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I have been dating or seeing a married man for 3 months that happens to be muslim and I am a catholic; therefore, I am already in need of confession. My issue is now my affair has put us into a predicament. I am pregnant. I would like to emphasize that He is extremely religous and also he is well known in London within a muslim community. When I told him I was pregnant he said he loves me and wanted to marry me but he only wanted to do it the right thing for the seak of Allah forgiveness cos we both sin!!! Now He has decided that he does not want to disrupt his happy home with his wife and their 3 perfect children because he can not afford an outside child physically, mentally, nor financially. So he has just left me high and dry. I kno wthat we both sin, but we both have to take responsibility of this child. The child is innoncent. I'm boken down because my baby is without the father and the fact she will never known him. I don't want to relationship with him neither want to see him but would love to that my baby had a father who cares. Why he's abandoned his own child?

asked 111 Maaria123's gravatar image
edited Apr 26 '12 at 19:11 NesreenA ♦ 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image

in islam if he truley wanted to repent he wouldnt marry you, he needs a whipping and since hes married a stoning this is a major sin and that is the only direction islam gives in this case is to stone him unfortunattly this isnt the advice you want to hear that you guys need punishment but thats the reality we cant get you to rekindle your relashinship with this man thats what got you in this doozy in the first place even if it is for the sake of the child this is the reason marrige is established to avoid these social issues to make sure he really cares and loves you and you and agrees to take care of you, without a contract theres nothing that can be done instead of asking why has he abondned his child you should ask why did WE (as in both of you) failed to construct a contract with ourselves and our lord these problems arise when the lord is absent from your actions and thoughts. Repent to your lord thats all the advice i can give you the duty to your lord is higher than your duty to that child or that man

answered 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image


I like your advise to her and shows you are wise and I hope Allah will increase you in knowledge Ameen. I also want to correct you that there is no repentance for her and she does not have to repent from this act she has done, but the only thing that she need's to repent from is that for not believing Allah and not becoming Muslim, but the man he needs to repent to Allah for that major sin he has done because he is a Muslim.

(Mar 31 '12 at 22:33) caabi ♦ caabi's gravatar image

Partly I don't agree with you. We both regret for our sins committed but damage is done. Now we have to face the fact that we have a baby together and deal with it. She's a gift from Allah. It's not about us now is all about the baby. @ Caabi Im a catholic and I DO BELIVE in GOD. We are just human we all sin. John 8:7 "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Thank you

(Mar 31 '12 at 23:42) Maaria123 Maaria123's gravatar image

you dont have a contract with him he isnt required to take care of the baby i already explained that these are the consequnces of commiting zina that is why the contract of marrige is requried if the shari'a was established he wouldnt be here and you would still be left with the child she is a gift to the world but not to you not under these circumstances

(Apr 01 '12 at 00:05) NesreenA ♦ NesreenA's gravatar image

@ NesreenA You are talking nonsense!!!! It doesnt matter if we keep in contact or not. The parent must be responsible for the child. She's my gift from Allah. That's my point of view on this situation; you can have your but I don't agree with you at all.

(Apr 01 '12 at 00:23) Maaria123 Maaria123's gravatar image

Qur'an al-Nisaa’ Fear Allah and treat your children fairly!!

(Apr 01 '12 at 00:30) Maaria123 Maaria123's gravatar image

well when somone is dead they dont treat their children at all so if the shariaa was fulfilled he wouldnt be here to take care of that child hence proving that in islam the adulturer dosent have to care for the child but its not like islam is letting him go off easy neither of you get the easy way out he is supposed to be stonned and you take care of a child alone not being able to mary but another adulterer that wasent married when he commited the zina but of course your not muslim so this wouldnt be carried through but his punishment should

(Apr 01 '12 at 17:14) NesreenA ♦ NesreenA's gravatar image
showing 5 of 6 show all

[Noor 24:2] The adulteress and the adulterer - punish each one of them with a hundred lashes; and may you not have pity on them in the religion to Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day; and a group of believers must witness their punishment.

[Noor 24:3] The adulterer shall not marry except an adulteress or a polytheist woman, and none shall marry an adulteress except an adulterer or a polytheist; and this is forbidden for the believers.

[Noor 24:4] And those who accuse chaste women and do not bring four witnesses to testify - punish them with eighty lashes and do not ever accept their testimony; and it is they who are the wicked.

