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Assalamoalaekum,

I am married for 9 years and a father of 2 boys and only son of my parents, working in Dubai. My parents live in Karachi. I visit them every 3-4 months. We video chat almost every day. They are getting older and offcourse getting weak as well which concerns me. In an ideal world I want them to be with me which is not happening due to some reasons.

My wife belongs to an educated family. She loves me and is a perfect muslim wife Alhamdolillah and have no issues with her. After the wedding, my mother started to dislike my wife and her family and always had reasons to complain about them. In laws tried to retain the link with us. In her opinion, they were never a perfect inlaws because of the reasons such as (not being rich, not being beautiful etc.)

Mother does not value my in-laws and this has separated two homes.

My mother never liked wife to visit her parents house. She skipped the invitations sent to her, anyone visited from their side was not welcome at my father's house. So inlaws stopped coming. Its only me and my father who visit inlaws.

Mother humiliated, cursed her and her family in their home saying bad things about their family, teasing on beauty and character, objecting about dowry that her family did not give enough and many other things she said.

At the time of first child birth wife was mistreated and was asked to leave the house as well.

My father and I have tried on several occasions to make her understand and stop what she is doing but she is always complaining about them without realizing that Islamically she has no right on her.

I have proposed my father to live with me in UAE but to save my home he does not want to quit job in Pakistan.

I later recommended that at least come here and I arrange another apartment in my same building this way I can take care of both houses but he prefers to stay in his house than being in a separate apratment with me.

My wife does not find it safe for our healthy relationship and kids if we live together. My wife and my father have a very good understanding. She recommended that she leaves and stays with her parents so I can take care of my parents... well this is not what I want.

I want my parents to live a safe, healthy, religiously active life in UAE with me. I find it difficult to get settled in Pakistan.

I find myself in a tough situation since mother fails to understand the rights of each person in the household. Mother also fails to understand that she is not helping build stable relationship so her and my father's old age days can be spent with peace. It is very difficult to keep both woman together in a single roof. I want to take care of them along with my wife and kids but don't know the way out.

Please advise the options.

asked 332 brotherym's gravatar image

Need to be answered plZ

(Oct 31 '13 at 10:38) Bibi Amina ♦ Bibi%20Amina's gravatar image

That is ridiculous. You be thankful for the good marriage you have and work at that. Whatever you can do to please your parents outside of that great but not at the expense of ruining a marriage and potentially the lives of your children as well. You have grown up and have your own family now!

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answered 201 Abc%20defo's gravatar image

That is ridiculous. You be thankful for the good marriage you have and work at that. Whatever you can do to please your parents outside of that great but not at the expense of ruining a marriage and potentially the lives of your children as well. You have grown up and have your own family now!

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answered 201 Abc%20defo's gravatar image

Salaam. Bismillah ALRahman ALRaheem. Do not forsake your parents for your wife, and do not forsake your wife for your parent.

Allah AlWudood created for Adam a Spouse, not a Mother or Father.

Shaitaan loves divorce. Your Spouse was created For you, in pairs, for peace. Sometimes parent in laws can not always control their inner Shaitaan when it comes to their childrens marriage but that is their own problem that they inshaAllah they can fix, and not your own. The feelings of negativity your mother has to your wife is from Shaitaan and from nowhere else, even if there are reasons behind it, negative words and actions are always from Shaitaan. Sometimes we do not agree, but we are never entitled to be negative about it, instead make dua and find the silver lining as it is not our business ultimately and Allah is Wakil.

The love for your parents that is internal shines through as even us strangers can see through reading your post. You can do the best you can to satisfy them but not at the expense of your Wife and Children. Love your mother, even if it is from afar. When the time comes where she is feeble and can not take care of herself at an old age then be sure to provide a support for her, and inshaAllah your wife can understand that the elderly people are like children at times and somethings can not be taken seriously. I have worked in Geriatrics, and the one thing common in the elderly regardless of physical capabilities, is that they do or say negative things that they later do not remember or regret entirely, even if they do not admit to it.

Please, we must break all cultural ways of worshiping the parents, when our Beloved Prophet did not even have parents He was raised by, and nor did most of the Prophets. We love our mothers because they bore us in hardship. No matter what they do we always appreciate them and respect them, but respect does not mean bowing down to your parents every command, even if those commands cause you or someone else jeopardy, spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically. Compromise between the your Wife and Mother and explain to them in kind words your feelings and your ground rules, and inshaAllah a way will be made for you.

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answered 215 Student922's gravatar image
edited Apr 06 at 19:33
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A man must do anything he should to satisfy his parents. Allah wants you to satisfy your parents, and especially your mother. Nothing will happen if you won't satisfy your wife, but Allah's curse will definitely fall on you if your parents leave this world being dissatisfied with their sons.

Do whatever your parents are saying. I truly understand the situation you are in. My father had the same issues, but he took the right path of satisfying his mother. He divorced his first wife, which is my step-mother while he had 2 grown-up children, and married a woman whom his parents liked, and he still takes a good care for his first 2 children.

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answered 577 Anakata's gravatar image
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Asked: Oct 31 '13 at 02:16

Seen: 2,307 times

Last updated: Apr 06 at 19:33


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