This might come as a shock to some of you, since im always so..."sweet" haha... I was molested when I was younger. its ok if you take this off, by all means I have no want for everyone to know about me but I want help. ANyways like I was saying I was, and by someone I knew, someone I was related to, my brother. he was two years younger than me...so I could of stopped it right? I could of stopped it,. but I didn't nothing ever really happened id just wake up at night with my clothes on the wrong way or them pulled up or down. I was 9 and I didn't know what was happening until one night I caught him doing it. anyways this whole mess has really effected me and im just starting to realize it I blocked it out for so long and now its starting to effect how I feel about things for example I want to be hit. I know this is an Islamic site so I shouldn't be talking about such inappropriate things but I need help. ok. other than wanting to be hit I feel hatred towards my brother. im always angry. im always...disappointed and sometimes its pointed towards god why did he let it happen|! why! WHY! PLEASE HELP _UR LITTLE SISTER.

asked 162218 a_mohammed's gravatar image
edited Nov 06 '13 at 13:31

Salam ive sent you private message. Please check and get in contact inshalla so I can provide proper support Inshallah.

(Nov 06 '13 at 16:04) Faisal26 Faisal26's gravatar image

a_mo, sorry too hear this. and if you replied to my PM i will not see it or be able to reply. irfanwho has been banned from the community page by a mystery moderator. go figure. anyway looks like stronghold is talking sense. he does that from time to time. good to hear your mother knows, but have you addressed the residual effects your are felling with her. have you brought this back up in the last 7 years? considering other issues which have manifested themselves in the past, you really should see if you can't get some professional help. problem with session with only allah is he doesn't

(Nov 07 '13 at 11:57) mikejm2 mikejm2's gravatar image

directly talk back. there maybe more than one issue here and trained people can hopefully see what path you may need to go down and what feelings you need to confront. trust issues and feelings of abandonment can be tricky and difficult to deal with on your own. but at some point you have to trust a man. right? you've fought for this guy. don't want to be balled up in the fetal position sobing on your wedding night with your bridegroom scrating his head, wondering what he did wrong.

are there student services at your uni?

(Nov 07 '13 at 12:03) mikejm2 mikejm2's gravatar image

Thats what someone else told me. That I needed to go to a shrink. Oh and I told HIM about it. He knows. He's trying to be as supportive as a man who doesn't show feelings easily can. Thanks Mike. I had no idea u were that dude.

(Nov 07 '13 at 12:49) a_mohammed a_mohammed's gravatar image

yeah after i sent it i thought i should have signed it. looks like little tiger/lost kardashian has some power to block accounts from the community page.

good to hear HE knows. and if a shrink is out of the question, see if there are support groups. you know i have no idea the social structure over there. so, forgive me if my suggestions are nutty. peace.

(Nov 07 '13 at 13:13) mikejm2 mikejm2's gravatar image

They have shrinks here Mike. -_-

(Nov 07 '13 at 13:17) a_mohammed a_mohammed's gravatar image
showing 5 of 6 show all

As-salamu 'alaikum. If your brother did these things to you then it is better for him to repent for this. You were not guilty. If this has effected your mindset then you should just take it as an accident and forget it. Informing others about it might cause more harm. And get married as soon as you can, it helps one to stay away from illegal acts like zina.
And sister, you said 'im always angry. im always...disappointed and sometimes its pointed towards god why did he let it happen!'? One shouldn't be angry with Allah no matter what happens to him. Allah created us and we are merely his creations. He doesn't need us, we need him. We should know that when we intend to do something in this world, Allah normally doesn't interfere with that. It just happens. Sister you should know that being displeased with Allah, hating him or being angry with him can lead one to kufr, which puts one out of the folds of Islam. You need to learn about aqeedah/belief. Contact brother yaqin on the community site via private message. He can teach you. May Allah bless you.

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answered 1.8k2313 Muhammad%20Abdul%20Ahad's gravatar image

I don't want to stray anymore than I already have. I find it harder to pray everyday. I want to be obedient. But I've given up on the thought. Sometimes people just aren't good. Thank you very much for everything. Thank u. Be safe. Ma salama.

(Nov 06 '13 at 22:14) a_mohammed a_mohammed's gravatar image

Dear Sister, you were 9 and your brother two years younger....so he was at a tender age of 7 when he was doing this? Whatever was happening, the parents needed to step in but obviously this did not happen. You feel violated and this is normal for someone who is or has been sexually molested. Your feelings are quite understandable.

