Assalam O Alaikum I married with a girl living in my village (arranged marriage). She was about 17 years and I was 27. I went to Sweden and I took her with me. She got sick, and I spent a lot of money. I was expecting she will take care of me and will cooperative, but each time I found her quite 'immature'. After a year, we went back to Pakistan and I started serving as teacher in a university. From the very beginning, we were struggling for a kid. She fought with me many times, and I was often complaining for her immature behavior with my guests, relatives and her lack of cooking skills and other home activities. I most of the time was patient and tried to teach to her how to be a good wife. I was never cruel/abusive with her, but at the same time I reminded her, that I was not happy with her. I informed her mom that I was not happy from my wife and if she could advise her for our better life. I had told about our conflicts to her aunt as well because she was very close to my wife. I was patient, kind and avoided 'Zulm' as it is not allowed in Islam. Instead, each time I talked to her and advised her. 3 years later, I went to Italy for further studies, and started visa processing for her. It took about one and a half year to get her visa and I spent more than 3 Lakhs rupees on the process. In Italy, just 2 months after her arrival, she stole gold jewelry from our flatmates. They caught her while I was in university, and my wife admitted her in front of them and me. She had lost some of gold and some original documents. Being her husband, they extremely embarrassed and insulted me for my wife's act. In compensation to the loss, I payed them 5 lakh and 50000 Pakistani Rupees (4200 Euros). In the meantime, I realized and she admitted, she had stolen money many times from my purse. As a result, I sent her back to Pakistan. In all of our marriage life, I gave her my time, always spent money on her health, dressing, food and took her on trip to few European countries and I was expecting her to be a good housewife and take care of me and my house. My question is two-fold: 1) I want to divorce her.She has betrayed me in abroad, during my most important study PhD and after I spent a lot of money on her. She gave me a lot pain and insult. I know, after divorce, she and her family will be in big trouble as it is a matter of honor for them. But I still want divorce in a good manner if Allah will not punish me for this and I want to re-marry some one else. Is it a sin to divorce her? 2) If I marry with another girl and keep current wife (if she wishes so) but I don't promise my first (current) wife equal rights 'insaaf' (e.g. equal time). Will I still still be required according to Islam to give equal rights to my first wife?

asked 10 naimat's gravatar image

Asalaam Alaikum brother

I am 100% not qualified to answer - but advise that you instead try asking at IslamQA.com & various local imams etc. if you are able to do so for a clear & well substantiated answer...

You obviously already know this, but just a reminder:

1) Islam permits Divorce should the need arise (There are many instances where the companions divorced etc.)

All the same, it is first encouraged to attempt to reconcile the situation, with mediators from each family if so required.

If divorce is still thought to be the best solution - then do so in a handsome manner. Such that if you were to meet them in the streets - you would be able to do so without issues. Remember - you are still brother/sister in faith regardless of your marital relations.

2) You are obliged to be just with your wives...

  • The Prophet peace be on him, split his Nights etc.
  • The permission of more than one wife is conditional upon being able to justly deal with them (right there in the verse 004.003)
  • Severe punishment for one who is not just with his wives on the Day of Judgement

Try Islamtoday.com & Islamqa.com for answers to similar question as yours by qualified people & adequately substantiated answers

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answered 102 HumbledSlave's gravatar image
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Asked: Oct 17 '13 at 11:14

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Last updated: Oct 17 '13 at 18:40


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