Dear brothers and sisters, I don't know is this forum is where I should ask for advice on my current situation or not but I feel that someone maybe able to help me.
I'm a 20 year old Muslim man. I wouldn't say I am a brilliant Muslim because I'm not 100% committed. I try to pray my namaaz and admit sometimes I am weak. I try to keep my imaan strong. I don't drink or smoke or do things that will harm my body.
My problem is my relationship with my partner/girlfriend. I have been with my partner for over 4 years now. I am a Muslim whereas she isn't. She hasn't had much experience of Islam so she doesn't know what it is about, she has an interest in Islam and wants to learn more but I can't teach her that because I myself want to learn more and don't have answers to some of her questions. But recently my parents have discovered I have a girlfriend and are not happy about it. For the past 4 years I have had to lie to my mum about my whereabouts when I am with my girlfriend, my mum had some sort of idea I had a girlfriend but I wouldn't openly tell her I was at her house or going to the cinema or a restaurant with her but about a year ago I felt that my mum deserves to know so I would tell my mum if I was with her or going somewhere with her, but with this my mum would shout at me, call me names, tell me I'm not a good Muslim and she's not good, my mum would tell me 'why are you with that thing?' Bearing in mind this is a girl that my mum or dad don't know. They haven't sat her down or spoken to her, they don't know what she's about or how she is, they just don't like her simply because they feel she's not Muslim so she's wrong.
So recently my dad found out about my relationship and he also along with my mum disagrees with it, I've tried everything. I've spoken to them about her good points, I've told them I love her and that she is a good girl. They judge her on relationships they've seen. They judge her on other people's love marriages that have gone wrong, I've tried to get them to meet her to speak to her and see how she is but they refuse to do that. They are simply against it.
It's got to a point where my parents have given me an ULTIMATUM, they've told me it's either your partner or us, if you choose your partner your dead for us and if you choose us you have to cut all links of with her. I feel this is wrong and I feel that an ultimatum should not be put on anyone and from my understanding and looking into Islam ultimatums are un-Islamic. My partner has never put an ultimatum on me but my parents already have, they look at this like they are doing this to protect me and look out for me but know that this will have a big impact on my life, because they are taking away my happiness. I've tried to talk to them about Islam and how even the prophet saw married a women that wasn't a Muslim but accepted Islam when she married him so why can't i do that, so they say that was different, because your partner doesn't have a religion so how is she going to be a Muslim and follow the prophet so I told them that if she doesn't have a religion it makes it easier for her to become a Muslim cause she doesn't have a religion, but I also told them I wouldn't want her to convert to Islam unless she wanted to, I'm against forcing people against their will and if she is to convert she will have to off her own accord and if she doesn't well then me and her will have to talk about it because she will have to understand that in order for our Islamic wedding to take place she will have to be a Muslim. I've asked my parents that if she becomes a Muslim can I marry her and they are still against it.
I understand that my mum and dad are looking out for me but they should also let me learn for myself, if they think she's not right for me then they should tell me but also tell me that it's my choice and that I should look into whether she is right for me rather than throw me where I shouldn't be.
They want me to forget her and leave her when she has been such an important aspect in my life, she has no one except for me, all she does is think about me and what's best for me, she always thinks about how the things she does will affect me. She isn't a Muslim but for a young girl living in a western country she is well mannered and has a good degree of self respect, she doesn't dress like other non Muslims, she covers her body and agrees that her body is only for her partner, she doesn't go out with friends or walk around, she only ever goes out with me and other than that she stays at home and before she does something she will consult me to let me know and to ask if I'm okay with it. She has changed her full life for me, but my parents want me to break up with her but not a simple break up, they want me to ring her and tell her that my parents have got me engaged to someone else and to forget about me and find someone else, they've tried to take my phone off me so that if she rings they can tell her to go away from me, my mum had already rang her once and told her that I don't want my son to be with you and that she's getting me married and she doesn't like her but now they want me to do it, they want me to rip the girls heart out, the girl that I love. I don't know what to do, I love my family but I also love her. I just want someone's advice with experience and knowledge of Islam to tell me what my Allah and prophet saw will be okay with because I know the status and respect Allah had given parents and I don't want to destroy my life here and my afterlife.
Please can someone with knowledge on Islam help me and tell me if what is happening is wrong or right and what I should do or think about doing.
Jazakallah, May Allah help me and give me the best solution inshallah.