Assalamualaykum. I am married for four years now and we are blessed with two kids. Initially i don't love my wife before we got married, she only insisted she loves me even when her parents said they get her married to some one. And seeing the condition she would have got herself into, I made up my mind and married her for the sake of Allah not because I really love her. I provide her with all neccessary things she need from me as a husband. But now I just feel i dont love her anymore and dont know what to do. I tried to control my self and love her but I could not. I have started depriving her of her matrimonial rights, like sleeping with her and etc. And I am also afraid that ALLAH (SWT) will surely judge us. So i want to divorce her in Islamic manner. HOW DO I START. Thank you and God Bless.
i belive you must pronounce to her first that you want a divorce many people say it three times but the prophet condemed this saying that its cruel to divorce somone three times so only say it once then she stays in your care for three menstral cycles this is called 3iddah if you guys are serious about the divorce and no intercourse or contact is established in this time frame then you guys will be divorced many people dont continue with it or regret going through a divorce so thats why you must be sure and wait that time period and i belive a sheikh is involved in the process at somtime its best to take advice from the sheikh and tell him first so he may watch to be sure the divorce is being carried out in an islamic matter
you still must remmember that its a last resort the prophet said (in transation):" A believing man must not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her traits he will be pleased with another" (Muslim).
"among all the permitted acts, divorce is the most hateful to God"(Abu Dawood)
"The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are best to their wives" (Tirmidthi).
the quran said:"Live with them (your wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If you dislike them it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed a great deal of good" (Quran 4:19).
also you must remember you cannot take anything back the quran says:"But if you decide to take one wife in place of another, even if you had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit of it back; Would you take it by slander and a manifest wrong?" (Quran 4:20).
May allah guide you to the right path
I think you should not jump to divorce because not every marriage is all about love only because there is a hadith which says, if you do not love your wife then will be something else you would like about her, so you see here this hadith tells us that firstly is not all about love and secondly not every marriage is built upon love and thirdly there is always something she or he does that you will like about and fourthly this hadith does not tell you to divorce her if you don't love her, but tells you to look at her carefully and pay attention to her and if you do that you will find something else in her that will make you like her and enjoy her company.
Also you have the option of having a second wife this is one of the reasons why Allah Has giving the man permission to marry up to 4 wife's because Allah knows that men's are not like women, therefore, I would advise you to keep her and get marry to a second wife and if you do that then you will see the differences and you will enjoy her much better and more, Allah knows best.