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I have found out that my husband has been watching dirty videos online. I knew he used to but I had thought that after we performed Hajj he had stopped. I was shocked to find out that he continues to, the first time I found out was when I was expecting our first child, Alhamdulilah I had a smooth pregnancy and our doctor never forbid us from getting physical till the very end. I was shattered as I was going to a huge physical and mental change whereas on the other side my husband was watching naked women. I went ahead and confronted him about it, but he got angry and said it is normal guy behaviour, every guy does it and it is insignificant.I tried to explain him how hurtful it is as a wife when I am always available in the next room but he couldnt understand and we had a huge fight. I moved on and thought things will change once he becomes a father. Now after our childs birth I found out that he still does that. This time it has really hurt me, knowing that this is what my husband is indulging in when my baby and I are asleep in the next room. I dont understand why he cant come to me if he has any desire because I am through my recovery period. He chooses to do this when I have went through so much physically and I have never said no to him since we have gotten married. I have lost respect for him as he always claims that he wants to become a daee. I have been so disturbed since I found out that I dont want him to touch me. I feel like leaving the house when he is due to come back from office so that I dont have to look at him. Please advice me what I should do.

asked 1514 troubledwife's gravatar image
edited Oct 29 '13 at 03:48

Salam sister you live in the Uk?

(Oct 31 '13 at 21:49) Faisal26 Faisal26's gravatar image


May Allah protect all muslim brothers and sisters and homes from such evil. Your situation is not unique, such problem exists in many homes. Both you and your husband need support. And the best support is Allah's support.

My advise:

Don't hate him, don't curse, don't fight, don't leave him for now. Just help him, become a mentor and pray alot for the success and protection of your entire home. Pray for him that Allah guide him.

Keep the house clean. Ensure income is Halal. Ensure music is not listened at home. Ensure there are no Statues or pictures of living beings hanging on the walls at home.

If you have internet access and youtube is accessible, there are numerous scholars whose complete lectures, small reminders and guidance is available. Look for names like Zakir Naik, Mohammad Salah, Yusuf Estes, Khalid Yasin, Abdul Rahim Green, Bilal Philips etc. Huda TV from egypt is an excellent resource if you can get otherwise its programs are uploaded on youtube as well. Contact scholars, consult, seek advise from religious scholars.

Recite Surah al Baqara every 3rd day in home. Say bismillah when entering home. Say bismillah when starting any task. Wake up for Tahajjud and pray to Allah while prostrating. Recite Ayat-ulkursi + surah ikhlas, surah falaq, surah annas after every fard salah.

This is also related to how his mental programming was done. His subconscious mind is occupied with these thoughts. There is a religious connection needed here.

I recommend you to get a book "What to say when you talk to your self" read and see if it helps. He does not realize there is a greater responsibility on his shoulders. May Allah guide him, He must make sincere Tauba.

Read Quran at home with good translation if arabic is not your native language. Also, get Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim.

Don't loose hope if you done see instant results. Time is the tool Allah has given to us. Do your job and leave the results to Allah.

I ask Allah to help my brother and become a true success Amin.

answered 3312 brotherym's gravatar image

Thank you very much brother. I will follow your advice inshAllah.

(Oct 31 '13 at 02:36) troubledwife troubledwife's gravatar image

Please visit above site and get in contact inshallah we will be able to help you from there

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image

Sister there maybe a deeper problem. Extreme sinning is related to sihr as in black magic.

Please visit:

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image

SalaM the reason why advise you to speak to a raqi is because I know someone that had the exact same problem and he was struggling to do the right thing, he constantly was sad by his marriage n shaytan was attacking him. He went Umrah, went on holidays regardless what he tried to do he couldn't stop looking at women, talking to other women etc . eventually this brother lost control and did something silly at work and destroyed his whole career. It was only after all this madness he took someone else to see a raqi and found out that he was the one with extreme Sihr.this was there to destroy his life, his marriage, destroy his career, stopped him from moving forward. Your husband sounds just like . Always justifying why its ok to do wrong. My dear Sister. Get him checked before he ruins his life. It doesn't matter how much you help him. If there is Sihr it needs to xmbe removed through ruqya. Jazakallah for reading.

answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image
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Asked: Oct 29 '13 at 03:10

Seen: 2,679 times

Last updated: Oct 31 '13 at 21:49

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