[Noor 24:5] Except those who repent after this and reform themselves; so indeed Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.

and i do not have pity for you

answered 219722 NesreenA's gravatar image

@NesreenA I'm not looking for sympathy!! NOT from you. You are NOT here to judge me!!! The only God will do it. You think you have the knowledge to answer my question, you are wrong. I know what I have done. Peace

(Apr 01 '12 at 18:23) Maaria123 Maaria123's gravatar image

that isnt what judging is judging is determining whether your sin will be forgiven or if you go to hell im not in the authority to do that nor am i trying to you quoted the quran about how we should treat our children fairly i simply quoted another that said that adulterers should be punished hence not being able to care for a child and that i shouldnt feel pity for you your telling me that you should just get over what youve done and take care of the child together and im proving that to be untrue that you cant just move on without trying to redeem yourself you want muslim advice and my advice comes strictly from islam your views are not ones we share but thats what you get when you ask advice from people you dont share the same views with you cant prove to me that that man should help you raise the child when in a religious perspective i have answered you that you alone should care for it and he shouldnt be here im giving you the islamic view and you disagree but im not gonna change my views because after all i am muslim

(Apr 02 '12 at 04:05) NesreenA ♦ NesreenA's gravatar image



Every one commits a sin and if anyone tells you they are free from committing a sin then that is not true and that is because our Lord have said, If none of you were a sinner I would have destroyed you all and would have bring others who would sin and after sinning would return to me in repentance so I would forgive. So you see here our Lord is telling us He Has created us in this way that He Has giving us a free will to do what we like and to use that free will to turn to Him in repentance after sinning and that is why Allah Has made the Angels without a free will and therefore, do not sin.

And also what you have done is a sin but one that you can come back from because it is Allah Who created us with these feelings we have just like Allah says in the Qur'an, [And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought] [Sura 30v21] As you see here God starts of in this verse and says,[And of His signs] here God is telling as that whatever He is going to mention after this is nothing but a sign which means that it gives you a direction a path to get to and to recognize and God is directing you to Himself, than God says,[Is that He created for you from yourselves mates] God here brings our attention that He Has created both male and female and also He is telling us that He could have created just one of you without the other not existing as we all know that no one had the choice whether to exist or not but rather finds him or herself been born and a live, then God says, [that you may find tranquillity in them] this means that God Has placed tranquility in their hearts so that they feel comfortable with each other and also means that one can not live normality without the other been there, then God says, [and He placed between you affection and mercy] this means for the male and female to truly feel this tranquility between them so that they can have a good relationship and build a family that will be strong as they will be living with each other for many years so God has put in their hearts love, that is why male and female are attractive to each other and on top of that He Has also put in their hearts mercy what a wonderful creator is God, look how He perfected the mankind thus, that is why God ends with this verse, [Indeed in that are signs for a people who give though] ones you come to realize and you give though you will come to realize that everything about you is placed within you even you character down to your look as there will be no one who will look like you so you see this Religion of Islam has the answer to all your questions do not run away from but rather look for all your answers in it.

Therefore, I invite you to Islam as you already believe in One God, then that same God you believe in is the One Whom sent down this Qur'an and this is the reason why Allah explains to us about mankind and their creation and their characteristics with their own feelings and the reason why Allah is doing all this is so you would recognize this revelation is truly from God, therefore, I once again invite you in to Islam and to become a Muslim who loves Allah and who Allah would love and His Angels and all the Muslims.

answered 4443 caabi's gravatar image

Maaria Ist of all dont Call that Person " a v religiuos and Islamic person". a true muslim fears from Allah before commiting such sin. He destroyed not only ur life but also that Child's Life. I m advicing u as a sister that Allah Is Great and He Loves All Of His Creation.He Tests His People through Trials And Tribulations And only those will pass the test who face it by patience and by seeking help from Allah . Sister this is a time for u to say sorry to Allah for All of ur sins and come into the folds of Islam.Allah give Chance to every person in this world to differentiate between right and wrong and learn through experience..try to study islam, learn quran and you will find answers of All of ur questions InshAllah :) FiamaAllah..

answered 9 mohni's gravatar image

Sister Maaria123, Ist of all dont say "He is extremely religous". because even A non Extremely religious Muslim Fears from Allah before commiting a mistake, and that Guy Did a sin..leave that hypocrate behind. My Sister, this a sign for u From Allah to come to the fold of islam..:) Allah Allmight tests His people through trials and tribulations and only those pass these tests who Belive In ALLah and Seek help From Him(Almighty) Only instead of asking from people.the role of that guy in your life is only to squeeze you so that u can think , learn and ask for foregiveness from Allah. He(Amighy) has given you a chance to come to the fold of islam.if that guy really loves u, that he should marry u as our Prophet(SAW) also married more than once and turned many non-muslim women into muslim.he can save urakhirate .Now trust Allah once and u will see how things change for u good will..:) open Quran , u will find answers of all of your questions InshAllah..:) FiamanAllah

answered 9 mohni's gravatar image

First of all, if he was a Truly religious Muslim man, he would not have cheated on his wife. Same goes to you. That is one of the biggest sins you could commit.

