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Salam!  I have had questions roaming around my head for over 10 years now.  I had sex with numerous men in my life before marriage. Mostly because they would say love me & wanted to marry me & they wanted proof of my love & the full proof is making love... It happened once & twice then he deceived me & left me & took away my virginity .  I was on for a husband hunt & everyone of them would wine & dine & sleep with me then leave me.  I always got heartbroken . I had a cousin from my Fathers side of family who we were both like best friends & shared all our secrets .  It ended up that we became attracted to eachother & we too had sex. I was in love with him & we spent alot of time together . I got pregnant from him , which we ended getting an abortion on 5-6 weeks baby. It was a very painful experience for me which I still can not forget even though I am a mother of 2 kids & married to my spouse who is out of family .  The reason for the abortion was due to getting disgraced in the family . & we could not get married to eachother at that time because he wasn't financially stable or had a good job. I myself was 20 at that time , studying & working .  I still have pain in me & guilt of what happened .  I have painful flashbacks how the procedure (abortion) was done & how it effected me morally & spiritually  .  Me & cousin didnt get married for several reasons .  He's married with kids & so am I .  I realized that I loved him more them he .. Or maybe he never did . Allah knows better , only I need to get  Help by relieving this pain when I remember it. I usually remember it all during sept. 8 oct 4 In which all this happened over 10-12 years ago.  Pls help me seek guidance ! I have asked forgiveness from Allah! Even I shared with my spouse before nikkah that I had an incident in my life which is very painful for me . but I didn't  disclose he was my cousin.  My question Is did I need to pay blood money?or can I still? What dua Is there for my aborted baby?   

asked 101 Safa81's gravatar image

Salam sister,

Every day you say - many times:

‘In the name of Allah, the Compassionate the Merciful’.

Now is the time for you to live your life in a manner that shows to all concerned that you truly believe the words you speak. Think about them. Think about them very carefully; and for as long as it takes for you to realise how wonderful they are!

The words ‘If Only’ are the most futile in any language. You can do nothing about the past; so live for the present. Live for your husband and for your children. Be the best you can be, and trust Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) to help you. By the way, this does not mean that you should forget the child that was lost; or that you should cast the memory aside like an old rag. Let the memory drive you to better behaviour. You honour your child best by living a good life.

As I understand it ‘blood money’ is paid to the relatives of the person harmed. You are that relative, so why would you pay yourself? If you wish to make some form of restitution (and if you can afford to do so without depriving your family) then perhaps you can donate a sum to a charity that cares for orphans; or help to feed those who are hungry. If you cannot do this, then be kind in other ways. Whatever you do, let your intention be to please Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la); and strive always to make a habit of this.

I’m sorry, but I know of no dua for your child (others might). Bear in mind, though, that your child was entirely innocent, and has no need of prayer.

I hope this helps.

May Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) give you peace of mind; and continue to show love and mercy towards you.

answered 0543145 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Salam! Thanks for your sincere advice. Inshallah I am trying to become a good wife & good mother too. I am also trying to overcome this incident , inshallah Allah will forgive me by doing Tobah. We do give charity but especially for this purpose I have not , if you may know of any exact amount for this cause? JakhAllah for everything.


Salam & Dua

answered 101 Safa81's gravatar image

Salam sister,

From what I have read the process of making Tawbah involves:

Recognising our mistakes and sins

Feeling remorse and shame for our failure to submit entirely to the commands of Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la)

Making a promise never to repeat such behavior

I cannot look into your heart, sister, but from all that you have written I truly believe that you have done all of these things.

Since you know of Tawbah you will know that it is a process of transformation, involving righteous deeds:

‘….unless they repent, make amends, and declare the truth. I will certainly accept their repentance: I am the Ever Relenting, the Most Merciful.’ (Al-Baqara:152)

You ask: ‘What is the exact amount that one should give for this cause?’

I don’t know that there is an ‘exact’ amount. I like to think that The Lord of Mercy cares less about the value of that which we hold in our hands, and more about that which we hold in our hearts: Our intention to do what is right; our desire to please Him; our sorrow when we fail; our readiness to start anew, confident in His undying support.

Just a suggestion:

Having received compassion and mercy from Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) strive always to follow His example by showing – on every occasion – compassion and forgiveness to all those who harm or offend you…..not just today, but always.

This will be a hard test (especially with two kids!). You won’t always succeed (we are none of us perfect), but with the strength that He alone can provide, you will be able to keep on trying.

There’s a verse in the Noble Qur’an that I would ask you to make your own:

‘So remember Me: I will remember you. Be thankful to Me, and never ungrateful’. (Al-Baqara; 152)

Who are we that the Lord of the Worlds should say to us (to each and every one of us – face to face, so to speak): ‘Remember Me: I will remember you’?

I guess we must be pretty special.

May Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) bless you and your family for all of your lives.

answered 0543145 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Salam! JakhAllah ! Inshallah I will make these noble verses my own. May Allah Subhana Taala accept my good deeds & forgive my sins---Ameen. I live for my Kids & inshallah I will make them good human beings. Also I shall donate to an orphanage or a child in need. Would you suggest anyone (Muslim family ) in need ?

Be blessed & may Allah give you all his blessings for the guidance you provide for us people in numb sake ! Ameen !


answered 101 Safa81's gravatar image

Salam sister,

Looks like you have a plan!

There are a number of charities that work with orphans: Zakat Foundation of America; Muslim Hands; Islamic Relief; Muslim Aid; Orphans in Need

Each of these has a website.

I’m sure you will do everything you can to make your children good human beings. No one can ask more than that of a Mum!

Go to it, sister! And may Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) be with you always.

(Oct 04 '13 at 02:41) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Salam! JakhAllah' I will look into these organizations & invest as much as I can . Hope Allah Blesses me with awards & forgives for any of my wrong doings. Inshallah !

Be blessed & may Allah be with you always.


answered 101 Safa81's gravatar image

Salam sister,

Thank you very much for your best wishes.

Be happy, and kind to yourself.

Again, may Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) be with you always.

(Oct 05 '13 at 09:19) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

There is no dua. You need to repent and build your life. Dont look back.

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image
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Asked: Oct 03 '13 at 03:13

Seen: 1,380 times

Last updated: Oct 05 '13 at 09:19

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