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This problem I have is affecting my health. I have searched for many years for a husband, and eventually went onto a muslim dating site, on internet. This too was a long arduous process of elimination. One man i met, who lived in Germany, as no success in UK, we talked for about 2 months. He is Tunisian, and he applied for a visa, but it was refused. So after some time, i decided to go to visit him, in Germany. Only with the intention of meeting in the flesh and getting to really see what he was about. I had to go on my own, as no family members could come with me. ( Im a revert, only muslim in family ) On meeting this man, he said we had to do niqah, before spending time together. I felt comfortable with him, as i had seen him on skype every day for 2 months previously.I didnt really want to do this, but agreed to comply with his wishes.It was performed in a back room, with a mulanah, and he had 2 male witnesses, me none !!! I hated this the minute I got in the room, I know this to be wrong and it has played on my mind ever since., thus my health is failing too, and for another reason,,,,, My so called husband, has now blocked all my calls to his mobile, he will not talk to me on skype, and has disappeared for a week at a time, twice now, without contacting me. He reappears, by him calling me. He wanted me to do a REGISTRY MARRIAGE, BUT I HAVE FLATLY REFUSED TO DO. He wanted me to go live with him, until I refused to do the registry marriage. And now I dont think he wants me at all, I feel he does not like me , and he certainly does not like talking to me any more. I have asked on numerous occasions,for him to release me and divorce me. I defiantly dont want to be his wife, as i feel i have been used. Also he is not working, nor as he tells me has a home at the moment, he stays with friends.???,, I do not trust him and I have realised many lies now that he has told me. PLEASE, PLEASE, what can i do,, i need this man to let me go. But he has disappeared again.. I even contacted the mullanah and 2 friends of my husband s to help me out ( in Germany ),,, but none of them replied. Im in the UK, and stuck, apart from venturing over to Germany, to see mulanah,but i have no money now to do this, for maybe a long time. Even so, how can I get this man to release me, for divorce.

asked 3488 abyadgirl's gravatar image
closed Oct 11 '13 at 23:12 sadie ♦ 1.6k315 sadie's gravatar image

Depends how you want to play it:

Any valid marriage in Germany must be performed at a registry office, regardless of whether there is to be a religious wedding ceremony. Priests, ministers, rabbis, imams, or consular officers may not perform a legally binding marriage in Germany.

Those intending to have a religious wedding must have their civil ceremony (at a registry office) first. Your ‘husband’ broke the law when he held your ‘ceremony’ first.

(Oct 04 '13 at 11:13) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

According to UK law (I am a UK citizen) your marriage is also invalid, since it did not follow the correct process according to German law.

Both the UK and German governments would regard you as a single woman; and would permit you to marry some other person, without incurring a charge of bigamy.

(Oct 04 '13 at 11:13) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

f this is not legal regarding uk and german law, am i legally, islamiclly, married by niqa to this man in Allahs eyes, cause i feel absolutely dreadful about all this.

(Oct 04 '13 at 11:27) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

are you saying , i am a single women, and not married, even the niqah was wrongfully performed and not legally binding in Allahs eyes.

(Oct 04 '13 at 11:36) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Salam sister,

I am saying that according to UK law you are not married, for reasons I have explained (as you know, even UK Christians must have a civil ceremony before their marriage is recognised by the state).

I cannot safely advise you regarding the status of your ‘marriage’ according to Sharia.

Contact the website of the Sharia Law Sharia Council UK.

(Oct 04 '13 at 12:06) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Here is a quote from that site:

A. Marriage in accordance to Islamic Law (Sharia) in the United Kingdom

Contact your Husband and ask for an Islamic Divorce. This divorce document can be prepared on plain paper, signed and dated by your Husband. Also it needs to be signed by two competent Muslim witnesses. Their full name and address should appear on the document. You do not necessarily need this document endorsed by a Mosque or Shariah Council.

(Oct 04 '13 at 12:06) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

If your Husband refuses to issue an Islamic Divorce. Contact the Shariah Council on the above address to get a divorce application form. By applying to the Council you may get an Islamic Divorce.

