wish to start fresh and mend the past. You can do this if you are comitted to it and are prepared to change your ways. Think about it; When a certain form of behaviour keeps bearing the same negative results, you need to change this behaviour in order to attain the desird results. So commit yourself to respecting your parents, being obedient to Alaah SWT, turning to Him in all matters and being patient. Things will not change overnight but if your intentions are good, they will change. Patience.
May Alaah SWT guide you and show you the way.
salam sister, beleive if or not they luv u so mch dt it shocked them when they found out about d text, not toking to them about him will complicate things and make them loose their trust in u. Open up to them n tell them evrythin they want to knw, and wn u have told them, tell they its very difficult for u opening up to them but u had to do it for Allah n to make them regain their trust in u. Obey ur parents, there nothing beter for u dn that, dnt wory wn u becom a parent too u'l understand then.