I have committed multiple large sins a couple of years and since then I have realized my mistakes and have tried my hardest to repent and ask for forgiveness. Some of my relatives have known about these sins and have always used them to blackmail me with so that I will hide the sins they are currently committing or just to get their away with anything. They are constantly harassing me and insulting me based on these sins and spreading rumors about me that have ended some of my friendships. I have gotten to such a low point that I've become seriously depressed and considered commuting suicide multiple times. The only thing that holds me back is my religion and fear of my actions. I feel that I cannot tell anyone about my situation because they will immediately judge me ony situation and the sins I've committed. How should I deal with this situation? I have asked Allah for help and guidance but somedays it's just so hard to keep going.
Dear slave of Allah,
let me give you a good news from Allah:
Good news to you! Allah promises you RELIEF:
"So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,
Verily, with the hardship, there is relief"
(i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).
Good news to you! Allah also promises you:
"Allah burdens not a person except [with that within] its capacity."
Allah also informs you,
"Alif, Lam, Meem
Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested?
And We indeed tested those who were before them.
And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true,
and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars"
Dear Slave of Allah,
It pains me to see you in this difficulty, and I pray Allah releives you of your burdens.
First of all, no matter what do not commit suicide.
Slave of Allah,
Remember that this life is a temporary journey, which will soon be over.
Do you know that Allah loves the good doers and has prepared for them paradise?
Therefore, strive for that, and in'sha'Allah Allah will give it to you.
Do you think Allah is blind or deaf that He does not see you or hear you?
No! Neither has he forgotten you, nor has he left you.
By His Mercy He continues to provide for you, to feed you, clothe you, and give you everything you have.
Do you think Allah does not know the problem you are facing? Indeed, He knows.
But Allah is testing you, this is a test for you.
Suicide is a major sin.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stated that the one who commits suicide will be punished with something like that with which he killed himself.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be in the Fire of Hell, throwing himself down therein for ever and ever.
Whoever takes poison and kills himself, his poison will be in his hand and he will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever.
Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron, that piece of iron will be in his hand and he will be stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell, for ever and ever.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5442; Muslim, 109.
The Prophet ( peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said:
“Whoever kills himself with something in this world will be punished with it on the Day of Resurrection.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5700; Muslim, 110.
Beloved Muslim, do you think you can escape by suicide?
Have you considered will may happen to you when death overtakes you, when the angel of death takes your soul?
If you are seized with punishment, where will you escape?
Who will save you from Allah's punishment if it comes to you?
Where will you escape from Allah's punishment if it comes to you?
Do you know of any god who can save you if Allah punishes you?
How may the angels take your soul?
Punishment after punishment, and a dreadful torment may await you the moment you kill yourself, so much so that you would wish for a thousand times the problems you are now facing, just to get away from the torment.
Therefore, fear Allah and do not even think of coming anywhere near suicide.
Control yourself dear slave of Allah, and DO NOT COME ANYWHERE NEAR SUICIDE.
Make plenty of dua to Allah. Indeed, Allah hears your dua, and Allah is All Hearing, All Knowing.
Strive to pray your 5 daily prayers.