Please do not feel angry with Allah SWT as your brother chose to do this. Your brother has free will like all of us and he chose to do this. The only question you might have is 'Why didn't Allah SWT intervene / stop this? And this question NO ONE can answer for you. This is the question that we ask when we see attrocities and unfairness and killing of many innocents taking place but we DO NOT know the answer to this question. When we don't know an answer to something that is beyond us, what do we do? We leave it in Allah SWT hands. And no matter how many people try to give you an answer, really, these are just guessings and 'unproven theories of imagination' And Allah sys:

“Whatever of good befalls you, it is from Allah; and whatever of ill befalls you, it is from yourself.” [Sûrah al-Nisâ': 79].

So Allah SWT tells us that the good is from Him and the evil is from ourselves (can be either from our own selves or from others eg in your case from your molestor, the person who violated you). So do not be angry with Allah SWT.

Back to you and your feelings, sister, turn to Allah SWT and tell Him how you feel. Ask Him for His help to overcome these feelings, to let go of this past. You have not had closure on what you endurd so this is what is making it difficult for you. Closure happens only after you have had a chance to release your feelings and let go of them through some talk or even intervention through psychologists. Once upon a time I would have suggested to see a psychologist as during sessions you get an opportunity to have some deep talk about your feelings. I would never suggest that now for I realise that there are NO better sessions than those with Allah SWT. You don't need any other human being for this, just you and Allah SWT. Perform your own DUAAS, you don't need others todo them for you. You can ask Allah much better than anyone else can on your behalf. Nobody can turn to Him with the feelings, tears, sincer deep emotions like you can on this matter of what happened to you. Asking others for Duaas is Ok only when it's for the whole ummah, or the whole family, etc, meaning when it is not for an individual (unless he/she are sick or unable for some reason to do it themselves). Also to comment regarding you wanting to be hit: feelings like these can occur due to thefact that you were molested and your self esteem has been affected. Unconscieously, you feel that others should assert their dominance over you and that you are not worthy. But this is quite UNTRUE. Help your self esteem by making mental suggestions to yourself on a daily basis, telling yourself that you are wothy of love, affection, good treatment and all the good that Allah SWT has created. Ask Allah SWT to bless you with His goodness and bounty for no other can bless you but He. And you have to believe in all the good things that you tell yourself. Apart from Allah SWT who can wish you any better but yourself? Trust in yourself and remember that none of us are better than each other except in piety. And Allah SWT says:

"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they MAY walk in the right way.” – Q. 2:186 Shakir 

Sister, May Allah SWT guide you and provide you with the help which you need to overcome this situation. Ameen

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answered 5205 stronghold's gravatar image

Thank you very much. HE was 7 yea. He used to get in trouble a lot from my father. And I didn't so maybe he was angry about it.y dad doesn't know about it. He was always working away from home. And I find I'm also angry with him for not being there to protect me. I told my mom about it. And she took my brother to a doctor. it stopped eventually a few years later. When I was 11. But my mother never took me to get help. I guess she assumed I'd be OK once it stopped. And I was. But only for a while. Like I said I bottled it up and now I can hardly make it through the day without crying.

(Nov 06 '13 at 22:09) a_mohammed a_mohammed's gravatar image

Sister, this IS A PROBLEM when fathers go away to live or work elsewhere or even have wives far away from each other. Then there is no one to lead the children, to guide them. Of course you feel angry about this regarding your fathers absence. It is a father's duty to raise the children together with the wife. There are aspects of child raising that are for the mother and there are those that are for the father. TOGETHER, husband and wife raise children. I gave you lots of advice above and I want you to read it carefully again and take it in, word for word. This is because I know that it will help you. May I ask how old you are now? You need to sort through your feelings before you embark on the path of marriage so that you are free from any residual negativity and hurt from what happened. Once you feel happy again, inshallah, you will feel strong and those tears will subside.

In relation to mum, she handled this in the best way that SHE thought was possible and most probably was unsure as to what to do. Forgive her and focus on making yourself feel better. As the victim, you were overlooked but alhamdilollah, you are able to speak up and seek help now. It is never too late. Salaam sister and take care.

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answered 5205 stronghold's gravatar image

I know. but what can I say he had to provide for us and he did. Im 18 now. Im trying to become a better muslim. but not hard enough and I have no one to blame not even Allah(swt) just me. im at fault. that doesn't make it any easier.

(Nov 07 '13 at 07:26) a_mohammed a_mohammed's gravatar image

Do not beat yourself over the things that you can do better. It seems to me that you are well on your way to bettering yourself. You are giving deen much thought alhamdilollah and this is a great sign. Take care of your self esteem and nurture it. What is a special character trait is when one can self reflect and see their own shortcomings. I can see that you have this trait and are looking how you can improve yourself. This happens over time and continues throughout ones life. You have alot of life in front of you. May Allah SWT bless you and keep you dear to Him.

(Nov 07 '13 at 07:49) stronghold ♦ stronghold's gravatar image

inshallah and you too thank you for all your help

(Nov 07 '13 at 07:53) a_mohammed a_mohammed's gravatar image
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