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I hope I get a clear picture through this. I know this girl for 7 years n liked her before alot but since she left abroad for 4 years didnt think marriage would happen at that early age I was 23 n now im 27 and she came back n I realised that I still like her n now I love her for the peraon she is . Meanwhile when she was abroad I got engaged 6months back. I told my parents about her now because I want to make a halal relationship with her and get married to her. Previously before she left we were together for maximum close to a year n we did get involved physically little bit when till now I ask forgiveness from ALLAH . We know we did wrong and sincerely repent it. I want to have a halal relationship with her. I mentioned about her to my parents but they are not agreeing because they say its haram to know the girl for that long and get married and also because my parents have given a word to the father of the girl I got engaged to. Where I know there is nothing called engagement in islam. I love my parents n I love the girl because we both have changed for good and come closer to Allah . My parents are forcing me to get married to the other girl and going ahead with the preparation without my consent. If I try to convince them or say no they say such hurtful things that I dont know wat to do and jus keep quite. I really want to get married to this girl I love but is it right to leave the house till my parents get convinced or pray n beg Allah more and watch the preparations happening in front of my eyes and wait for Allah's miracle to make it happen and cant say anything because it will hurt my parents . Please tell me how to convince them in the right way.

asked 101 usmanalinoaman's gravatar image

Someone please answer to my question and show me the right way

answered 101 usmanalinoaman's gravatar image

Salam, Well, this looks like a real problem. But you gotta think this through step by step, or everything'll get muddled. Now, you can't marry the girl your parents want you to marry, because, let's face it, you don't want to. You'll probably get a divorce sooner or later anyway, and you'll always be thinking 'bout the girl you love. Try and make your parents see this; tell them your not in love with this girl anyway, so there's no point in getting married to her. Ask them if they actually care about your feelings. Beg, if you have to. Sometimes, you shouldn't look to the future, and shouldn't think about what will happen and the consequences of things, but this isn't one of those times.

answered 519 answerer's gravatar image

Thats wat I have been doin begging but they are just not agreeing n telling me things like they have already given their word so it can't change n other reasons like they know that once I get married to that other girl eventually I will go ahead n b happy n forget the girl I love. Ive been trying so hard to convince them n feel horrible at the same time to see them hurt because of me but its not a small decision its about my life. I dont know if I should take a bold step of leaving the house so they stop not that I will runaway or get married widout their consent but they are just not agreeing and putting all sorts of limits they dont let me go out thinking I will meet her n will get brainwashed again n again try to convince them and they've taken away my phone so I don't keep in touch wid her. Ive been trying to convince them to jus meet her once because everything is jus fine wid her n mainly she has been a zariya for me to get closer to allah n im automatically away from things I shudnt do. I jus don't know watelse to do or say to convince them. I hav said the things u hav mentioned above like a 100 times but they are jus not agreeing and I don't want to get married to that girl.

(Sep 27 '13 at 15:23) usmanalinoaman usmanalinoaman's gravatar image

Well, you don't want to do anything you'll regret, like running away or marrying your loved one without your parents' blessings, or you might have to live with it and might think about it all the time, get stressed, blame your loved one and then start problems. All you can do is pray to Almighty Allah, and keep on begging. Tell your parents everything you just told me.

(Sep 28 '13 at 11:46) answerer answerer's gravatar image

Also, ask them if they want you to lead a life where you don't feel comfortable, or to marry a woman you don't love. Tell them that they're forcing you to do something you don't want to, and you feel trapped and as if there's no way out. Tell them that, if they make you marry someone you don't love, you will never forgive them. Tell them how you feel. You have to communicate. TRY and PRAY, brother. And keep trying.

(Sep 28 '13 at 11:48) answerer answerer's gravatar image


Well, if you are already working and have your own jobs or means of money, I think you should make your own decision of who you want to marry to. Leaving your house or runaway is not a solution, it asks for more trouble later.

I have argued with my parents a lot before simply because they still consider myself as their small child and start respecting my decision when I showed to them my firm decision and my resolve. Runaway definitely are not one of the resolve, and how to show it, depends and differs in each family.

Marriage in Islam provide a simple solution, if you cannot settle with you wife, you can divorce in a proper way, it's a Halal thing that Allah hate (the divorce), so keep that in mind.

On the other hand, zina and adultery are Haram, you know that better than me.

If you want my advice - based on my experience, when you make your decision:-

  • BE FIRM and BELIEVE IN ALLAH. If you cannot find a way out, do some solat ISTIKHARAH, doa's, make your action and TAWAKKAL, so that you do not regret of what will happened after that;
  • don't let other peoples dogma get in your WAY and in your LIFE;
  • take into account the Syariah' when you make your decision;
  • don't 100% follow my advice, DON'T TAKLID with my advice, my life is my life, your life is your life, this is just my guide, make your own decision because it's your problem.

After I have made some plan and took action, I always leave myself and my future to Allah. You can never know what you do is right or wrong unless you cross with Syariah law. It's life but you have to prepare.

Hope that will help you, I'm treating you as a man. Your family remind me of my childhood.

answered 271 Muhammad%20I's gravatar image

Jazakallah brothers for your help. But after doing all this they are sitll not agreeing and hurrying up with the arrangements for marriage wid the other girl in 2months so that I dont try convincing them anymore n when all the arrangements are done n the time is close they would jus tell me that I have to because everything is done even though I keep reminding them that I will not get married or come on that day but they also know that I wont leave the house or runaway so they will jus say a million emotional thing to make me go ahead. I seek forgiveness from allah for my parents n myself for dis wrong action will is taking place but I dont know watelse to b done.

answered 101 usmanalinoaman's gravatar image
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Asked: Sep 21 '13 at 19:02

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Last updated: Sep 29 '13 at 07:09

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