Now updated: Ramadan calendar -

I'm in the transition of converting, but before I fully convert I know my mate will need to convert as well. The problem is he does not believe in anything.

At all.

I don't know what to do because we've planned our whole future together, even got engaged. Both our parents support anything and all we do. Its just I don't want to force him into something he's not comfortable with and at the same time I don't want to lose him over religion.

Dear Amirah, peace upon you!!

you should know that this world and all that in it is not eternal, and that the Last-world is much better and more last/eternal. Do not let any worldly affair be an obstacle for your forever success.

talk to your mate and tell him that you found the religion of truth and you want to follow it. and that you want to live with him but in the correct way/religion.. and that he should do efforts and see if Islam is truth or not, if he want to live with you. and that you will prefer Allah that any other creature. (so he have to follow the Islam not because of you but because he is convinced with Islam.. and so you will love him more (in Allah).. and both of you will be happy in the both worlds(this life and last life).

Talk to him about how you found the truth in Islam, and update him with your news.. just before you convert let him know that when you be convinced 100% nothing will stop you from doing the right thing for your self and future.. and that if he want to be your partner then he should find what/who was more stronger/beloved/important/greater than your love to him. If you are important to him, then he should seek the way to get you.

and ask Allah's guidance for both of you(because you can not guide him unless Allah want), and that Allah might open his heart to accept Islam by throwing a ray of His light into his/your heart so he might find the way to the truth. Cause truly; "You do not guide whom you like, but Allah guide whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the (rightly) guided." (Quran 28:56)

and good luck and best wishes for best choice and best circumstances for both of you. Salaam/Peace.

answered 387116 inclined2truth's gravatar image

Thank you for your insight.

(Oct 12 '13 at 13:50) AmirahBayyan AmirahBayyan's gravatar image

As a revert myself, many years ago, i too had to make a choice. I left completely all my friends (non Muslim ) and my then lover, ( non Muslim ) rid all my non Islamic possessions and completely changed my life style. It took literally no thinking at all. If you are taking the path to enlightenment, to Islam, then take it seriously. Allah planned that you become Muslim. Even though you have planned this whole future with your partner, it may not be what Allah has planned for you. If your partner is not inclined to Islam, then , leave him, and rest assured your life will improve, inshaAllah, and a new life will emerge into something far better. Remember, there are plenty fish in the sea !!! I dont want to sound harsh or brash about what I did, but I took Islam as a sign in my life and a changing point that I simply had to embrace. If you do to much thinking , this will make you hesitant, and Shataan, is probably right there whispering in your ear, dont do it, stay with him,,,,, and your heart maybe telling you , move on, start a fresh ,,,,, always listen to your heart and your gut instincts. May Allah guide you, and if it be Allahs will, your partner become Muslim too.

answered 3488 abyadgirl's gravatar image

Thank you for your insight.

(Oct 13 '13 at 11:50) AmirahBayyan AmirahBayyan's gravatar image

Salaam dear Amirah. I can see how your situation stands at present and for a similitude in experience, I feel for you and want to help you make the right decision.

It IS a major decision facing you.

This has to be thought out all so well, because your life, your happiness and your inner contentment are at stake here.

I fully understand your dilemma and the choices you are facing.

Make it a good choice Amirah, for you want to be happy. I am saying, happy in ALL aspects of your life....this is important.

Of course you know surah Al Fatiha. Why do we recite it at the minimum 17 times a day?

Look at this line in BOLD:

In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds:

The Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful:

Owner of the Day of Judgement.

Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) was ask for help.

*Show us the straight path:*

The path of those whom Thou hast favoured; Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray.

You are seeking this STRAIGHT path because your heart wants it. You are feeling this overwhelming dilemma because you want what is good for your soul but you have the option of going in a different direction.

This happiness that you presently see with your future partner, this is what you need to look at more closely.

Let’s look at LOVE. You know that it is felt most intensely for another person when initially in the relationship and when one is young. Then it becomes a comfortable, contented feeling....that immense passion becomes more stable and it isn’t crazy love any more. Life, without a doubt will bring its high and its lows. When life is good, well one can manage it on one’s own; hey it’s good so we are naturally happy. When life brings its lows of varying degrees, as it does to each and every one of us, then we tend to spend more time looking at our situation and need and seek out support.

