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salam. A woman died in delievery leaving an infant now 3 years old ,an elder one now 4 years old and elder 3 daughters. The husband married a 2nd woman who psycologically and mentally ill. She tortures her step children very brutally. She beats them with stick sometimes take their hands to fire and burns .they cry cry and then she intensifies and comand to shut.tears roll down their cheques and they cant even cry. Marks of torture and burns are visible on their faces and other body parts.the husband is too weak to stand for and he is mostly out of home for his work. It s a poor family and live with me as tenants. I ve my sleepless night specially the younger one as they are the main and soft targets. I several times interfered and confronted the woman but in vain as the man asked me to stay away from his home afairs though he admits it s too much yet he fear the wrath of the lady and use the kids as sheild. Now two days back he took the 4 yrs old to a religious madrassah and left him there. Bt the other are still being victimized. I want ur help and advice from every one plz what ways can we rescue the innocent creature thanks

asked 1816 arsalan86's gravatar image

call the police. are there no government agencies to protect children in your country?

(Oct 30 '13 at 12:16) mikejm mikejm's gravatar image

Mike good idea :) however this is the last options she can choose from.

(Oct 30 '13 at 12:26) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

should be the first. a parent who abuses kids has no right to be a "guardian".

(Oct 30 '13 at 15:35) mikejm mikejm's gravatar image

Salaam sister, I like to glance at Islam.com befor leaving for work and usually have limited time to make any replies BUT this needs urgent attention.

Tears come to my eyes as I read your post and it's only morning for me.

Thank Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala that you are interveaning and seeking help in order to help these children for they MUST be helped.

It is the duty of every Muslim to step in and intervene to protect the innocents, they do not deserve a life of torture and punishment.

I cannot imagine what this father is thinking, as a man and the head of the house he should assert his authority. It seems like you are in a country that has no support mechanisms for Child Abuse and this is a demoralising state of affairs when there is nothing there to protect the children.

I URGE you to approach an Imam or several pious men (you canbe accompanied by a family male member or your husband if you are married) and tell them this story.

Without any delay, they should act and approach the father but in a calm and positive manner. Does the father attend the mosque for prayers? They could talk to him after the prayers or come to the home and ask him to join them outside away from the home. In this case, only one of the man should appear at the door, the others can wait out of sight, for you do not want this woman to suspect anything. With your help they can be guided to come at the time when the man is at home. They must talk to him, explain that they are there to support him all the way and first and foremost, with the father's consent (and the men are the witnesses to his consent) REMOVE THE CHILDREN FROM THE HOUSEHOLD.

Surely, there are good relatives from the father's side who would take the children until the matter with the sick woman is resolved. The urgent message here is, REMOVE the children with the father's consent. These children need love and care as do all children.

No child, EVER, should be mistreated. It doesn't matter who they are, what creed, colour, religion......children MUST BE PROTECTED.

If the father does not have any good, kind relatives to take the children on a short term basis, then is there a temporary home that they can go to, a family who is willing to help?. You will be DOING GOOD. Protect them from the evil that they have to live with, protect them from the pain and torture inflicted upon them, can you imagine how terrorised they are? They have just entered this world so to speak and look at what it has become for them. And they are INNOCENT.

The men should support the father all the way. Here, he needs tobe advised that HIS RESPONSIBILITY IS TO PROTECT HIS CHILDREN.

The woman in question, well this IS good grounds to go for divorce. This man needs to be supported. Wrath from the woman? He needs to stand up strong but he will not be able to do it without the help of others. The children can return once the woman is gone. I cannot see any other solution to this dangerous situation.

And Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala said:

So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him]. 93:9

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala guide you in doing the good of helping. Please let us know how things turn out. Salaam.

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answered 5236 stronghold's gravatar image

Wow stronghol! That right I was going to post something like this but I didn't have time do I write it quickly. I am not sure about the divorce I think that when first a women born and if she doesn't have children they act like this because they don't have their own children. I will say the wife need to be advice instead of choosing last option

(Oct 30 '13 at 16:04) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

Sister, I thought hard about this suggestion of divorce myself as I drove to work and it weighed on my mind as I know that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala allows divorce but it is one of the most hateful things to Him. So I did think about what other options I could have given. The problem here lies in that the woman could have a psychopathic mental disorder and if left unchecked could result in serious physical injury to, or even death of a child, not to mention psychological damage which is most probably already there to a great degree. If the woman's mental faculties are in order,

(Oct 31 '13 at 03:37) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

....which I greatly doubt as no human being would be so callous to a child/children if they are of a healthy state of mind. My prime concern are the children. Add to this they are orphans. If the father wanted, he could keep this wife but she should under no circumstances be with the children. As the children have no mother, it is the father's dut to live with the children and not with the wife if he was to keep her. I can't see how this would work. These children are entitled to love and protection.

(Oct 31 '13 at 03:44) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

Sister, another comment I need to add....nobody should act like this woman, no matter what the circumstance. Only a callous, compassionless and hard-hearted individual could do such acts of cruelty. It should never be excused.

(Oct 31 '13 at 03:50) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

Sis if you married then tell you husband to talk to her husband., if you not tell the grown up to do this. Hipwr husband need to find time for his family and children. . The wife need to be arvice in same time advising her husband(mention the punishment and it a biggest send to out your hand up in innocent children) Tell him/her that Allah he will punish him what they are doing to creation it Allah . There are a lots of things your can protect the children I will be giving you more idea but later on. Lastly talk to the police or scare the parent off that the police will take their children if they don't stop.