His abandoning the child is also another sin. He has to take responsibility for his actions.

As for that, may Allah help you. I don't think anyone else can. May Allah forgive you both.

answered 372 Servant_Of_Allah's gravatar image

Sister NersreenA stop being so strict jeez.

Sister maria... I am sorry that this has happened to you. Treat the child with love and kindness a beg that of you, and please do not abort him/her, he has a right to live...

Above all this man does not love Allah he loves his own image, Secondly tell his wife, I am not asking you to destroy a marriage, but his wife doesn't deserve such treatment, she deserves to know who she is with and what he has done.

Only has wife, not his children. I also ask of you to make sure he pays child support, that is the child's right, he is as much at fault as you are, and as a "muslim" if he can even call himself that now, he must take care of this child.

I would suggest converting to Islam, but If so you'd need 4 witnesses to back you up!!! Lol.. I hate having to say this but if my wife cheated on me I'd want to know, and I'd be mad if God has forbidden people from telling if someone commited that act but he did not, he has asked only 4 witnesses 3 saying they bear witness that you are telling the truth (that you a truthful person so much so that they'd be willing to incur the wrath of Allah upon themselves if you were lying) and the 4th saying may Allah's wrath be upon us if we are liars.. So, if you want to follow islam do that, if not just tell his wife appologize to her, as for gossiping or telling his friends Don't! and his wife shouldn't either after she has found out.

answered 447 Mohamad_Islam's gravatar image

i am simply stating the facts in islam this is an islamic website isnt it im giving islamic advice what was so strict about what i said the part that he should be stoned as the prophet said or the part that he has no islamic obligations on the child because he shouldnt even be on earth both were justified with shari3a law

(Apr 29 '12 at 02:14) NesreenA ♦ NesreenA's gravatar image

a dead person stays on earth so disregard that part....

(Apr 29 '12 at 02:14) NesreenA ♦ NesreenA's gravatar image

You sound angry when you type, try to put in kindness into your words, that is all I meant.

As for that guy, yes he should be stoned it's men like him that spread fitna on earth.

Anyway, NsreenA I just thought you were getting too emotional about it.


(Apr 29 '12 at 13:14) Mohamad_Islam Mohamad_Islam's gravatar image

@ mohamad_Islam: I agree with you I think that NesreenA was very harsh. While I was reading her comments that obviously were not directed at me I felt very offended.

@ nesreenA: I know this is an Islamic website and I know every sura/ayat that you posted is correct. But you must take into consideration that this woman is a Christian she is not familiar with our religion or Sharia Laws... You are a woman you must have some kind of compassion in your heart. Allah says have compassion for people. Now I am not saying that what she did is right but the man is just as much at fault as this woman. The relationship went both ways!!! HE IS A MUSLIM HE KNOWS BETTER!!!! HE IS A MARRIED MUSLIM WITH CHILDREN AND A WIFE HE KNOWS BETTER!!! HE SHOULD THINK ABOUT HIS DAUGHTERS IF HE HAS THEM BECAUSE THIS JUST MIGHT HAPPEN TO THEM AS ALLAH IS SEVERE IN PUNISHMENT!!!

@ maaria123: tell his wife she has the right to know what her husband is doing and be sure this man is not a very religious person as he has stated to you because if he was he would have never put his self or you in this terrible situation.... this is his child and he must be responsible for his actions and for his child!!! Remember Allah is oft forgiving and most merciful... seek your forgiveness with him and no one else. We all make mistakes the point of the mistake is to learn the lesson that it teaches us some lessons harder then others.... Inshallah I hope that you find what is best for you.


answered 242 Heba's gravatar image

Exposed Him. Get a DNA test and exposed him, as both you have done wrong, he should also pay the price.

answered 1.2k16 believer's gravatar image
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Asked: Mar 31 '12 at 21:09

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Last updated: Nov 12 '12 at 12:56

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