Who else can give you that support but your Lord Alaah Almighty SWT. He will give support whenever His slave turns to Him for He says:

"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him. He will make a way for him to get out (from) every (difficulty), and He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine." (Qur'an, 65:2-3)

Naturally, in life we also turn to our partners as that is one of the support mechanisms of marriage, to support each other through good and bad. If you cannot share your belief system with your partner and together seek the help for both of you from that very same source, the one and only source, ie Alaah SWT, then, how will you achieve happiness? How will you be content?

I have read both of your questions.

Your second question carries a hint of scepticism with it. I understand this feeling. But rise above it. You are not weighing up happiness against religion. No, it’s much more than that.

This I can tell you: Your happiness with your partner is not a sure thing. It may be OR it may not be that at all.

YOUR happiness with Alaah SWT on the other hand, IS a sure thing.

And a partner that you can share your thoughts about Islam with is worth gold. You will speak the ‘same language’ and carry same values and understandings. Raising children in Islam won’t be an issue. A multitude of things will be easy. Do you wish to have an easier, blessed life or one of a struggle?

'God desires ease for you, and desires not hardship' (2:185)

What do you wish to choose for yourself?

Speak with your partner. In the event that he shows even a hint of accepting Alaah SWT then go in that direction BUT make sure that your partner has accepted Islam and is practising from the heart PRIOR to marriage.

If not, do you have the strength to choose that STRAIGHT path to walk closer towards Alaah SWT or will you go for the non-believing partner?

To me, the answer is simple and it should be for you as well.

Have a look at this:

(9:23) O ye who believe! Choose not your fathers nor your brethren for friends if they take pleasure in disbelief rather than faith. Whoso of you takes them for friends, such are wrong-doers.

If Alaah SWT tells us not to take our very own disbelieving family for friends, then how about choosing a disbelieving partner for a husband?

There are so many implications in being with a non-believer. A non-believer is the furthest one can be from Alaah SWT.

I truly wish you all the best in your decision and may Alaah SWT guide you through this and bless your chosen journey in Islam.

answered 5287 stronghold's gravatar image
edited Oct 13 '13 at 01:23

Thank you for your insight. Its not that I'm doubting its just the fact that some don't know the full extent of our story and feels like everyone is pretty much saying 'if he isn't Muslim, then he isn't for you.' and they don't know how either of us got to this point in our lives, where we're looking for guidance of some sort without it being forced like it has been for so long on us by both our families. I will take all of this in and hopefully, I make the right decision.

(Oct 13 '13 at 11:49) AmirahBayyan AmirahBayyan's gravatar image

I think Allah is pleased that Muslim´s say that he should come first, but I know that he wants you to live your life by doing your things first of all... If you want to worship him, then do so.. And if you want to care about him, then do so.. For in the end it does not matter, the thing that matters is living your life first of all.. It does not matter if you believe in Allah or Elohim or YHWH or the Father, the thing that matters is to live your life.. If you don´t have faith in him, then get some faith in yourself first of all so he can reward you with love. And then you will reward him with peace lik NO JIHAD ATTEMPTS and babies... And if you don´t have faith, then that´s a thing to get by finding yourself first of all. That a person does not believe, he is just uncertain in it. Don´t make him choose a religion, he has to find it himself... That´s what is called LIFE, finding yours.. Tell me this ain´t tuff, for it brings you to love... And love will conquer all, for without how can there be good... Love for your fellow and letting him live HIS life. He has gotten a road in his life from God, and if that´s finding yourself then he has to find himself. All need to find himself before they can come to God. "No man come to the Father without me.": is said by Jesus...

answered 0543146 UnknownUser's gravatar image
edited Oct 13 '13 at 05:15

Thank you for your insight.

(Oct 12 '13 at 13:51) AmirahBayyan AmirahBayyan's gravatar image
Your answer
toggle preview

Markdown Basics

  • *italic* or __italic__
  • **bold** or __bold__
  • link:[text]( "title")
  • image?![alt text](/path/img.jpg "title")
  • numbered list: 1. Foo 2. Bar
  • to add a line break simply add two spaces to where you would like the new line to be.
  • basic HTML tags are also supported



Asked: Oct 12 '13 at 00:59

Seen: 1,017 times

Last updated: Oct 14 '13 at 12:27

©1998-2013 Publications and Research.       All Rights Reserved.