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Asslamu Alaikum Azrath, I am writing to get advice on what to do in a situation like below explained, I have a best friend who I am willing to be unnamed. We are almost there for more than 5 years now. I am 23 years old and he is 25 years old. We were the best friends where people would also sometimes be jealous of. my friend is a very open hearted muslim who would love to enjoy the life to the maximum. He is very nice and all his habits too. From the day one, a small short come he had was getting angry for little things. So this is just a bit about my best friend. Now he turns 23 years and his parents starts looking for a partner for him while he also tried one through his friends and connections. His taste was to get a girl from good religious background. So one day he finds a partner through a connection and he takes me to first see his partner. I was out and he went and spoke to her mother and the partner and came back. So he liked the girl and also she and her parents too liked him. Now we need partners fathers wish and since he was not home by the time we went, we had to go to a masjid to meet the father of the girl. I and my friend met and we spoke, her father told us, ok inshalalh I will go home and make mashoorah with my family and let you know. He also added, I like to keep my daughter in my house. I don’t have enough capacity to provide separate house but inshalah if things goes well you can stay here. Also said he doesn’t like wasting money for wedding and all. So inshalalh as its not permissible we will only take the waleema with groom wish. So things went well in a week of time. Both side parents agreed and marriage was scheduled for next year. During this time, my friend wanted to have connection with girl to build a good understanding so he gifted a mobile phone. Since girl’s people are too religious they dislike having connections before marriage and they declined. So this made my friend a bit upset and to get bad idea about the girl’s family. So however they started talking secretly without parents knowing over the phone and they had good communication. So later girls side parents get to know about this and they stopped it. Then things went little worse like no need a wedding like these and all. My friend was in anger and he started getting bad ideas about her(girls) parents. So my friend went and consulted an Islamic scholar in the area he lived and the mashoora given was to do nikah so that you can communication and its almost the marriage. So after doing that she is ur wife and you can do anything. So my friend hurried the nikah by forcing girl’s side parents. So however since they have had phone communication for a long secretly parents worried that their daughter’s life will ruin and they accepted my best friends force full nikah. After nikah for about 6 months they lived separately and my friend was in abroad while girl is with her parents. Things went well until he came back for wedding. (my friend was still having anger about girl’s father for not letting his daughter talking through mobile) so suddenly instead of just a waleema, girls side people started having conversation about a wedding and then a waleema. So at last it happened as they planned I mean wedding + waleema. (my friends bad opinion about his newly married wives parents are now much increased as they broke the promise by taking a wedding ) The father in law I am talking here is a in charger for a masjid and a person who goes jamath every month and a very recognized person. So after waleema, my friend stayed with his father in law’s place for a week of time. During his stay the food they gave has not suited his eating style and he started hating his wives parents. The food he hated was eating bread. So the week is over and he came back to his parents’ house with his wife. After that he started blaming his wifes parents for the food they gave him and everything. So littly by little days were passing and since my friend has already hated his wife’s parents he didn’t take his wife to her place after the marriage. Now after some months wife gets pregnant. (till this day they lived happily) So one of my best friends connection got married and that person got many things as dowry. So he started comparing himself with the newly wedded people and what they get as dowry and ect. He started blaming his wife for not bringing him anything from home. He ill-treated her and tortured her. She tollerated all because of the 6 months baby in stomach. One day she was taken to her parents’ house as the second visit to her house when she was 6 months with baby. My friend has not gone inside the house and sent only his wife to visit her parents asking to return quickly. Now this girl go inside the home and cries like nothing. She says why my life is ruined like this to mom and dad and cried. She then says why my husband doesn’t like my dad and my mother and please finish this problem I can’t be like this. So her dad came out and requested the son-in- law (my friend) to come home we can discuss any issue and sort out. He didn’t go and they hide a word exchange outside the house and my friend has reached his anger control and went and hit his father in law with a helmet. So on the spot that father-in-law has fallen down. Then he has pushed his mother-in-law aside and has dragged his wife while she was lien down on the floor with blood coming from her mouth. Which is really really sad to hear :’( Now this is where I am getting involved as his best friend, he calls and tell me “hey man, I hit her father with a helmet and he fell down on the spot in an angry tone.” I was shocked what the heck has he done. My friend doesn’t sound like what he did is wrong. He speak like his act of hitting an elder to fall down was correct. I scolded and requested him to ask forgiveness or I am afraid allah will forgive you. Now friendship with my best friend was like reducing little by little since he didn’t go and ask for forgiveness. Now my best friends parents talks to me, his sister and wife all spoke to me to advise him and make him understand what he did is wrong. So rather asking for forgiveness he has called and made a big scene while someone from other side was also talking in an angry mood as they are victimized. So my friend who I hate now starts blaming in extreme dirty words. So everything went worst and their relationship with in-law’s are ended.
As a duty of mine, I went and visited the uncle (father in law of my best friend) and asked forgiveness for what my friend did. They were all in angry mood but alhmdllah they didn’t show me any anger and spoke in a very collapsed and sad way. After listening to all their worries and cries I decided to leave this person whom I was telling as my best friend from the time I started writing this. So I stopped all his contacts and lived alone in my way. After some days I am getting to hear that my best friends family life is not running good at all and he is going beyond his limits with wife. Torture and ill-treating. Then he comes to me and tell, I cant live with a person like this so I am going to divorce her. There was nothing wrong with the his wife as his parents told its all his fault his high expectations he gets after comparing himself with other newly wedded couples. During my silence he has stopped letting his wife contacting her parents and has taken every freedom. So I went to his place and spoke to his wife as a brother and advised to give up and go because of the 7 months baby in the stomach. So after speaking things went good. I did this because of the little baby in the stomach and I didn’t wanted have any friendship with this person who was my best friend before. I hate him because of his bad attitudes and the way he behaved to elders and treated his wife. So after all, now 3 days back his wife gave birth to the baby and it was a nice baby girl mashallah. Even after baby was born, a big war occurred again when his parents requested to ask his father and mother in law to see the baby. I that day decided, hereafter I will not have any connection with him because he never ever realize his mistakes but keeps doing the same again and again. Today he is in a mentality where he says “Ask those people to come to my leg and ask forgiveness, then only I will let them watch my baby” So I am now not moving with this person and I purposely made him let me go because he always comes and stick to me if I say him good bye. Please tell me if I have made any mistake on this matter? I tried my best to save these two families but nothing worked out and I decided to stay away. I am still worried about the father in law and mother in law of him who used to speak with me and share all their worries even now. It’s a very sad incident :(

asked 10 azraarshu's gravatar image

Sorry what is ur question

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answered 1528 Faisal26's gravatar image

what i did is correct or wrong ?

(Nov 18 '13 at 02:59) azraarshu azraarshu's gravatar image

What i did is correct or wrong ?

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answered 10 azraarshu's gravatar image
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Asked: Nov 17 '13 at 10:51

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Last updated: Nov 18 '13 at 02:59



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