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answered 63628 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

The child should be advised with patience and wisdom instead of beating or spanking. Source: Prophet (SAW) said: "Whenever tolerance is added to something it beautifies it and whenever it is withdrawn from something it leaves it defective."

Read more

http://muttaqun.com/abuse.html

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answered 63628 Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

salam.first of all let me clear that i m a brother not sistr. wonder where has the fault occured that u people presumed me so. Thanx a lot for displaying interest and taking pain for the little victims.may God bless with a big reward . Going through ur sugestions i ll count them one by one and explain its effectiveness or othrwise. 1st the police s help cant be fruitful as we ve a very complicated law system and cant b expected to give justice. If arrested she d come out within a few days on bail owing to the loop holes in the law. And may that this act lead to a more agressive behaivour of the woman. 2nd divorce .i ve once discused with the man but he declined on the plea that it s a stigma for a man to ve his wife divorced. Meaning thought to b a dishonour in our society .so the option droped. A 3rd option i advised him to take and get her admited to a mental hospital.i even paid him some money as expenses. She got suspicious on the way and ran back. Removing the children . I ve brought home one daughter and is living with us.bt she does not allow others to live locally and says it s a disrepute for me. So in the given sitiuation the father took the eldr brother to a madrassa. He lost the company of his youngr brother his home and every thing where he ll get religious education. This s a tragic story not yet finished. I m intervening and ll never let things go as such still i take extra care and fear lest by geting offended they shift to somewhere else.then we ll ve no access. The woman when quarel with the husband make the whole vilage gather there and see the spectacle.she insult him and cal im names.she keeps the kids without food for the whole day long.at the moment i m hairing the noises.

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answered 1816 arsalan86's gravatar image

Asalaam o alaikum, Brother, I think firstly the question is, where do you live. Am I right , you have a girl living with you, and a boy left at masjid, to a non religious family?... I can only say this, if divorce is out the question, and it seems the husband is needing help and taking you up on advice, I would certainly go for the option of committing her to the mental institute again. But this time, you would need to do it in another manner, careful planning is needed. I find it horrendous that this women involves the village in their disputes and mocks the husband so openly. Are their other villagers that can help and support you in this task of protecting the children, or getting this wife some serious help, or to the mental institute. How is it that these villagers can sit and watch such atrocities, to the husband, and im sure too then, they must be aware of the torture these children are under. As regards the boy being with non religious muslims, ( this if i understand you correctly ) is better than suffering abuse. For in time, and inshaAllah it wont be to long, the boy will be returned home, and know Islam again. My duas go out to you and this family. May Allah give you the strength and perseverance to continue your plight.

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answered 3487 abyadgirl's gravatar image

my only other suggestion is to off load the children remaining to the masjid, to someone who can care for them, like what was done before. Does this women question where or why these children are no longer living in the home. Also, someone with knowledge of her condition should talk wisely to this women, maybe in front of a crowd. See if she has any remorse for her actions.If not, then really there has to be some legal action you can take, surely all laws in any country recognizes child abuse.

(Oct 31 '13 at 06:54) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

Also , if she were to be arrested, and returned in a day or so, this would give you ample time to take the children to safer living quarters. Then it remains for the husband to think about divorce. Surley, Allah would not want this man to suffer by a wifes hand as he does. This is one of the signs of Quiyyamat, women over ruling men. Im sure too, Allah would understand and the community too. After all, everyone seems to know what is going on. Community's should not be an influence or a stigma, to prevent ones own safety. Divorce is allowable under these circumstances.

(Oct 31 '13 at 06:59) abyadgirl abyadgirl's gravatar image

correction that the children ve nt been handed over to non muslim rather one eldr brother has bn admited into a muslim religious madrasa

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answered 1816 arsalan86's gravatar image

Salaam brother, May Allah SWT bless you in trying to protect the children.

Apologies for making the error of referring to you as a sister.

After reading your second post, I can see that you are being cautious and for all the right reasons. What you said makes sense, and may Allah SWT guide you and show you the way with this. A duaa or a supplication to Allah SWT will provide you with the right path to solve this. As much as I can help, my thoughts are as follows:

It cannot be a bigger dishonor in a society to be divorced than it is to be a beater, an oppressor and a mischief maker, for as from what information you have provided so far, the woman is all of the above.

Is it possible to empower the father by trying to explain this to him?

Support it with Quranic references:

Allah SWT says (meaning):

'Those who do evil deeds, the recompense of an evil deed is its like, and humiliation shall spread over them and there will be none to protect them from Allah. Darkness will cover their faces as though they were veiled with the dark blackness of night. These are the people of the Fire and in it they shall abide'. (10:27)

'So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him / her]'.(93:9)

Tell him that he is doing more harm to himself (not to mention the children!)by accepting the injustice of what is going on. He should fear Allah SWT more than this. This is a test for him. He needs to take over the authority of the household.

Try to explain to him that as the whole village already knows about the character of the woman,(and I suspect they know exactly what IS going on .... (the scars on the children!)) he is humiliated more by staying with her as she is quarrelling openly, calling him names...it can't get much worse than that for him when it comes to retaining his dignity.

Really, it seems like the only way out is to convince the father to take control even if he has to move to another village. It is a sad situation. I'm thinking how mercyful Allah SWT is in that he has chosen you for their helper. They are very fortunate to have a caring person such as yourself as it seems there is not much support coming from anywhere else.

I don't know what else to suggest. I will pray that the children stay safe and reunite under happier circumstance.

May Allah SWT bless you.

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answered 5236 stronghold's gravatar image
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Asked: Oct 30 '13 at 12:00

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Last updated: Oct 31 '13 at 08:37



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