Salaam many times I hear muslim men claim that men are superior to women I want the proof for this statement or proof against it.
Most males have taken this ayah 4:34 and used it to abuse women and this is not what Allah azza wal jall had ment in this ayah. What I'm going to do is break the haqq down into segments , for the information is vast and i want you all to get a clear understanding inshallah. The first misconception we must deal with is, "Men are Qawwamuna over women." (sura 4:34inpart Now let's deal with the arabic word qawwanuna, The root of the key word Qawwanuna,which is the plural of qawwam, is Qama, which means: "To stand or to make something stand or to establish something. A related word is Qa'im which means: " One who stands or makes something stand." So basically it means, one who is continuously standing over, a guard, a caretaker, to make something stand as supporting it. In the Qur'an the usage of qawwam and related words always presents an idea of propriety, for example: Aqamah of salah is not only praying but also praying properly. Also, Allah azza wal jall , has stated in the Qur'an in 5:8 and 4:135, " O you who believe, be qawwamin with fairness." and " O you who believe, be qawwamin for Allah as witness to fairness. to be Qawwam over something or someone is to guard, maintain or takecare of that something or someone in a proper and fair manner. The best english word to describe what Allah has said would be guardian.
Now allow me to show you what shaykh Muhammad Abdul Haleem said on this topic: In arabic lexicography,the expression qama ala means merely, " Maintain her and attend to her affairs. The hadith also elucidates the meaning of qawwama at the time of the Rasul saws. A companion of the Rasul saws explains that he chose to marry an older experienced woman because he had young orphaned sisters and he wanted a woman, " taqumu alayhinna" and to gather them and comb their hair."( reported by Jabir bin Abdallah) Thus to be qawwam over something or some isto guard, maintain or takecare of that something or someone in a proper and fair manner. The word denotes no superiority but responsibility. RESPONSIBILITY IS NOT SUPERIORITY! A correct and accurate translation of Qawwamoona AAala alnnisa, therefore would be, " Men are the protectors and maintainers of women." A husband has the responsibility of taking care of his wife, protecting her, defending her honor, and fulfilling her needs regarding religion and her worldly life. It does not mean-as all too many people have falsely assumed-that he has the right to behave obstinately towards her, compel her, subject her to his will, suppress her individuality, and thus heinously negate her identity. His status as a protector and maintainer is pure responsibility, pure liability, and not so much a position of authority. It requires from him that he uses his good sense, thinks carefully about what he does, and exercises PATIENCE. It means that he cannot be hasty and offhanded in his decisions. The muslim woman is a believer and Allah tells us in the qur'an in sura 42:38, that the believers handle their affairs by mutual shura consultation.
Beloved sisters and brothers the qur'an describes the believers as those who affairs are conducted by consultation. This is a general and permanent description that was revealed in Mecca before political life was started in Medina. Naturally it applies to the most basic social unit, the family. Islam emphasizes the importance of taking counsel and mutual agreement in family decisions and affairs. Allah gives us an example in sura 2:233. Reported Abu Hurayra the Rasul said: The most perfect of the believers in their belief are those with the best manners, and the best of you are those who are best with there wives.
Reported by Jariyah bin Wahab Khazad and Abu Da'tid the Rasul said: Allah detests the ja'zari Al Jawwaz, that is, one who is harsh towards his family and who is arrogant."
Therefore sisters and brothers, a man must be always kind and fair to his wife, he must be Qawwam, over the family in a proper and fair manner. Allah knows best. Salaam
Islam considers a woman to be equal to a man as a human being and as his life partner. Women have been created with a soul of the same nature as that of a man.
Allah SWT says in the Quran:
‘O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.’ (4:1)
‘It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created for him his wife (Eve), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her…’ ( 7:189)
‘…And live with them honorably…’ ( 4:19)
’. the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they ...’(9:71)
This means that a wife and a husband are meant for mutual support, mutual comfort, and mutual protection of each other.
And in the words of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW):
"Assuredly, women are the twin halves of men." (Sahih reported by Abu-Dawud RA)
In Islam, women have the right to be maintained by their husbands.
Allah SWT says:
‘Men are the maintainers of woman because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend of their wealth (for the support of woman).’ (4:34)
Islam has provided guidelines that determine the relationship between the husband and the wife so as to create a strong and wholesome society as a whole. The husband and wife relationship should be based on love and compassion in order to create a whole and complete bond to make both find comfort in one another.
As a result both should find peace, love, respect, support and tranquillity in their lives. By creating a healthy bond based on these qualities, they are able to model to their children the kind of life behaviours which will be adopted and applied during each subsequent generation.
The moral responsibility of this modelling of a healthy husband/wife relationship is hig h and it cannot be achieved by a man who does not defend his wife’s honor or a man who has little or no regard or respect. Sadly, some men only model the incorrect type of behaviours to their children and do not adhere to that which Allah SWT has ordered them to do.
The husband needs to UNDERSTAND that he has the greater responsibility of taking care of his wife by protecting her, fulfilling her religious needs and worldly life.
In many other parts of the Quran, Allah SWT informs us and guides us as to the best behaviours of men.
A man’s wife is an extension of himself, for what he finds appealing in her is that which he can relate to in his own character. A man chooses his wife with his own free will. And when one chooses a wife, it is an informed decision. This action(of choosing) in itself is an announcement declaring that the woman chosen is of a fine enough character for him to choose her as his wife, a life partner. He chooses her for the many qualities that he sees in her that are appealing, endearing, likeable and positive.
Any condescending ill treatment of a wife really shows the ungrateful and arrogant character of the man TOWARDS Allah SWT.
For Allah SWT says:
"And among His signs is this: He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (30:21)
Ill treatment of a wife also shows the SHORTCOMINGS of the man, for he is now indicating that he is unable to appreciate good things that Allah SWT has created.
A note to all men out there who do not treat their wives with kindness and respect:
What you should ask yourselves is this:
Do you wish for your fathers to treat your mothers with kindness, respect and love?
Without a doubt, most of us will answer with a ‘Yes’.
But stop and think:
Do you do the same towards the mother of your children? For your children would also answer with a ‘Yes’ if asked this question.
Finally, a bond between a husband and wife can only be strengthened through worship of Allah SWT.
All men and women need to strive to work on improving those aspects of their character and lives which leave room for improvement and this cannot be achieved without Allah SWT’s help.
‘So know that there is no god but Allah, and, ask protection for your fault and for the believing men and the believing women; and Allah knows the place of your returning and the place of your abiding.’ (47:19)