Give them all the fact of your case, and let them advise you.

I have to go now, but will look again at your post tomorrow, inshallah, to see what else you have to say.

(Oct 04 '13 at 12:06) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Salam sister,

I've just spoken to the Islamic Sharia Council who assure me that your marriage is valid under Islamic law, regardless of UK or German law.

I suggest you now apply to the website I mentioned for a divorce. Inshallah, I'll speak with you soon to see how you are getting on.

Sorry this is such a rush.

(Oct 04 '13 at 12:52) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

ok, after your previous message about shariah council, I wrote an email to them. The problem is getting the divorce. The procedure is long winded, and because i dont have an address for my husband , nor know of his where abouts, it seems unlikely they will issue the divorce. It will have to be advertised in a local news paper in his country, but he will never see it or even reply if he did see it.

(Oct 04 '13 at 15:07) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Thanks for your help, and efforts, and initial interest, as i have been feeling terrible about all this, after discovering my husbands true nature. I just dont understand why he would keep me hanging on, and not want to divorce me, if i cant be of any use to him, and the fact that im so sure he dosnt like me !! If i knew he liked me and kept talking to me, i think i would not feel so bad. But his dissappearences are making me worry, and suspicious, which really isnt my nature to be like this, ( suspicious ).

(Oct 04 '13 at 15:24) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Oh dear. Have been on the road for a few hours. Something nagging at me about your case; it's to do with the fact that you went alone, without a guardian. I'm assuming you've not been married before? Normally a guardian is needed, and there may well be other matters concerning reverts. It's not clear-cut (never is in law!!). Won't say more at this stage, but have thoughts that need clarifying. Working on it. Will get back to you, inshallah. Meantime, have a good weekend. I'm Welsh....tend to be like a dog with a bone!

(Oct 04 '13 at 17:21) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Thankyou Paul, you have been most helpful. I wait for your response. I have had another reply also, with maybe the answer to my problem, but i will wait to see what you say also. I am indeed, needing all the help I can get.

(Oct 05 '13 at 04:51) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Salam sister,

I'm very glad that brother Falsal has contacted you. Although I do not have his degree of knowledge on these matters I do suspect that he is correct when he says that your marriage does not legally exist. I've spoken to my son, who lives in Morocco. Although he specialises in Qur'anic and ahadith exegeses rather than jurisprudence he has contacts, and has promised to research on your behalf.

(Oct 05 '13 at 09:33) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

My son will email me when he can, inshallah. I trust him. As soon as I can I will get back to you. Inshallah, between us we will resolve matters sooner rather than later. May Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) guide us to a just and proper end.

(Oct 05 '13 at 09:34) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Thankyou again Paul, I will wait , and Inshallah, your son can help advise too, If brother faisal is right, which in my gut , tells me he is right, as I knew there to be something terrible a foot, but could not be sure as to what, I will not do anything till 100% sure. Funny, Morocco, was a place I thought of disapearing myself too, in due course!

(Oct 05 '13 at 12:01) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

"other" what does that mean? do you mean conflicting answers? couldn't let the woman close her own question?

(Oct 12 '13 at 08:22) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image
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Guys n girls I have made it very clear. She does not need a wali/guardian. As explained there is a difference of opinion. A women does not need a wali to get married especially anyone above 25. Please stop confusing her. Please follow the process through to reach the right outcome.

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image

so she is "legally, islamicly" married? so she needs to pay the sharia council their 400 pounds. are you a judge at a sharia council in the UK?

(Oct 11 '13 at 14:20) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image

Again abul rauf, your questions demonstrate either ignorance or a way of causing confusion and trouble. 400 pounds for an islamic divorce in comparison to legal divorce cases which runs up to millions is very very cheap. Every service has a cost. I have no connection with the shariah council. But this is the process. As her marriage is a valid marriage it needs to be done through a process which will determine the right outcome. I am not an islamic judge and being an imam does not make you one. I think this topic has now expired so it needs to be closed.the sister if she need further assistance can contact me.

