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Asalaamualikum,

I know how important mothers are in Islam, and how I love my mother alot and although she can be a very nice person sometimes, most of the times, she is rude, argumentative and has a very very foul mouth. She and my father are in a volatile relationship and argues the only reason she has stayed with him is so we don't grow up without a father-it is a comment which she consistently reminds us every day. Everyday day with her ends up with the whole family having arguments. InshAllah we are better Muslims because of our mother- but her constant vicious, out of hand physical arguments are getting out of hand. We have surah al baqarah on repeat in our house to cleanse it but somehow in the end, my mum picks arguments over the littlest of things, and even when she has a right to complain, she involves all her children and screams and shouts at all hours of the night. My brothers and sisters put up with this because they have a stronger bond with her, but my relationship is far from what they have. It affects me more because I care more-because I grew up a sensitive child, she curses my fathers parents, she is an embarrassment because she curses and fights and bitches about my father to absolutely everyone! I've been diagnosed with depression and its affecting my health-I have a serious disease but she disregards this and constantly compares to me to her neices-I am no different from them apart from my health.... All I need is some advice, I'm sorry this question is long but I need someone to try and understand the position I'm in before replying. Are mothers always right? Do they deserve the same respect even when they are not in the right? I guess what I need to ask is, what are the consequences of me hating my own mother for what she puts our family through on a daily basis? jazakallah khair

asked 111 WahidaB's gravatar image
edited Apr 25 '12 at 21:30 NesreenA ♦ 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image

Are mothers always right -- No

Do you have to love/respect/care for them even when they are bad - Yes

When don't you obey your mom/dad -- only when they push you to disobey Allah.

Whats they consequences for hating/disrespecting -- hell.

Is your mother evil or a bad person ? -- NO . This is work of the Shaitan and her faith being weak.

As mentioned jn the Quran 4 times, "ehsan El walidayn" , and mentioned right after obeying Allah. Prophet Muhammed (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said Stay by her feet then rewarded heaven.

If they treat you wrongly, then that's when Allah will punish them. Let your brothers that are close to her to help her . Guide her into turning to prayers and remembering Allah at all times. Playing Surat al baqarah is not enough to take all this away. There should be more. Prayer - read - dua - help the weak etc etc ...

As for your depression , yes - most probably you are and I know how you feel , but remember no doctor can help you. When your eman and faith are stronger, it will all go away. Allah puts us through tests of patience, and also, puts us through times that alone we cannot handle , so that we can leave everything and go back to him.

Just ... be FORGIVING and PATIENT.

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answered 1603 petrolhead's gravatar image

I agree with the advice already given and I would just like to add since I have been through similar experiences. No, mothers are not always right because all are humans and we all make mistakes, but since Islam regards them highly it is our duty as children to give them respect. Your mother may be acting this way due to her environment, upbringing, a past experience but whatever the influence, you must seek to be good and through your actions if she still does not realise her own wrongdoings then perhaps you can talk to her friends and ask them to try to make her understand. As a child it is hard to be seen as a person with influential capabilities and hence she may not take notice of your actions but if you strive to do what you think is right according to Islam i.e. pray to Allah, treat others and her especially with respect, then surely you are doing the best you can as a Muslim, the rest is up to Allah. And even if things don't turn out alright, you should discourage these actions and persuade your family to put up with this and exercise their own patience and tolerance. Try to find out by talking (or via siblings/mothers friends) why your mother acts this way and what it is that infuriates her so. If you can change that then hopefully things can improve, if not then you shouldn't let this put you down. Everyone has their share of troubles but equally we also have support and hence you should talk to others, they don't have to take action but it is good to get this kind of stuff out especially when your mother is not there to listen.

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answered 43415 Mim4040's gravatar image

great response.May Allah reward you . Also the five daily prayers are a source of comfort through communicating with our Creator.The second pillar of islam. Fasting is a form of restraint and it teaches us to deal with the difficulties of life. The prophet said obey your parents unless they do something against Islam. Dont raise your voice to them. May Allah help you. In allah ma' sabereen. Allah is with those who are patient.

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answered 111 newmo123's gravatar image

great response.May Allah reward you . Also the five daily prayers are a source of comfort through communicating with our Creator.The second pillar of islam. Fasting is a form of restraint and it teaches us to deal with the difficulties of life. The prophet said obey your parents unless they do something against Islam. Dont raise your voice to them. May Allah help you. In allah ma' sabereen. Allah is with those who are patient.

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answered 111 newmo123's gravatar image

i think you must look at the way she is raising you to be a better muslim or not i know it may seem to you that she herself isnt being a good muslim when she curses and causes physical harm but think about the times when she does help you think about how she was paitent with you when you were in her womb when she curses gently remind her its unislamic when she begins to yell remind her allah grants reward to those who are paitent and explain to her that a little problem can be fixed or fix it yourself so she can calm down and stop yelling about it and take this advice for yourself allah grants reward to those who are paitent and pray to allah that she herself becomes paitent and pray for yourself that you keep your paitence the reason that you should respect your mother isnt based on how she treats your father but on how she treats you and siblings and put yourself in that situation its a very difficult situation so remember to keep paitence and remind her to hkep her paitence

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answered 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 24 '12 at 19:53

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Last updated: Dec 22 '12 at 16:54



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