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image

faisal, you didn't just accuse me of trying to cause confusion and then say her costs would be in the millions in a secular court. clearly she has no need for a divorce lawyer, she has no custody or asset dispute. here in florida you can get a divorce for about $200. not sure the present exchange rate to pounds. anyway, it looks like 400lbs is right in line with the secular courts in england.

does the council give discounts to people on government assistance. did you watch the undercover report on the councils? looks like the link is gone.

(Oct 15 '13 at 17:08) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image

google "sharia councils panorama investigation". it claims they waive the fee for the men often, but not the women. the one judge is funny. the woman says her husband beats her and he asks if she isn't making him the foods he likes for diner.

(Oct 15 '13 at 17:10) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image

Sister im an imam . Its clear that this person attempted to use you to come to the uk or is lost. Allah knows best.

Ok. In terms of you are Majboor:difficultu/legitimate reason. He does not have to divorce you. You can divorce him yourself and break this marriage as you have no choice. Just email him and tell him you no longer wish to be married and divorce him on that basis. Legally your your marriage does not exist. Im from london in UK. If you need any advice or support email me on and I will help inshallah. Hope that helps

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image

Thankyou, I have sent you an email, with my remaining questions,

(Oct 05 '13 at 04:53) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Salam, brother.

Thank you for helping. I am very aware of my limitations in this matter; and of the need to give sound advice in cases like this. I was so afraid of raising her hopes, only to have them dashed. May Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) bless you for your timely and most welcome intervention.

(Oct 05 '13 at 09:37) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Email: (written in spaces) F a z 3 7 4@g mail . C o m .

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image

my heart with you sister for the big trial that you are facing, may Allah show you the good/ease in this hardship!!I think he wanted to use you to get visa and live in England. I am asking Allah to replace him to you with someone better/best that you deserve. I asked someone and I am waiting his reply about your case. and as soon as I have a reply or answer I will in shaa Allah post it to you.


answered 387116 inclined2truth's gravatar image

SubhannaAllah, I am overwhelmed by the responses, and I thank you for your sincerity. I await for your reply. I am indeed feeling the pressure and heartache, but with all the help, my burden is lifting off slowly. I have delt with this alone, as i have not talked to anyone about all this. I have not even told anyone I was married. This is because I felt something was not right, right from the start.

(Oct 05 '13 at 18:51) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

:) Elhamdoulellah!! Allah loves you sister, because you found it in an early stage before it gets more complicated. it is a good lesson for you and elhamdoulellah It did not weaken your faith in Allah.. may Allah increase more and more to you(and me) from the light of Iman and certainty.. so you/me be always agreeing/pleased with His will.

(Oct 05 '13 at 20:04) inclined2truth inclined2truth's gravatar image

My faith is as strong as ever, and i know this to be a lesson to be learnt, as all tests in life i have embarrassed them all. Though i do wonder if I am failing my tests, or passing with flying colours. Still, I have done some serious research since all this has happened and inshaAllah, i will not fall victim again. Also , the visa business, i have learnt alot about. It has even made me think about doing Hijrah.... something i have wanted to do for a long time,,,,

(Oct 07 '13 at 09:56) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Salam sister,

My son has got back to me, with apologies for the delay. What he has to say will probably come as no surprise:

One of the three ‘pillars of marriage’ is that in order for her marriage to be valid the woman must have the approval of her guardian (her ‘wali). Our Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ‘Any woman married without the consent of her guardian, then her marriage contract is void…….and also: ‘There is no marriage without a guardian.’

Since the sister in question did not have a guardian her so-called marriage contract has no legal effect at all. Her ‘marriage’ never happened.

The sister cannot get a divorce, simply because she has not been married. However, there is nothing to prevent her from contacting the man by email (as suggested by her imam) stating the facts of the matter; and confirming that she no longer considers herself to be bound in marriage.

My comments:

I’m quite sure that my son is correct: That you have never been married, and therefore do not require a divorce. However, since you have been in correspondence with brother Faisal you ought to continue to follow his advice.

It’s time for you to relax, and get this matter out of your head. I’m so very glad for your sake that you are free.

May Allah (Subhana wa Tal'la) now grant you the peace of mind and heart that you deserve.

answered 0543145 UnknownUser's gravatar image

Thankyou brother, Paul, This is what I have actually felt like, as if i am not really married. But at the same time trapped. I am pleased, that no matter what i can just now walk away from this.And that i am not bound by his ties, in any way. May Allah bless you for your help in this m,atter, and for your kind words. Thanks again.

(Oct 08 '13 at 03:11) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Very glad to be of help. As the father of three lasses I was horrified by what you had to say in your original question. Now, put on your boots, and just get walking!!

(Oct 08 '13 at 03:17) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Nancy Sinatra? paul, so now she needs to find a muslim guardian, or she can never be legally married? so grown women can't decide who to marry? this religion holds women in a perpetual state of childhood. subservient to men at every turn. first fathers or uncles or brothers then husbands.

what if she had sex with her husband? is she then a fornicator? 100 lashes?

(Oct 08 '13 at 16:35) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image

This is for Paul,,,, I had this thought, and after now reading abuls comment, well!!!! I am a mature women, 48 years old,,, does this still apply that i have to have a guardian ??? Shariah council just say i have to do a khula application, no information from them otherwise. But what they are asking is for is£400 to submit it!! and I have to have an address of my husband, which i do not,,,, else the application is futile. If i can truly walk away without paper work, then this is good, but i am still worried, because of my age.

(Oct 09 '13 at 04:08) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Salam sister,

Ignore abul. His name is Mike and he's no friend of Islam. He is certainly no friend of yours. It’s despicable that he should use your situation (and your distress) in an attempt to score points against Islam. Make no mistake; this is what he is doing.

A Muslim woman (regardless of her age) who has been married before does not require a guardian to arrange a marriage, but does require one for the ceremony itself.

(Oct 09 '13 at 04:32) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

A lass who has not been married requires a guardian for all stages. The guardian is there to protect her against the kind of exploitation that you have been subjected to. It does not mean that she is a dummy!

The case is clear: Your ‘marriage’ did not occur, and for the reasons I’ve spelt out. Follow the advice of brother Faisal. Keep a record of all that has been said here (copy and paste into your computer, if necessary); and then close your question. You do not require assistance from the Sharia Council….certainly not at £400 a pop!

(Oct 09 '13 at 04:32) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

Thanks Paul, may Allah bless you dearly......and may Allah have mercy on Abul/ mike.

(Oct 09 '13 at 04:58) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Many thanks, sister.

May Allah bless you, also.

(Oct 09 '13 at 05:38) UnknownUser UnknownUser's gravatar image

abyadgirl, paul is right. my name is mike and i'm no friend of islam or any religin for that matter. but that's not important here. anyway you should watch the video link i posted. certainly in the uk there are women organizations and even government agencies to help protect women from exploitation. even if those who mean to exploit claim to be "scholars" or "judges". don't let them use your fear of sinning to shake you down. paul is right again, especially at 400lbs a pop. sorry if i added to your distress, that was not my intention. i'm a "what if" kinda person, so i thought it was a reason-

(Oct 10 '13 at 13:14) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image

able question. now unfortunately the question then comes to mind, that if you had previously been married, would that not now validate your "marriage" to this german, eliminating the need for the male guardian? do marriages as non-muslims count, or marriages (for females) to non-muslims count? see this is why i don't like islam and more specifically sharia. and the hudood part is even worse.

thank you for your well wishes, but i'm an atheist, so no need to waste you calls for mercy on me. but i do appretiate the thought. hope everything works out for ya. goodluck.


(Oct 10 '13 at 13:24) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image
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(Oct 11 '13 at 10:13) abul rauf abul%20rauf's gravatar image
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Asked: Oct 04 '13 at 09:45

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Last updated: Oct 15 '13 at 17:10

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